A Down Day

Dunno why, don't feel good today, especially after the numerous Pathology labs today.

Felt kinda lethargic and went back and slept for more than 2 hours. And you know I normally don't do afternoon naps if I can help it. I didn't even felt like going out for dinner, so just cooked smtg simple.

I was kinda demoralized after the patho labs... coz the lecturers were asking so many things. And now only I finally come to the realization that I cannot remember so many things! *starts panicking and hyperventilating*

Maybe this is the wake up call I've been waiting for? I hope it motivates me instead of demoralizing me.

I dunno how am I gonna go thru the next month. With nothing on my mind but studying? I prefer if someone wud kindly shoot me.

Okay, fine, that was just crap. But seriously, I don't look forward to studying all the time for 4 more weeks.

I better buck up... coz really don't wanna fail as this exam is super important! I don't want to let my family down either. And I really wanna be a good doctor.

Right, enough crapping and back to burying my head among the notes.

PS: I need your support and encouragement now. But you're not here now. But I know you're giving me mental strength from afar. =)

PPS: KKB posting next monday till thursday. I'm grateful that I got the shorter, no-need-to spend-weekend-grp. But I kinda dislike the environment there which is either rainy or super hot. And that'd be yet another few days wasted which I don't think I can do any productive studying. *sigh*

A Med Joke And Then Some

Seriously, I think being a med student really consumes you - body and soul. Even the most normal of everyday things can be twisted to suit the warped viewpoint of a med student.

Case in question wud be something that happened last friday during our post-exam trip to Midvalley. (Names have been simplified to protect them from killing me.) :P

F: Hey, let's go look at colognes!

W: *stunned look and thinks to herself* Colons?

Me and F noticed the incredulous look on her face and started laughing uncontrollablly.

PS: Finally got to watch the finale of Heroes. The front was still as nail-biting as ever, but the ending wasn't as good as I expected... Well, I hope Season 2 gets better!

PPS: Found this anime which so far is quite intriguing. It's called Uninhabited Planet Survive. Click here for the link to stream it. It's about a bunch of teens from the future who accidentally got stranded on some uninhabited planet while they're on a sch trip to some other planet. Earth is no longer livable then, and they stay in space colonies which are totally man-made! To know more, just watch the anime! hehe.

PPPS: Yesh, I know I shld be studying my ass off the past few days, but I feel so lazy. There is no sense of urgency. And recently I've been addicted to this game called Sid Meier's Pirates - Live The Life! It's super fun... and I've been playing till I lost count of time, uh-oh. Can someone pls gimme a sense of urgency pls?? *sigh*

PPPPS: Today we had Behavioural Science - BS lab and practicals. The lab was kinda boring, but the practical was really fun~! Our difficult patients today were supposed to be anxious, even till the extent of crying! One of the SPs had damn good acting skills, I cud really believe that her anxiety was real. Omg! My SP's case was really funny becoz it involved some sensitive issues - i.e. sexual life. Hehe...

PPPPPS: Oh ya, almost forgot. Hope you guys have noticed that I've put up a new pic at my sidebar. Isn't it nice? *winks* Btw, I've added some photoshop effects to it to erm.... enhance my original beauty, yeah. It's my first effort in photoshopping a non-abstract subject. But I didn't do much lah, if you get what I mean. hehe.

Post GI

Well, this is the obligatory-every-post-exam-cum-celebrations-must-have-post. Where I shall keep to the tradition of first ranting abt the exam (with lots of minute details) and then finishing with a long-winded description of how we celebrated after that... lol.

I shall begin. Hajimek~

GI exam. How shall I put it? Seniors have always told us that this was THE toughest system to boot in all the systems studied in sem 2/3. And they were right. Amounting to a crazy total of 6 weeks, with the GI system covering the whole GI tract from the oral cavity down to the anus, that's one looooong way. Notwithstanding the fact, there's also liver, gallbladder and your pancreas. Crazy, ain't it?

Just a simple diagram to illustrate my point. hehe.

And now the uni has cut down on the lectures by taking away 11 lectures compared to seniors, expecting us to cover it in PBL or by reading on your own. Tough, man. And the poor lecturers were afraid that we might missed smtg, and thus have a tendency to merge 2 lectures into 1, making it hideously too fast for us to absorb what the heck is the lecturer talking abt. -_-

Oops, seemed to have digressed a bit, shld be talking abt the exam, not giving an intro abt how hard is it. lol.

Well, many synonyms can be used to describe the exam, but I shall stick with just one adjective - difficult. Lots of small minute details were asked. And funnily, as we often complained that pharmacology always come out very little in the previous papers, that day, we're left dumbfounded by the number of pharmacology questions that came out. :O I almost neglected reading that, but thks to the powers above that I didn't in the end. (actually it was only becoz I already made a mind map for it, so tot that shldn't waste my effort in making it, so shld read a bit, hehe) Lucky! :P

Oh ya, I gotta admit, this paper was set so much better than the last one. The questions weren't so vague anymore, it was a plain old case of either you know or don't know. Not like last time, where there were many questions that I knew the answers, but just didn't know that those are what they wanted. blek. This paper had a good balance of pharmaco, anatomy and pathology plus what-is-your-diagnosis-type of questions. Well, maybe a bit too little of physiology tho. But at least not always harping abt pathology tho, haha. The questions were more integrated too.

For me, I tot I did relatively better in the BCQ part (meaning I felt that I was fairly certain of the answers) manatau, I found out that I made lots of mistakes during the feedback. Aikz. See lah, too confident... shld have doubted the answers more. But I doubted too much during Haemato and changed lots of my answers, which were all wrong. Both approaches also failed. The best way is to really know your stuff so that you definitely picked out the best answer!! (yalah, I know, the last statement is redundant, lol)

SAQ was okay. Except that I suddenly cudnt rmb anything abt Ulcerative Colitis, altho I was anticipating it coming out in the exam... =( Time! What I needed is time... and maybe less procastination. Typical. haha.

OSPE, keeping to the tradition of making us utter "Wth!" under our breaths once we see the pics, was no less different this time. Q1 was okay, no prob with it. It was Q2 that provoked said reaction. I dunno how to classify the Q, it was more like anatomy of the mouth down to the epiglottis. But the labels were kinda unclear, not sure is which part they wanted. And I still think that the sublingual gland they labelled looks totally like a muscle, not fair!! *sigh*

Okay, I think that's enough abt the exam. Or my non-med-student-readers are gonna protest! lol.

