:: Trust ::

Do you dare to trust someone completely? To put your utmost trust in him/her? To trust without fears or limits?

I admit that I dare not. :T

Coz I'm cynical. Yeah, sad case but true, unfortunately. I think I just wanna protect myself from potential heartache. Yeah, that must be it. Yeah...

People might tell you that they'll be there for you forever, but how much can one trust? We do not know what the future holds, how dare we say we can overcome all odds?

Trust is a precious commodity nowadays. Rare.

Sorry but I think it's just against my innate instinct to trust completely and wholly.

Don't think I can do it. I just can't... *inner struggle* I'm sorry, peeps...

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Was just wondering from whence did I turn into a self-dependent, cynical little brat. Hmm. :T *muses* See? I told you that I really suffer from Short-Term Memory Loss Syndrome.

I had to think for sooooo long before I got a possible answer.

It was a dreadful time that I did not care for reminizing. But I'm glad that I still have some emotions left when I suddenly tot of that depressing period of my life. Coz it means that I've not turned into someone devoid of emotions, that's all. *phew*

I was in Form 3 that time. *stares into space* I had a really good fren that time (let's call her X, shall we?) and I had known her since Form 1.

I believed in Best Frenz Forever [BFF] then, so I depended on her, totally. Yea, it was real dependence, wholly and completely. My fault.

Our friendship took a deep plunge that year. She started drifting away... and hooked up with a fren that we didn't really approve of. I got cross becoz of that, coz I felt that she didn't want to be frenz with me already... I felt that X had "betrayed" our friendship...

I was wrong of coz. And immature. *smacks self* [This realization came a bit too late..]

But anyhow, after the "cold war" raged... we kinda drifted apart naturally during Form 4. Coz we're in different classes that year. But I never regretted that year, I definitely had a GREAT time and met many different types of ppl that widened my horizon and perspective of the world. Frenz that were quite different from me, but tried to understand me and accepted me for what I am. *love ya guys!!* ^v^

Oh ya, I digressed again. Sorry, on with the story~

Well, we got back together during our Form 5 year. But I can safely say, our friendship was never the same again. Yeah.

I guess that incident had unsubconsciously given rise to the core belief (BS again? lol) that one shld never depend entirely on ONE person emotionally whatsoever.

And I never did that ever since.

I prefer to have a lot of good frenz. [No harm in that, right?]

Coz when one lets you down, at least there are others that will be there for you, right? Right?? I really dunno..

I guess that was the one incident that changed me significantly... shaped my current cynical personality. [Now only I realized how deep the impact was on me, told ya that it happened subconsciously..]

I mean I can trust ppl of coz (duh) but how many ppl can safely say they trust their frenz COMPLETELY? *show of hands pls*

Just wondering why this incident didn't really stick in my memory, that's all. Well, forget the past and move on with life, that's my motto, I guess. >> Live In The Now! <<

Inner Questions:

Why can't I change?

Why can't I trust someone completely?

Arggh!! :(