Pre(ramble)

Assessment (again!!) tomorrow! Hope it goes well! *fingers and toes crossed*

It's so nice to have a 3 day week. Too bad it only happens once in a year. I heard other unis have a one week break. One week, you hear me? I AM JEALOUS.

Digressed. Yup, you can do it. Sorry I'm rambling to myself again with my pep talk. :/

You can quote me. Confidence is the stepping stone to success. :D Be confident!

Strangers, Again

How true, about the stages of a relationship.

I hope we will always stay at Stage 4. :) Let's do our best to keep it alive!

A Long Day

Today has been a very long day. 

This was how my day went:

• Started with being harassed to complete a discharge summary ASAP (hey what do you think I'm doing? twiddling my thumbs in the air? I'm doing my best here, and I don't know the patient k!)
• Multiple cannulas (which I'm happy to report, I currently have a 50% success rate now - compared to my previous 0%! the new cannulas are so difficult!)
• Various attempts to get some of my assignments done (drug charts, confusing outpatient prescriptions! and many more...) oh ya, I hvta bug my team, who are the nicest ppl ever, to help answer my various questions! sigh.
• Quick break for lunch then afternoon dermatology clinic. Sat in with a really nice doctor who taught quite a bit. That was a plus point for once. But I still find most of dermatology confusing. All of these skin lesions look the same to me!!! Clinic finished very late though so there you go, negative point there.
• Had to go to Woolies to get some household stuff. Even though it was late. argh.
• Came back home and guess what broke the camel's back, so to speak? I spotted a large cockroach overturned on its back wriggling its legs around on the kitchen floor. I really hate cockroaches coz I think they are really dirty. No, I'm not scared of them but I detest them! I usually am able to bunch up a wad of toilet paper and get rid of the small ones but this was HUGE and MOVING!! I'm not touching that!! I used the dustpan to nudge it into a plastic bag and quickly clamped it down as it's started moving frantically. Then I quickly got rid of it outside in the bin (after making sure it wouldn't be able to make a break for it but tying it up in another plastic bag!! SO THERE!!).
• And now my right hip aches. I think I'm putting more weight on it than my left while standing around. I think I'm going to get arthritis when I get older. sigh!

And here I am now, typing away, trying to get all the frustration out of my head...!! I really need a break! Too many things happening... Thank god for the super long weekend this week. pfft.

The Dusk Version

Tada! Did you notice the brand new layout of this blog?

Have been working on the new header during the last long holidays. Decided to unveil it now, just because I feel like it!

This is like the total opposite of my sunny summer-like header previously. Going for a more mysterious twilight effect with this one.

Let me know what you think, comments please!!! :D Thanks!

PS: Btw my cute lil doctor now has a stethoscope! :P

(E)motions

It's been two weeks since you left. I think I'm doing okay. How time flies. Keeping busy is keeping me from having what a patient I know would call a "pity party".

Today is the first day in a long time where I could come home early on a weekday. Been really busy recently - lots of assignments, assessments etc. The usual works. And getting used to work a pre-intern should do I suppose.

You just started work this week, congratulations, I am so proud of you. :) Work hard and take good care of yourself, for your own sake and the little patients too. I'm sure the kids will bring joy to you, even though how hard work might be. The learning curve is always steep, but you will get there.

You know, dear. I really miss you.

Without you by my side, I feel like I'm just going through the motions. Waking up everyday, going to the hospital, coming back to cook meals and rest then sleep. And it keeps repeating over and over again....

But I know one day, in the not so far future now, we will be together again. :) And I will look forward to that day.

Cut Short

I'm quite tired from trying to get my assessments/studies up to scratch after letting my mind laze around so long and trying to spend as much time as possible with the visiting bf.

Unfortunately, his visit that was supposed to be one month long (before he starts work - coz who knows when he will be free again!) is brutally cut short by inane administrators that do whatever they want and summon people without warning!!!

So thanks to them, he's going back this thursday night... having only been here for 2 weeks plus. So not only our time is cut short suddenly, he has to waste another large sum of money to get tickets back home early. argh. I wished I had spend more time with him earlier instead of putting it off to later. Now, we don't have much time left together...

And I really really can't wait for the time when there is no looming deadline to when we need to say goodbye to each other again.

Start of 6th Year

Hello! Had been back in Perth for a week or so, am quite busy as well, as I have landed into Gen Med - the most busy posting of the year. Heard that the rest of the year is relatively slack though, which is good!

Besides, I have had pretty long holidays so definitely need some revision to get back into what-is-expected-of-a-sixth-year-student-mode! Which so far made me realised, is quite a bit!

Am so much nearer to being a doctor now that senior doctors guide us to try things that we will have to do as a doctor in the near future. Had the opportunity to run a clinic with the help of a consultant this morning and it was pretty cool! Realised there are a lot of things I still do not know so need to read up more and more!