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This time, as a post-exam-celebrations, we went to Midvalley catch Pirates of Carribean - At World's End.

Funny, I don't rmb seeing this poster. Maybe someone modified it or smtg.

We're also celebrating Li Yann's bday on that day too. (paiseh, everyone was so busy, so we hvta postpone the celebrations till that day ya!)

Where was I? Oh ya, Pirates. We're late due to the jam and a few ppl who were doing their AIR topic last minute. Aikz. So was kinda blur in the first few minutes of the movie.

Anyway, let me tell you, this movie totally rawrs!! It's one of the best movies I've watched in a looong time (hey I don't say that often).

Great action, nice choreography, solid plot, funny jokes, brilliant acting and not to forget, the loveable Captain Jack Sparrow. He's totally the funniest. My fav character. hehe. This movie is a must watch, I give it 5 stars! ^v^

Sao Feng (Chow Yun Fatt's Character), Barbosa & Jack Sparrow. they're pretty cool~!

My only grouch is that it was a bit too long (170 minutes) and my bladder kinda protested halfway... I cudnt go to the toilet becoz I didn't want to miss anything and the uncle sitting at the side is very garang. If I go out, he sure scold me wan. scary~ Besides, my fren said the door was locked too. :O

For dinner, we went to Kim Gary! (haha, my fav) I tried smtg new for once, had the spaghetti baked with cheese and chicken. Was quite nice, but of coz, the cheese-baked rice is the best. I'm totally a fan of Hong-Kong fusion food. *winks*

Of coz, no bday celebrations are ever complete without a cake! We had laid our plans well, we asked someone else other than our girl gang to get the cake, so as not to arouse her suspicions. Thks to ThuanTzen and LiShan who got the cake! =)

And we managed to surprise her "a bit"... so guess all's well. ["A bit" becoz SueWen nearly terbocor our plans, haha]

After that we went jalan-jalan a bit lo. Managed to buy something (the usual after exam self-pampering) but still can't find the bag I need. Aikz. Dunno when's the next time we'll have time to hang out again. We seemed to pattern hang-outs after an exam, which is quite sad, isn't it? *sigh*

Then, it was time to go home lo. It was quite late ade at that time, and some still needed to drive home from vista to PJ. And thus ended the celebrations. I had a great time... ^o^

And after fun, comes hard work. Aikz. Time to start slogging for EOS3! =(

We all must gambate ya! This is THE exam!!

PS: Sorry if I sound incoherent in this post. Kinda late at night when I was typing this post.. sleepy. hehe

:: Food Magic ::

Yeah, yeah, I'm having GI exam tmr... but feel very sien studying. -_- So tot I'll amuse myself you guys with some cool pics of - believe it onot - food!

Here goes: *stomach rumbles*

Omg! the sushi looks very tasty... and the rabbits are so kawaii~! :P

Wow, so geng! the couple looks so life-like... and the pigs are cute! hehe.

Eee! bread that looks too cute to be eaten... my fav is the first lady bread. haha.

Oh my! Freaking cool bento that is just too artistic to be eaten!! *drools*

Creative use of ingredients! besides being super healthy too!

Ooo.. the three fishes so kawaii!

Funny, they remind me of some jap festival culture.. hmm...

This one is my fav out of the rest! Coz the cat looks super life-like! Cute!

The use of ingredients and the skills are very good!

hehe.. so cute, pink dog with a heart summore!

wow, the rice is coloured pink! Woots!

wow, the little animals looks so snugly and kawaii~! *shiny eyes*

(yesh yesh, I know the word cute/kawaii is sooo overused in this post. blek.)

Well, I guess that's all for now... No time to do a proper update. maybe tmr night or smtg lah, after exam. *tachycardia*

Gonna watch Pirates of Carribean - At World's End tmr! [many thks to Beh who bought the tickets in advance for us!]

Alright, wish me luck...! And good luck and gambate to my frenz! We'll conquer the GI exam!!

I hope. *gulps*

Freaking Frustrated~!

Today has just been nothing but one bad news after the other. =(

Had the EOS briefing at 11 am, and we're (well more specifically) moi was frightened to death over the fact that I have so much to cover for EOS and I haven't even freaking started!!

And Dr.Thani bombarded us with slide after slide of OSPE pics. Oh yes, shoot me pls.

Anyway, after that it was some briefing on our electives. And once again, I was chosen to be leader for my group (by some random bad fate or smtg)! Aikz. And I didn't have breakfast so was ravished (as in ravenous + famished! eh, I invented a new word for super hungry! haha...) but still hvta stay back, arggh. However, that's a small thing of coz, luckily for my group, we're all going different places, so we hvta write our own letters. Well, I'd briefed all the ppl in my group, so that's over and done with. phew~

After that, it was a lecture on pancreatic pathology... I feel so drained. (btw, it's the last lecture of sem3! omg!)

And all this time, I was suffering from quite severe back pain. I dunno why it's been coming on and off for the past week... Hope it's not a malignancy or smtg! :O *smacks own head for thinking too much*

Put all this aside, the killer bad news came during dinner.

I'm supposed to move in July, and I'd found a suitable room a few weeks ago. Tot all was settled and was quite happy. Manatau, today only the agent called me to say that there was a mistake in the rent agreed~! WTF!

Instead of the market price of abt RM500 for the room, she told me that it was supposed to be a twin-sharing with each paying RM500!!!! And she was oh-so-nice to talk to the owner and got me a discounted rent of RM700!

$%^*&%*@!!!!!! (sorry, I've run out of appropriate expletives!!)

That is SO not worth it... and your house isn't that nice either okay! Totally freaking insane. And summore hvta pay all 6 months' rent in one shot. No wayyyy!!

So I probably hvta turn her down... which means I'll be sleeping on the streets, come July. -_-

I'm freaking frustrated now... This has happened too many times!! Really sick of all this. ARRGH. Is it so hard to find a room that I want or am I too picky?!

Why does this sort of thing always happens to me? I see other ppl living so happily with their hsemates... they help each other and sorts. I don't ask for so much, I just wanna have a peaceful life and study with calm emotions.

