Jumping Hurdles - On Not Giving Up

Finally, I've time to sit down, relax and blog a proper post. Both hurdles are over - mock OSCE and haemato exam. *heaves sigh of relief*

I shall talk abt the exam first, coz emotions abt that are overwhelming.

Well, I didn't do well for the exam, despite the relatively larger amount of effort I put in. I did studied hard for it, but guess luck wasn't on my luck this time (unlike during respi). There were quite a few MCQs that I were not sure about, and I changed my answers countless times, but in the end, the wrong answer was chosen. And everyone knows that too many wrong MCQs can totally kill one off, as it's worth 2 marks per Q. I'm SO dead due to this.

Why oh why didn't I study that BS paper? That alone caused me 4 marks. =( And it had to come out Qs that can't be answered using common sense the ONLY time that I didn't read the BS lecture note. Bah.

Why oh why so few Qs abt pharmaco came out!! I think I'd have been able to answer better if they set more Qs on that. I see a general trend now, they like to focus on patho more, and pharmaco less. There were so many drugs against the parasites, but none came out. bleh. Do you know how much effort we students put in to memorise the stupid drug names?! Seriously, I think the paper shld be more balanced leh, pharmaco is important too... What is the point if you can make a diagnosis but can't treat the patient, right? Ish.

SAQs isn't too good either. Got quite a few wrong answers too. Hope the lecturer would accept some of my answers. *prays fervently coz I really need it this time* One thing that I don't like abt my uni's exams is that the way they phrased the Qs are always too vague, there are a lot of times I know the answers, just that I dunno what they want. ARGGH! [shld I start the "tearing hair out" tradition? o.O]

OSPE was generally bad for most ppl (as keeping to the usual tradition, gah). I cud answer a few of the Qs ("tembak" correctly the parasite!) but some of the answers for differential diagnosis is just plain weird. I'll admit that I really dunno. Guess I still hvta study harder!!

So that's the overview on the exam. I really am afraid that I'll fail again. ='( But this time, emotions are different. Last time, I'll admit that I didn't prepare properly for it, so I deserved to fail. But this time, it was the best preparation I had for a paper so far, but look at what happened. Luck really does play a role.

Sometimes I really wonder what the hell am I studying for. What is the use of studying, when the results don't match the effort put in? Don't you feel it, when your brain is oversaturated with too many facts, but you still can't answer the Qs? It's just absolutely, undeniably sad. I mean, what is the point of torturing myself with countless hours of studying? Sometimes I feel really super sien of studying. Have almost come to a point that I'm starting to become desensitized to exams...

Anyway, this is another wake up call I guess. Maybe the way I'm studying is not suitable. Might try to change a bit, thks for the suggestions, frenz. =) But this wake up call has given me the much needed oomph to study harder! (have been feeling lots of sien-ness lately) I must do well for GI~! And of coz, after that is the nightmarish EOS3! Prob shld have started preparing by now [shyt!!], really hope that I'll be able to find the motivation to continue on the battle for greatness! Gambate, fellow frenz, together we'll be able to go thru this!

----------------------------------------------------

Okay, finally got that out of my system. Time to blog abt mock OSCE. Hmm, funnily it wasn't as bad as I imagined.

Anyway, for physical examination, peripheral arterial disease and pleural effusion came out. I wasn't really good at the PAD station coz haven't really pratice that. Guess need to relearn that. oh well. Fortunately, I did quite well at the pleural effusion station. The lecturer even praised me! Yayz, all that practice paid off!! ^v^

Well, for history taking, it wasn't that straightforward. Cudn't do a lot of the Qs. sigh. Hvta improve on that... which means learning more. Back to the same old thing abt studying. Aih. (still, learning and studying are two total different things!!) >.<

BS station wasn't that good for me. I got nervous since the BS lecturer is sitting beside, listening. Cudn't concentrate on what the patient is saying, which isn't good. The patient retorted back that she'd had already told me that she has fever with the night sweats when I asked abt whether she had fever. Blek. Well, at least I managed to soothe the "angry" patient down easily, but I think she's more upset then angry. Before this, I'd seen an SP that looked really angry. She was a good actor, didn't even want to shake hands. -_-""

Okay, that's about all. Blogging has always been the best way for me to let up all the pent up emotions inside...

Reminder to self: Search for the fire inside... and keep it burning brightly! Rmb the ideals! Rmb the dreams...!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh ya, one last story b4 I go. Had a weird (bad) dream the night before mock OSCE. I dreamt that I was in the lecture hall with a few ppl. There was a grand piano in front of the hall. Apparently, I was there to sit for the practical piano exam. [wahliao, it has been so long since I sat for piano exam!] I waited impatiently for my turn, I was last, alas.

At that time, batchmates were trickling into the hall for the next lecture. The examiner put pressure on me by saying: "your batchmates are here, so you better do well, okay. Don't embarass yourself."

I gulped, I swear I cud almost feel the sweat dripping off my forehead. like this --> -_-"""""

Anyway, she was supposed to ask me a few Qs before starting. Guess what she asked me?

"What is a malignant lymphoma?" *zha dou* Before I cud answer, she then said: "what is a malignant neoplasm?" I ventured to affirm which Q she was asking, stating that all neoplasms are malignant.

She nodded, a bit like trying to cover up her mistake, while repeating her first Q. [I haven't cover that lecture yet then, but cud answer it due to AIR topic.] She was satisfied with my answer and let me off. Then, it was time to play my piece.

I wasn't really good, so decided to go kinda slow. Well, at least there's the melody, right? lol. (I wonder what song I played in my dream, still can't rmb it...)

Then I woke up, left wondering whether it's a bad omen for mock osce. Coz I've never been a person good at practical exams, always messed up due to nervousness. Luckily, mock osce went okay. So it shows that one shld never generalize things, and that practice makes perfect! *winks*

Alrighty, time to ciao... need some rest! =)

All will be fine one day, as long as we try our best. For the dreams. For the goodness. For the ideals.