So I gotta go for now! :P

PS: The bf is visiting now so despite the busy-ness, I am still a happy girl! :D Hope we get to make more new happy memories together!

Choices

Hey, you do know that Life is full of what-ifs, right?

But you gotta remember that you live with the choices you have made in the past. There is no point in reliving past choices, especially if the present outcome is good. Coz, what's the point? I think the other what-ifs might even be a turn for the worse.

Now, looking forward, I just hope that this is the right decision.

Double-Edged

There are a lot of things in life that I have no control over, but what I do know is that, there is something that I can change - and that's me and the choices I make.

I vow to try my best to not repeat the mistakes of the past (of myself and others before me). And I have another mission as well, to save the people after me from going down the same path. I know I'm human, so I will keep on trying even though I slip sometimes.

I will try my best to be close to things that make me happy and stay away from things which only cause nothing but grief.

Hope is but a double-edged sword.

Have you ever wondered about the meaning of life? It's the things that make you feel alive that are worth living for... and right now, I think I need to find those things again.

And yes, you are right, I only blog more when I'm upset. sigh.

Hope, Pain & Gain

Life in itself is an irony, isn't it? What I learnt from life is that if there is no hope, there is no pain. 

But if there is no pain, is there no gain as well?

Really, I try to be the best of what people might hope me to be, I really do but perhaps that shall never be enough. But I have decided to tell myself, hey it's okay. As long as I have tried and done my best, I have no regrets.

Everybody has a few skeletons in their closet, but who really lets their skeletons out to get some fresh air?

I think it's time I give mine a proper resting place. If that's even possible...

Congrats To Them

Yet again, I bring good tidings with this post! Today is the day where my batchmates in my previous uni had finally graduated as doctors! :D Congratulations again! Am so proud of you guys!

Come to think of it, if I had continued to study locally instead of going overseas, perhaps today would have also been the day I could add another 2 different initials to my name.

But anyway, I know I'm passed playing the If game. No more regrets; instead, to look forward for better things to come. Remember, if you think too much, you forget how to live. That's my motto.

And hey, it will be my time to finally realise my goal in the near future too. It's not so far off now. ;) Hold on and keep on studying fighting!!

PS: A special CONGRATS to dear dear who is finally a doctor too now! ^v^

It's All Good

It's good news for all that I know. *joyous singing* I might not show it, but I'm really glad. :D

A Little Act Of Kindness

It was a cloudy weekday afternoon. With my grey stethoscope strung around my shoulders, I headed towards the cafeteria outside the hospital for a quick lunch. I met my friend over there and we had a nice chat over some economy rice, which sells really nice food for a cheap price.

Alas, when we were almost done with lunch, rain started coming down outside in heavy trickles. Being too used to the fact that Australian rain never last for long, I convinced my friend to wait it out. To our dismay, the rain only got heavier, pelting down torrents as we waited in vain. It seemed to only get worse with every passing minute.

Having waited for quite sometime, we decided that enough was enough and decided to run for it. I covered up my oxford handbook with a random piece of scrap paper, hoping to shield it from the unrelenting rain and we plunged into the heavy sheets of rain. 

An unsheltered walk that would normally take perhaps 5 minutes or so resulted in us being drenched from head to toe. With wet hair plastered to our faces and rain splotched clothes, we did not look a presentable sight.

Trying to arrange our hair and wiping off water droplets, we stepped into the lifts heading towards our respective wards. The lift filled up with people and I laughed and remarked to my friend: "We certainly don't look a pretty sight, do we?"

What happened next surprised me.

A stranger, a middle aged lady holding a red umbrella held out a couple of tissues to us and said: " Hey, here you go, wipe yourselves dry." The first response from any asian person would be to decline politely, saying it was okay.

But she insisted. "Go on, take it. You should wipe yourselves dry or you will get sick easily." Touched by her act, we accepted her offer and thanked her. With the tissues, we were able to pat dry our faces and hair in a somewhat more efficient way.

This little act of kindness showed me that there was still kindness in this world, even among strangers. This happened in a country that had a reputation of its people being self-centred. This also proved to me that assumptions and stereotyping were just that, they do not encompass everyone under one big umbrella.

It also reminds me that when patients are gratefully generous with their thanks when I take my leave, I must be doing something right. Listening is the first step for any sort of healing to take place.

The Ad that Moved Overseas Students to Tears

Thank god for the internet.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Here's to a belated Happy Chinese New Year to my readers! Paiseh, I know I have been a little sluggish/lazy in blogging in this new year. 

This CNY has been a relatively quiet one, but it's okay, I know CNY is not really so much about the angpows or the food (though I wouldn't mind more of the former of coz! :P) but it's more about family. If there's anything I learnt from being away from home during CNY for the past 2 years, it's probably this.

Treasure your family before it's too late, okay, peeps? If there's anything medicine has taught me about life, it's about the mortality of life. Life is fragile and can be taken away anytime.

So don't live with regret - make full use of your life and live every day as though it's your last!