Is that too much to ask for? Gah. *stomps around room, pretending that I weigh as much as an elephant, okay, fine I was just trying to be farny*

Whatever. I gotta pull myself together and study hard for the coming exam first...

But my emotions are affecting me too much. Progress is slow. I'm so dead. shyt. ='(

Penchant For Porridge

I seemed to have a penchant for posting food posts recently. [There's nothing wrong with a girl saying that she lurves food okay! I'd say that eating good food is sort of a reward for me...]

I'll try to make this a quick one, with pics!

Anyway, this is what I had for dinner today. I had been totally craving for porridge (don't ask me why) for the past few days, so I finally got to cook it today. Of coz, it's not as tasty as the ones my mum cooked, but I'll improve over time!

Tada~!

Chicken Porridge with mushroom and nuts for that added crunch!

Actually, I know why my porridge doesn't taste as nice as my mum's porridge. Becoz I used chicken fillet instead of real chicken with bones... The chicken pieces felt relatively hard. aikz. Next time hvta buy real chicken I guess, but kinda troublesome. Hvta chop chicken pulak. -_- No time lah...

I finally got the porridge to the consistency I want - not too watery or too thick, just nice. The first time I cooked, it became too thick in the end.

This is my first time eating it with nuts, it's a good addition to the porridge, and of coz, with limited ingredients, it's always a mix and cook fest for me! hehe.

Below is the so-called side dish.

Side dish... a fusion of foodstuffs.

I think you know the nuggets, they're a regularly featured member of this blog, so they need no introduction :P (what can I say? They are ready made, easy to cook and yummy to taste! lol.)

The salted eggs are a first, I just lurve eating porridge with salted eggs. There's another dish my mum used to cook - which is steam egg mixed with meat that I liked eating with porridge too, but I don't have the equipment for that here.

If you're observant, you might have noticed that there are small pieces of meat on the plate. Those are chicken fillet dipped in egg and fried... Tastes okay, probably shld have added some seasoning tho.

Just another closed-up pic of my porridge... *nice taste*

"Huh? It's looks a bit bland?"

Of coz I added generous amounts of soya sauce and pepper before I eat lah.. haha. Besides, the salted egg gives it enough taste already.

Alright, signing off now, till the next food post! *licks lips*

B.A.D.

Yesh, I'm gonna declare that for once, I'm a bad student today. Guess what I did? I skipped PBL 2 today - it's my first time since I started (told ya I was a good student).

It was just too much that I cudn't take it anymore... @.@

The craziness. The palpitations. The scurrying emotions. The many hours spent on PBL alone. The mental abuse. The stacked-up mountain-high pile of notes waiting impatiently for me to finish them.

Yes, truth to be told, I learnt a lot of things that I might have not known before... but will that be asked in the exam?

I can't sacrifice my GI exam just purely I spent too much time on PBL, don't you see?

I just can't.

(you understand, don't you?) *eyes big big, with tears swirling inside* Just kidding abt the tears, hehe.

Yesh, I know that we shld learn for the sake of learning per se, but I really don't wanna repeat the experience of feeling like a failure again. Besides, some of the stuff we learnt don't have any clinical importance anyway, although it's good to know. *shrugs*

It was a hard decision to make on my part, I struggled, but gave up in the end. [yes, it's a case of learned helplessness]

I really wonder how some ppl can skip countless PBLs just like that, without a tinge of guilt or anything... My conscience can be overwhelming sometimes, I guess.

Anyway, what's done done. And I learnt something valuable from this.

It's okay to be "bad" sometimes. As long as it's for the right reasons. yeah. hehe!

PS: Wow, before I end my ramblings, now blogger automatically saves our posts every other minute! No need to Ctrl + C the whole post everytime I press the Publish Post button for fear of losing the whole painstakingly typed post due to server failure or whatever the reason. And no need to keep saving my posts halfway thru typing them! Yipee~!

PPS: Last but not least, wanna wish Li Yann a very Happy Birthday here! Reaching the big 20 ade eh! Cheers, girl~! Good luck and all the best in the days to come! ^v^

Randomly

As expected, I failed my mock osce... Funnily, I don't really feel anything. I was like "oh, this is my result ke? Not very good hor..." And then, I didn't think of it anymore. lol.

Besides, I was only "well" prepared for the physical examinations... not for the theory part anyway in taking histories. That needs mugging... lots of it. *sigh*

But whatever, don't really care. Got lots of other things to focus on - for e.g. GI exam on next friday! o.O I'm a bit behind due to spending too much time on PBLs (you know why -_-") so guess I gotta buck up!

[Btw, I'm quite satisfied with my history taking this morning in CSU although I missed a few things... that's great to hear! I must continue to improve~! More amassing of knowledge, yup!]

Been spending quite some time in the library.. coz I get distracted very easily at home. (don't underestimate the evils of an internet connection and movie streaming! oh my!) Well, not that it's a lot better in the library. I'll get the innane urge to talk to the ppl around me. Gomen~

But besides that, not much distractions, except, well maybe of the mind. But luckily, those are few and far in btw.

Listening to songs while studying seems to be THE way to go, judging by the enormous number of ppl who do just that. I tried it today, it was quite good... except for the fact that my mp3 is a bit "cacat" as in the fact that I can't scroll to the next song now...coz the button is faulty! Ish. Guess I'll hvta get it fixed soon. But it's still usable now, except that I can't change songs halfway... Which means I'll hvta delete those songs not really suited to the studying atmosphere. yeap!

Well, I seemed to be rambling here, don't I? Just something to procastinate on in btw notes... :T

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Speaking of procastination, my PBL fasci mentioned smtg a few days back.

He said the Main Two Addictions of a Student are:

1. Procastinating and
2. Being defensive

If you think objectively, what he said has some element of truth in it.. I'm totally guilty of #1. That is smtg I need to work on... but that needs alot of discipline. Which is what I'm trying to do by spending a lot of my time in the library. So far, progress is relatively satisfactory.

Abt #2, I'm not sure. It's kinda has a broad spectrum meaning, doesn't it? But I guess I can be defensive, depending on the situation... but whatever. This is really just pure typing what my brain tells me to type.

Erm I might had better spend that time on doing AIR topic or smtg. Which btw is freaking hard... I don't even know where to start!!! #$%^*&$@

Alrighty, better to get back to hitting the notes books... yup! Till the next time, ciaoz!

And He's Back!

Wow, have been extremely busy these pass few days.

Busy studying? Nah. I wish. *yawns*

Instead, we have been spending time with a certain person. And that person is none other than Hwei Sung! Yesh, he is back in the flesh... after leaving us to go to UNIMAS after sem 1... It was a sad departure then. (full post here)

Yeap, he came back on sunday, with a surprise visit planned. Only a few select ppl knew of his plan. It was so farny seeing others' surprised looks when he suddenly appeared from behind, lol. It has been such a long time since we last seen him, almost one year already.

Everyone was of coz glad that he was back. And it took us lots of time to fill him in on the MANY events that had happened while he was away. And boy, we only gave him overviews! But we just couldn't stop talking... Come to think of it, a lot really has happened the past few months... Wow.

Anyway, we went out for a nice dinner on sunday (wanted to go sumwhere more special, but becoz it was Mother's Day too, so everywhere was super packed!), mamak that night. Yesterday, he sneaked went back into IMU - still has his ID tag, hehe - and had lunch and went to lecture with us. Looking at this, it never ceases to amaze me the fact that he can come and go as he wishes seems like he has never left. *sigh*

Last night, we had a special dinner at Asia Cafe too. It was my first time there, and I gotta admit, it's quite a happening place! So many food choices there! wow. Oh ya, then they went Redbox after that (12-3am!!), pity I cudn't go becoz I was rather tired and it was kinda expensive anyway. Paiseh ya. And the free time in btw was spent playing PS2... he says that he misses playing Winning Eleven on that, lol. After 1 year of none playing, I hvta admit, he's still rather good. hehe.

Well, I'm glad that all of us are still able to talk and laugh together with none of the awkwardness that you might find common among frenz that have lost touch for sometime. I guess, it's true that frenz will always remain frenz, no matter how far apart one is from the other. yeap!

Anyway, he's going back today. I wonder what time is he leaving. Never tell us also. I wanna say my goodbyes eh... ^v^

PS: Abt PBLs, well let's just say use the words hectic and insane to describe it. But hvta admit, I learnt a lot of anatomy. And the human body is wayyy to complicated! Omg... @.@

PPS: Oh ya, for the (un)observant, they probably might have noticed that I've finally gotten a new advert for my blog! Yayz~! Thank you, Pensonic! =) Guess that my hits are high enough now... pity that I don't have time to write up really good posts. Or else the hits might shoot up higher... Anyway, hope that I get to earn some moolah this time! Yippee!

A New Dish And Then Some

Yet again, another food post! ^v^

This dish is a "family recipe" of sorts, and improvised by no other than me...! (cooked with help by Kee - better credit him, or else he'll say I never mention him!) hehe.

Feast your eyes. (notice the pun? lol)

Doesn't it look absolutely yummy-licious? *licks lips*

The mee is specially brought from penang, coz I've some distant family that makes this wantan mee. Therefore, it can be considered as A-grade stuff~! Yummy!

The wantan mee is boiled and seived as normally done. What is different is that my family makes the sauce from a mixture of sesame oil + pepper + soya sauce for that delicious unique taste!! (Latter two are also good stuff, especially the soya sauce which is made by the same distant family!)

Hey, careful! Don't drool over that keyboard~! :P I feel hungry just looking at it...

What I have improvised is that I've added sausages slices fried with some pepper seasoning. I've also added some fried nuts (which is used for other dishes normally) to give it a different texture... crunchy! And last but not least, the nuggets were specially dipped in lots of egg before frying.

Conclusion is that it was really tasty... I love it! *heart*

It doesn't really have a name. Maybe I shld name it Zizi's Wantan Mee, huh? lol.

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Speaking of naming food, that reminds of smtg farny that happened during dinner a few days ago.

We're talking abt the rumours that one/both of our canteen operators were maybe leaving for greener pastures. Which might leave us rather deprived of food... scary!

Anyway, then we're joking that if we opened a fastfood restaurant ourselves (actually might earn more money too!)... what would we name the restaurant and food there.

Numerous names were given. Even McBear Happy Meal sets that come with cute teddy bears were planned to be given out. :P [inside joke!]

But nothing more farny than this.

KG Burger - Eat this and put on the Kgs!

*Complete with smooth suave advert voice and all*

(KG = Kao Gai = Beh's fav phrase = very what the heck! in hokkien)

If you don't get the joke, don't worry... it's more like an inside joke. Just tot it was worth putting up since it was really funny! :D

Anyway, at least do appreciate the pun inside the motto. Because I was the witty-pants that came up with it. hehe. [I wonder who would want to eat this burger, probably only those that are underweight? lol.]

I lurve fooood....

Craving For A Brownie

It was late at night.

I thought it was really sweet of you to purposely drive out to buy me the brownie that I was craving for...

Despite the fact that you just said it was a bit mafan ("troublesome") and out of the way when I told you of my craving in the library.

Thanks. I appreciate it. =) Love ya~

PS: Sorry for the lack of updates, recently. Been spending LOTS of time preparing for PBL only. sigh. More of this and I'm really gonna go nutty! @.@

PPS: Going to watch Spiderman 3 tmr night, after my crazy PBL is done! Thanks for purposely going to Sunway to buy the tickets too!! ^v^

World's Best Suicides

I got this from an email, and tot it was farny enough to share it with you guys. Behold, here are some of the best suicides in the world~! ^v^

Well, a cat has nine lives indeed.

Looking at this, the poor cat need 4 more ways to kill itself. lol.

Suggestions, anyone?

Man, doesn't the cannibal loves his food!

So much so that he have started eating himself~! Ewww...

He'll probably die by the time he reach his heart tho. Blek.

Wow, this guy sure has chosen a bad tree to commit suicide by hanging.

He'd probably die by starvation first b4 the tree has time to grow tall enough. lmao!

I didn't know it was physically possible to flush urself down the toilet!

He really must have run out of ways to kill himself. Poor thing.

Changing of Fortunes - For Good or For Bad?

Alright, haven't really been talking abt my life for sometime. Here's a catch-up post of sorts.