I Want To Remember

Am currently nearing the end of my elective, with only another 2 days to go. I have been 'fortunate' to see a lot of interesting signs here - it is especially exciting when it matches what you have been reading in books - almost like meeting an old friend you once knew.

But I keep reminding myself, all these signs (usually) come at an expense to patients. I think it's important as healthcare workers to at least once in a while slip into your patients' shoes, reminding oneself that what might be routine and mundane to you is actually scary and a wholly new experience to your patient. 

When you start thinking of your patient as a real person instead of a disease waiting to be treated, then perhaps, you would be a little kinder at that difficult patient who seemed hell bent on making your life a living hell. Stop back and think, why is the patient acting this way? Is there some misunderstanding? Is there something bothering the patient? Or is there something you can help the patient with? Perhaps you might find your answer lies within those questions.

In med school, we are often taught to be 'professional', so as to provide the best (unemotional) care for our patients. It is a very real thing to get burnout from all the painful horrible things you see happening to people by being overly empathetic. But medicine is not only a science, it's also an art. And if you ask me, it's the latter that's hard to imitate. It has to come from the heart.

When does being 'professional' means being less human? I think it's still important to engage emotionally with your patient, coz with a good doctor that really cares for them, it is said patients feel almost half-healed after the encounter. However, as with all things, empathy should be doled out in moderation as well. A healthy work-life balance is essential to keep the enthusiasm for life going.

Two and a half years back, I remember what I wrote in the little box provided for each person in our batch magazine. I want to remember the reason I'm doing medicine even many years down the line. Now two and a half years later, I'm glad to say that I still remember.

Let's hope I would be able to sustain these thoughts for a long time more.

I'm Still Here :P

Hi guys! Don't worry, I'm still alive! This must have been the longest I haven't blog in a stretch, especially when there are no exams looming around.

Anyway, I am currently in my 3rd week of electives in Singapore, I'd just finished 2 weeks of Emergency Medicine, which was really an eye-opening experience. Today I just started in General Medicine which has a more set schedule compared to the former. But I do like it when I can control my own time :P

If there's any recurrent theme to my elective experience so far, is the massive amount of knowledge I still don't know. le sigh. Don't even need to mention about retaining the knowledge previously learnt. >.<

I need to study... but I feel so lazy. This will be the last of awesome proper holidays. Singapore is great, I feel it's like a representation of what Malaysia could be. 'Could' is the all important keyword here. It shows that it has potential but lack the ability. Do you think it will change in the not-so-near future? One can only hope.

Anyway, I think I'm digressing here. One of the reasons I haven't blogged in sucha long time is that I have been busy (what else is new?) meeting up with friends. It's certainly nice to see old friends. Maybe it's because I have a life for once too. :P Oh and a lot of time spent travelling around as well. Been trying to figure out the public transport system of Singapore.

That's about it. Is this considered a dry update? Perhaps. But I have not been getting enough beauty sleep. *grumble mumble* :P

And yeah, I hope 2011 will prove to be an awesome year! My last year of med school. Gotta make it count. :D

A Better Forward

Today, my previous uni had a Christmas party and I was kindly invited as well.

It's nice to be in an atmosphere where most people knew each other and the general feeling is of joyful familiarity.

Looking back, this year, I realised that I have stopped the blaming game and the regretting. It's much better to look ahead and put my best foot forward. And because of that, I have come to appreciate what I do have, and to live and enjoy the present the best I can.

The other thing I also realised is that people can change for the better, despite how impossible it may seem previously. Perhaps that quote by Anne Frank can be held true; "I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart."

I think that, instead of preconceived notions, if you look hard and long enough, people will eventually show you their good side. Perhaps.

Wishing all my readers a very merry Christmas and a happy blissful 2011! :)

Interval

I know, I know, I haven't been the best role model blogger. But hey, I'm having a good time just chilling and doing the things I wanna do.

Anyway, I just finished my 2 weeks of paeds elective, which was really good. The dr asked a lot of questions and taught quite a lot too, so I really did get a lot out of these 2 weeks. :) And now, I know a little better about dengue and H1N1, cause the ward was full of them the past few days. 

I am currently writing this from a little town called Batu Pahat in Johor. Will be visiting old friends for about 2 weeks or so before going over to Singapore to start my one month long posting! And it's so good to see dear dear again after sucha long time. :D

Alright, that's all for now. I expect updates to be sparingly for now, for I realised that I write more when I'm emo. lol. And let's hope that's not the case for now.

But sometimes when the mood kicks in, write I will. Right, toodles!

Paeds Elective

Just got back from a 4D 3N family trip at Cameron Highlands. It was kinda boring actually coz I'd been there last year as well with my family.

But oh well, just enjoy the cool breeze there then and spend time with family. 

Anyway, I will be starting my elective in paediatrics tomorrow. boo... I want more holidays. haha. But okay lar, hope I get to see cute babies! :D