Well, my life has been going fine and dandy for quite a few days. *hums "Don't worry, be happy" tune* :P Dunno, maybe after cutting down on the complaining/whining, my heart has become lighter? I hope so. =)

I was in quite good spirits the last few days. And if there's anything that may pull me down, I just tell myself to take it like it is and just be happy, heck. To tell the truth, there were many reasons that I cud had been down last week *think of PBLs for example*, but I didn't. Just took it in my stride. For that, I'm quite proud that I'm making improvement.

However, there are some issues that ruffled a few of my feathers today, so to speak. Just some "moving house vs staying put" issues. Actually, it is a minor thing, but caught unawares, my mood just spiralled downhill. Plus the fact that it's been a looong day where my will is put to test yet again *think of CSU just now*

I must tell myself now, no way am I gonna let this stupid thing bother me! I am strong. I'm trying to improve... how can I stop becoz of this? NO WAY!

Okay, this might sound incoherent to you guys but anyhow, I'm just trying to get my spirits up. I'm not going to let this minor stupid thing get me down. yup! I feel better now, except for the backache. aikz.

Anyway, just as a note to self: I'm so glad that I've managed to catch myself halfway thru a sentence before saying anything hurtful for the past few days. (well, I failed once last night, but it was out of a good intention) But excluding that, the plan for change towards a better self is going well.

If I continue on, I think I'd be able to see some significant improvement. Now, I just need to remember when to keep my big mouth shut. The difficult thing is not talking, or keeping silent; the most important thing is to know when to talk or not to talk, that is the question! - as Shakespeare would have put it, if it'd occured to him.

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something. - Benjamin Franklin

That is smtg I'm trying to do, it's not easy, given that I'm someone that had cultivated the habit of shooting off my mouth without going thru my brain (though scientifically that isn't possible), but still I'll persevere. Plus that with the fact that I'm trying not to whine so much, and you get a relatively more silent me? Am I nothing but whines + insults? I wonder.

Anyway, this post is just to cheer myself on, to continue fighting the odds. Everything will be fine one day, as long as we keep trying our best, right? That's what I like to believe anyway. yeah.

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On another not really related note, I haven't blogged abt my haemato results yet. It was released last monday. And I was really really afraid of what I was going to get... but I kept telling myself: "if I really didn't do well, I'm not allowed to whine, remember that, zzzyun." It was not easy to keep those emotions whirling inside me in check, but I did.

But I guess, by some stroke of good fortune, or maybe I've accumulated enough good karma - who knows - I got a relatively good result. It was really unexpected, let me be frank with you, so I guess the lecturers were super lenient in the SAQ part. Coz I made lots of wrongs in the MCQs. yeah. If you had just let me borderline-pass, I'd had been thankful already coz I was all prepared to fail.

Btw, lots of people didn't do well this time. I think this was the worst average results of my batch among all the in-course assessments, yes, including CVS. Abt 70 ppl failed Haemato, compared to CVS where around 50 failed. So Haemato is officially THE killer paper for now. However, I'm sure EOS3 would be the cream of the crop though, so to speak. -_-"

Oh ya, if you're observant, you might have noticed that I've added a Countdown to EOS in the sidebar of my blog. That was becoz I found out that I've less than 60 days left a few days ago. *loud gasp in horror* So I tot that if I put sucha countdown timer in my blog, it might motivate me to study more. Hope it works.

Speaking of studying, I better get my fingers off this keyboard and open up those notes! *yikes*

Fish And Chips

This is what me and Kee cooked for lunch today. It was first time I was trying my mum's recipe for Fish and Chips, so we're testing it out and hoping that it will turn out yummy-licious!

And guess what? It did~!

Let's tempt you guys with some pics.

Behold, Fish and Chips - minus the Chips. lol.

Doesn't it look delicious? *licks lips - oh cephalic phase! * -_-"

Oh ya, forgot to arrange the pieces so the sausages were a bit hidden from sight. (can you spot them? hehe)

Cooking this isn't too hard.

Here's what you need - The Ingredients:

1. A few pieces of Dory Fish (err, not that type from Finding Nemo okay)
2. Pepper
3. Eggs
4. Salt
5. Bread Crumbs - it's packaged in boxes in supermarkets

First, to marinate the fish for taste! It's better to do this the night before so that the sauce can seep in for that perfecto taste.

Right, start by slicing the fish pieces (longitudinally, lol) into thinner slices [after thawing of coz]. It may look quite thin now but when you add the coat, it will become thicker in size.

Then, break the eggs into a container. Add pepper and salt - amount is up to your discretion. I think it takes experience to know how much to put. I think it's better to put a little bit more so that there's enough taste.

After that, dip the fish slices into the mixture. Make sure all surfaces are marinated adequately. Then keep this in the fridge overnight.

The next day, take it out earlier for it to defrost. When you're ready to cook your meal, place the still moist fish slices into the breadcrumbs which are set out on a plate. Make sure to cover the entire surface area of the fish slices with the breadcrumbs.

Heat up the pan, then add in generous amounts of oil since it's best to deep fry. The oil must at least cover the fish slices. However, I cut down on that since I don't wanna increase my oil intake, but it tastes best deep fried of coz.

Right, it's time to add the fish slices into the pan! yayz. If you deep fry, there's less worries when turning them over. Unlike me, who wanted to stir fry, there were some problems over the breadcrumbs coming off halfway. [notice those 'defects' in the pics? hehe]

Make sure it's properly cooked before taking it out. (who knows what sort of bacteria cud be inside! but hey, spores are heat-stable right? uh-oh)

Anyway, this is another delicious pic of how the end product looked like.

*scrumptious* I wouldn't mind cooking it again! =D

Don't you lurve the angle this photo is taken? hehe.

Actually, to confess, I quite enjoy cooking. Minus the 'mafan' parts like preparation and cleaning up though. I like the real cooking and the eating part. keke.

If I can be at least half a good cook as my mum is, I'd be sooo happy ade lo! Maybe I'll learn some more chinese-y dishes next. ^v^

Alright, till the next time I steal more of my mum's recipes! (gotta start learning more, since need to cook more next time when I go overseas, yup!)

Mental Disorder + New Book

(yesh, I know the title of this post is very uncreative. But my brain has gone bust on me.)

Oh, look! I've finally proven that I'm mental. yay. :P

What mental disorder do you have? Your Result: GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) You can never seem to calm down and always feel anxious for unknown reasons. You tend to not be able to concentrate and have headaches or other anxiety symptoms.
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
Manic Depressive
Paranoia
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have?

Well, I've always tot that I was a bit psycho. hehe. But look! Since I seemed to suffer from many mental afflictments, they have diagnosed me with Generalised Anxiety Disorder. How convenient.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Why am I not surprised. Perfect example wud be someone overly concerned with personal hygiene till they start taking multiple baths a day. That someone was me. "Was" becoz I'm trying to control now. Besides, water is getting expensive. blek.

Manic Depressive - Wasn't sure what is it till I check trusty Wikepedia. Apparently it's means Bipolar Disorder. Trust me to understand the medical term for it. lol. Hmm. Not very sure, but since I do suffer from mood swings now and then (normally with reason of coz) I guess this is relatively true. *shrugs*

Paronia - Who wouldn't be in this dark dangerous age? Where walking alone in a dark street at night is cause enough for palpitations. But so far I'm okay with this. Haven't gotten really bad yet. :P

Attention Deficit Disorder - Oh, I scored quite low for this. So it means I can pay FULL attention to you whenever you come and talk to me. hehe. Anyway, I still think I suffer from this whenever I'm facing my lecture notes/medical textbooks. Like what I'm doing now. I shld be reading abt the anatomy of the $%#$%@ transverse colon. bleh.

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On another unrelated note, I finally gotten this great book - Oxford Handbook of Clinical Medicine! (which I'd thought of buying for a long long time ade)

yesh, this is a pic of the 6th edition. the newest I cud find.

And it was lucky that I didn't buy it on impulse in VK. The seventh edition is out! With colour and a radiology section as well! *carress its cover lovingly* lol.

Btw, many thks to Beh who got it for me in Kamal bookshop for a dirt cheap price of RM59~!! *whoops of joy* I'm so happy that I got a bargain. keke.

So far I find it rather handy and useful. At least it's petite enuf for me to not find it a burden to lug it around. *think of the humongous papa dorlands that I shldn't have bought, sigh*

Alrighty, time to get back to reading abt colons and what-nots. bah.

PS: Just tot that I'd blog a post that has slightly less words in it after the last few wordy posts - congrats to those who managed to read everything! Anyway, thks to those who supported me thru my emo period. hehe. I'm feeling much better now.

Sweeping The Dust Off

This topic has been discussed to death but I shall plod on with my own interpretation of the subject.

Friends. Your second family after your real family. The closest people that you will come to depend upon, especially when you're a few hundred km/miles from your real family. Those who have been thru this will certainly nod their heads in ackowledgement.

I really really admire and envy those who have been good frenz since childhood/primary school/high school till now. Somehow gives a real meaning to the phrase "Frenz Forever" don't you think? =) I could never boast of that, since my frenz and I were often separated thru a series of rather unfortunate events after finally bonding and becoming comfy with each other.

Hereforth, I shall remisnice abt my personal friendship history, so to speak. [but of coz, no names ya]

Primary School:

That is kinda blury. (hey, my memory ain't that good already to start in the first place, right?) But I definitely remember that from most of my "best friends" that I made were sent to a different class every next year. And that was how our friendship wiltered. Maybe we're just too young.

In standard 5, I met you. You were different, but not in a good way. You taught me how to be mean, and I followed you around. My excuse was that I was impressionable? -_- Luckily in standard 6, I'd finally seen you with my real eyes. And in the end, I became good frenz with the person that you dissed for no reason. (I shall name her as Fruity) Ironic, isn't it? Well, we make our mistakes. *shrugs*

High School:

I tot I could continue being good frens with you, Fruity. However, you became a school prefect (one of the much hated groups! o.O) and I was a self-proclaimed rebel. And the distance btw us grew wider and wider. Saddened, somehow I met another bunch of frenz. They were smart and witty. So we became good frenz from then on.

However, smtg bad happened during the 3rd year. Another person invaded our space and things were never the same again, however hard we tried to breach the gap. (complete story here and here) That was one of the crucial turning points in my life. I was really hurt that time, and kept everything inside till I almost wanna "explode" emotionally . After cooling down, I told myself that I'm never hurting myself that way again and swore that I'll just tell everybody whatever was on my mind. No more bottling up...! [experiences do shape what we become in a way] So maybe you peeps might understand a little more abt why I turned out to be who I am today = someone that is too outspoken for her own good.

Anyway, continue the story. My grades plunked significantly then (and I'd like to blame it on that incident but, who knows...) and I was sent back one class. A class with people that were very foreign to me. But my disappointment turned to happiness when I met another group of frenz that brought me lots of joy. Those days were really good happy days. I miss those days, although they were short-lived. :D

In the fifth year, I was sent back to the first class coz I've managed to pull back my grades. I finally got what I wanted, but I really miss those frenz. We tried our best to remain tight as a gang, but our efforts were nothing but a futile fight put against fate. We plan outings and hang outs... it was something out of a feeling that was fast fading, but better than nothing. Till this day, we do keep in contact now and then. So I'm still glad. ^v^

Fifth year in the original class? I was more distant I guess. Didn't really want anything dramatic with that other group. Guess I was just emotionally tired. Nothing really special. The tightness of that special old bond was sought after but could never be returned, although we did tried. But at least we do remain in irregular contact till now. I'm happy that they are doing well. =)

Tuition Centres:

Fourth year in high school was the first time I went to a tuition centre (before this all were private small classes) I'd like to say that it was Fate that brought us together. We just became fast frenz... a gang of us that studied together during classes, ate fries with mayonaisse and talked crap during breaks. Really really miss those happy times. It was great fun! *eyes turned glassy with memories* I met one good fren there and most of us still keep in touch nowadays. Though I feel that what we're doing now is still not enough. We must add oil in keeping this bond intact! I really treasure it~!! ^o^

College:

A year of new discoveries. The same curse striked and a good fren that I became close with left the college not long after. But we still keep in contact and she gives me good advice now and then. She's really different and do things her own way, and I admire her for that. =) After her departure, it was more like downhill all the way. It was the first time I kena backstabbed by someone I tot was a fren, but I shall not talk more abt that. (complete story here) It really opened my eyes to the ways of the world. Who can blame me if I'm a little cynical? Been there, done that.

University (still in the making):

I guess in the end, naive me was still hoping that I could experience true friendship in its purest form. Maybe I had, I dunno. Maybe I will come to a conclusion in the future. Anyway, [I dunno how many of you'd be reading this] but I wanna say I'm very happy to have the luck to meet you guys here (both girl and guy gang) and I really appreciate the times we have together. Of coz, since most of us stay in Vista, of coz, we would spend more time together compared to normal frenz. It wasn't all happy joyful times, but hey, sad times and conflicts do strengthen the bond, don't they? ^o^

We basically do almost everything together. We study, gossip, eat, chill, talk crap, hang out together. That's what I meant earlier when I said friends are like your second family. yeah. Anyway, most of us would be parting ways slightly more than a year later - thinking of this bring tears to my eyes - but it's smtg that is inevitable.

But at least we had some fun times, didn't we? Well, let's hope that we will use the time left wisely and treasure it for a loooong time to come. Cheers!

Smtg tells me that after uni life, real friendship is smtg hard to come by again, especially among colleagues. Maybe I'll discuss that in a later post. I didn't want to believe this (see? naive!), but this is what others told me.

Right, so far my story is up till now. The future is up to us to weave! (^v^)v

= Life life so there are no regrets! =

Angel vs Demon(s)

Wrestling with inner demons is never an easy task. Not one that can be vanquished in the snap of fingers. It takes time.. long perseverance. An aspect that I still haven't been able to happily brag that I acquire.

Anyway, here's the scoop of the year week. The fault that I had accused others of having in this post, only the other day, I was enlightened to that fact that I am guilty of the very same thing myself. I'm sucha hypocrite, ain't I?

Yeah, apparently, I'm quite a scrawny whiner myself in my very own way. Well, I've always been one to do things different from the herd, huh? Anyway, what she say is true, come to think of it, (although the sudden frankness of it practically took my breath away, I was stunned for quite sometime).

This has suddenly reminded me of some books that I read in my childhood. Some of you might have rmb reading stories of "Elizabeth - The Naughtiest Girl in The School" by Enid Blyton. She was a headstrong girl, but at one part, she was enlightened to the fact that it takes courage to admit one is wrong, and it takes lots of determination to change for the better.

Well, thinking back, what she say is very true. [yes, I really appreciate your honesty, only a true fren would tell you when you're wrong, right? Thanks.] Funny how the morals of a childhood tale can come back to haunt us, eh?

Well, I do have the courage to admit I'm wrong. I wonder if I have the determination to change? That remains to see.

However, it still is hard at times. Suddenly, you feel a bit more ALONE in this lonely world, when before this, you thought you could alwix count on good frenz to be your moral-cheerleading squad in dark times. (those who still have the luxury to depend on your parents, enjoy it for as long as it lasts, maybe you'll understand more then)

Sometimes, I wonder. Who can I turn to? Someone that won't think that I'm just some troublesome person who whines a lot abt stupid stuff. *looks around and sees no one* [btw I'm definitely allowed to whine on my blog, coz no one put a gun to your head and force you to read okay]

I need someone that I can talk to without any restraint. Just totally baring my soul. Who is that angel that can lend me his/her shoulder to cry upon? *Sigh*

I can see that it's not gonna be easy, in fact, more like an uphill marching task. SOS signals seemed to be emitting from my brain, I dunno why.

Well, as another fren said, we all wish to be someone that brings life and smiles to others, but by being a whiner, I'm doing the exact opposite. I'll be sucking the life out of others. And do more of that, and people will start avoiding you like the plague. yeah.

Alright, I dunno what to write anymore. The rest I'll just leave it to ferment in my scrawny shrivelling brain. Besides, if I start whining too much in my blog, I just might scare my readers away, huh?

Whatever.

Keeping Up The Pleasing Facade

Sometimes, I wonder how do people find the energy and the will to try to please others and feed their egos by saying nice sweet nothings [which they don't mean at all] almost every single minute of the day.

I can't. I just can't find it in me to purposely please others, especially when you yourself might be burning with anger and indignation inside. I have always firmly believed that one shld be true to one ownself. Today was the first day someone told me straight to my face that she likes the fact I'm very true to myself AND meant it as a compliment. Before this, it was always "I really like you that you're very straightforward and true to yourself. But maybe you shld change a bit, as it might be not advantageous to you in the future."

It's true. Maybe it's my biggest flaw, the fact that I'm extremely crippled in hiding my own emotions, which have been going thru a maelstrom lately. Which a lot can said to be due to undue stress.

Yes, I get easily stressed up over the smallest silliest things. And a lot of the time, it's out of concern and worrying for others. But no, I don't think they know or appreciate it. Instead, they might think that I'm just an oversensitive bitchy fool who complains and whines a lot over the tiniest stuff. Can anyone teach me how to be indifferent and not care so much? It's hurting me and people around me.

I'm feeling lost now. It doesn't take much to make me happy and forget my troubles. But it also doesn't take much to take it all away and watch the rocks come crashing down. That's how I am made. But this time, it might be that the sky is the one that is falling down. And no, I'm not a character in a Chicken Little bedtime tale.

It's not healthy. But it's not easy to change. You are not me, so you probably won't understand. And will just dismiss this post as just an "emo post" which in the end, very well might just be that.

But can anyone tell me please, how in the world, do you go on and on keeping up this facade of cheery pleasing faces to others? How do you keep yourself emotionally distant from others? And when is it that you are truly you and no one else?

Try as I may, sometimes I just can't go on. Then I'll say hurtful things I don't mean and know very well that I shouldn't say them, but still, my mouth has a mind of its own and... I say them. Or my change in sentiments and emotions are reflected a tad too clearly on my face even when I know very well I shouldn't. I just lack the urge or ability to go on showing this cheery happy facade, do you understand? I really can't.

I really dunno. No one really seems to understand. I give them credit for at least trying, but I don't think they do understand. If they do, they wouldn't be so afraid that they might say the wrong thing and get me all worked up. They don't understand. I try to do good, but no, it is just not working. But then I can't expect a perfect world where everybody is a great noble utilitarian, can I? Silly naive me.

My blog - I love it a lot. It's the only place where I can express my thoughts. (although recently there has been some conflict regarding that too, but I'm not going there *extracts self from dangerous territory*)

I shouldn't be emo-ing my time away. Time is precious now. Let's hope the world will become a little more brighter tomorrow.

A Knock On The Head

Busy, hectic, crazy, tiring. Countless words that can be used to describe what my life feels right now. Dunno why, but I've been feeling kinda tired coupled with weird throbbing headaches recently.

I'd like to attest that it is due to silly clumsy me accidentally knocking my head really forcefully on the upper bunker of my double decker bed on monday that has been causing all this. *bump slowly appears* =( But who knows, it might psychosomatic after all. (meaning it's all in the mind) But it has caused me to feel irritable, aggitated, dull and fatigued. I'm wondering if the knock cud have been so forceful that there's internal bleeding/clot? Omg.

Just came back from CSU just now. And I cudn't concentrate well at all. I dunno if it's becoz of this or due to the lack of sleep [which cud also be caused by the former as well]. Even the doctor asked "why I looked so dull". I think I probably looked like a black cloud was hanging over my head or smtg. *sigh*

Anyway, probably shld be resting I guess. Too many things happenning at such a fast rate. [CSUs, PBLs, lectures, studying!] My eyes looked like it's drooping (partial ptosis - gasp, Horner's Syndrome!!) At any rate, I think I can safely say I do have Medical Students' Syndrome, lol.

Alright, gonna rest for a while first... toodles!

The PBL

Sorry for the "irregularly irregular" in updates recently. (for those not in the know, that phrase is used to describe pulses!) Well, a med student's life is never that free, ain't it? Been busy as a bee lately. Not to mention s.t.r.e.s.s.! *starts pulling hair tradition*

Wondering why? yesh, I know, our exam just finished last friday too. Well, the obvious wud be pointing fingers towards my first PBL 2 in GI... with none other than Htin Aung as a fasci!! *gasps*

To be truthful, it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. But then I have been told that I've a vivid imagination that I tend to use towards pessimism. Anyway, although it wasn't that bad, it wasn't that good either, but it could have been worse. (getting confused? Let's just say I rate it as moderate, but I definitely could do with some improvement.)

Anyway, I was really uber stressed the night before, been preparing for this for quite a few nights. So stressed out that my normally nice smooth face was suddenly invaded by a few acute-onset pimples! Ish. I know, silly me. Well, at least now I know a considerable lot abt esophageal diseases now! lol.

Alright, I confess, I did a solid good preparation for almost everything except anatomy. Was alsolutely stressed out that I was like "to hell with the anatomy of the pharnyx, tongue and mouth"! I figured that I'd know enough to cheat my way by.

Alas, it was not to be. Apparently a lot of that knowledge had somehow trickled out of my dumb brain. And as I'd NOT have it, I was quite unfortunately chosen to present the anatomy of the pharynx to the group (which coincidentally consist of two PBL group that were merged, totalling to more than 20 ppl!). And presenting something that I'm not very sure of to so many ppl was definitely not an appealing idea. No way.

And I didn't have the presence of mind to keep my composure. I'm pretty sure that I was visibly-as-humanly-possible-nervous. (well, public speaking ain't my strong point, so cut me some slack here!) I'd have been better if I'd known the subject. Anyway, thks a bunch to Dejun for lending me his notes, real life-saver! Arigato!! ^o^

Anyway, thks to my nervousness, I had to confuse btw oropharnyx and nasopharnyx. -_-" Everyone probably think I'm a fool by now. yeah. Okay, I'm just exaggerating but stillll...

I think Htin Aung let me off coz he saw how nervous I was. I know that's pathetic of me.. but what to do. I promise myself I'll work myself even harder, next time! Anyway, I think I managed to redeem myself a little bit by venturing answers here and then & managing to answer the one question he threw at me alone. Due to my suggestion that myaesthenia gravis can cause dysphagia in the first PBL. Thank god I was able to answer that one coherently enough. I probably managed to convince him that at least I wasn't an idiot. Or have the intelligence of a low-life amoeba. Riiight.

Besides, he sure was more strict with some of my other group members. Kelian. Hope next time will be better ya! Smilez! =)

After poking fun at myself for the heck of it (it's essential to maintain a sense of humour to keep oneself sane, you know), I declare that PBL for once was really informative. Learnt loads from him. Well, at least he's intimidating enough to force me to down tons of info in preparation for PBL. yeah. I foresee a crazy 6 weeks with him. I'd survived the first, that leaves another 5 weeks. [so do pardon me if there are less updates within this period okay]

Anyway, I'll try to do a better preparation for the next few helluva weeks, and yesh, not excluding anatomy. Everythang.

As he'd always say: "Would you let me treat your mother (or insert any close family member you can think of) if I only know 60% of what I know now?"

The correct response was of course a shake of heads.

But truth to be told, what he is saying is true. I'd not want to be a half-past-six doctor if I could help it. Although he have lots of droll interesting stories to tell us of when he were in our shoes, at least he inspired us, or me at the very least, to study and amass more knowledge. *fired up*

PS: Myasthenia Gravis is a disease that affects mainly striated skeletal muscle. So it causes dysphagia (difficulty in swallowing) coz it can affect the upper 1/3 of the esophagus plus upper esophageal sphincter which consists of that sort of muscle.

PPS: Two PBL groups were merged becoz his wife was busy with some uni event. I think they are a funnily cute couple. lol. Btw, his way of doing PBL is that we prepare ALL topics and then he will randomly pick one of us to present. And he gave us so many topics too! (yeah I'm sucha whiner :P)

PPPS: Htin Aung is a great teacher, I'd not give any less praise than that. Can you believe that he read Gray's Anatomy a mind-blowing total of 32 times?! o.O And he has a fren that has read the whole Robbin's an unimaginable total of 37 times! *OMFG*

PPPPS: Went out to destress on thursday night after a crazy three hours of PBL (note: double the normal length). Kee and I went to Sunway to have dinner at Kim Gary (luv it! besides got to use the discount voucher!) and catch Sunshine the movie. The movie was pretty good, I like it, altho it got a bit too gory for my liking at the ending. I might blog abt it sometime. These precious nights out are just too few in btw.

PPPPPS: Am back in penang while typing this post. For less than 48 hours though sadly. Going back tmr morning for more crazy studying! :T Could have had 1 extra day if only the time for PBL could be changed. *sigh* Well, at least I'd sufficiently recharged during this short trip. I slept more than humanly possible imo anyway. There's no place like HOME~! :D