Precious Life

My condolences to the people who are suffering as a result of the Manila hostage incident that happened yesterday.

Be it the families of the victims or the other innocent philiphine people working in other countries. All this happens because of an inept corrupt government with a lousy police force.

My home country, take heed. This might be where things are heading if the top guns don't buck up.

I am studying to be a doctor because I want to save lives, I want people to have better quality of lives. I want them to stay healthy and happy. But here is an instance where precious lives are just wasted for nothing.

I would like to serve the people in my home country but the situation there is just too hopeless and I don't see any chance it will be changing a lot soon. Sometimes, we have to be a little bit selfish too - because they are not looking out for our welfare at all. Because to them, we are just 'pendatang'. So tell me why should I stay and be discriminated against?

I was listening to this song in Glee, I wish the lyrics were true. Can I be an idealist?

Imagine

Imagine There's No Countries

It Isn't Hard To Do

Nothing To Kill Or Die For

And No Religion Too

Imagine All The People

Living Life In Peace (Youuuu)

You May Say I'm A Dreamer

But I'm Not The Only One

I Hope Someday You Will Join Us

And The World We'll Be As One

Imagine No Possessions

I Wonder If You Can

No Need For Greed Or Hunger

A Brotherhood Of Man

Imagine All The People

Sharing All The World (Youuuu)

You May Say I'm A Dreamer

But I'm Not The Only One

I Hope Someday You Will Join Us

And The World Will Live As One

What That Is

It gives me a funny strangled feeling in my chest looking at photos of old friends doing new things with new people. And you realised that you could have been in those photos as well.

If you were there.

But life goes on. Despite of what could have been, it's now what that is.

#1 Wishlist ♥

Having more free time alone in the past 1.5 years have made me more aware of fashion styles via fashion blogs.

Here are some of things I have been lusting after. Either difficult to find and/or too expensive. sigh, next year hopefully can find some part time work :p

This is called a boyfriend blazer. Very versatile piece of clothing, worth to buy actually.

But difficult to find one that really fits and is not too expensive. I guess well-cut clothes are expensive.

And I need a new handbag for work too. My current one is going to fall to pieces soon. And I just got it this year too! Lousy quality.

Currently love those vintage/leather looking bags.

This is the Balenciaga work bag actually.

I'm not really a person into branded stuff, as long as it looks good, that's fine by me.

Vintage looking saddle bag!

But maybe a bit too small to stuff all my work stuff in. But for going out would be great!

Should probably look into some of the malaysian blogs, they normally have pretty reasonably priced stuff.

Suspender tights! Cool right?

This is by House of Holland (which is said to be too flimsy), and imitates the original one by Topshop below.

Heart shaped ones!! How to not <3 them right?

Omg. Wish that I'll be working soon...so I won't feel guilty buying things I want! ^v^ And have the financial power to do so too! :p

One more year plus, hopefully! I can do it!!

Options #1: CF

It's Wednesday already. Boy, the days do seem to fly nowadays.

Currently am on my 1st Options: Cystic Fibrosis, which is 2 weeks long, but it's really more like paediatric respiratory team.

It's not a bad option (I do miss the kids!) but it's really sad to see all these kids with chronic disabling diseases plaguing them since young. A lot of them have neurological deficits like cerebral palsy. Many are quadriplegic and spent most of their time on the bed, in the wheelchair or in hospital. :((( I really salute the parents (esp mums!) who take care of them night and day. If that's not dedication, I dunno what is.

I am making myself useful by writing in notes etc, and most of the team are nice. It's been a pretty busy week too, with lots of patients coming in at the end of winter with resp infections. Having lunch so late everyday. ah my poor tummy.

What I want to do now is use this so-called 'free time' to catch up with my studies though. But the days' work have been tiring me out. Late afternoon naps are awesome and refreshing indeed.

Okay. O&G and paediatric stuff to catch up on. Yeah, I'm so 'awesome' that I have yet to catch up with stuff in the early half of the year. bleargh.

To Not Care

Funny how sometimes eluding to something instead of directly pointing it out makes for better advice.

I should count my blessings instead. Glass half full instead of half empty, remember?

Besides, all of this might be the product of an overactive imagination anyway. Even if not so, some things in life can't be forced. That way, only one can tell what is true sincerity.

In life, there will always be people who love you for what you are and people who dislike you. So what? Those who matter will listen and accept and those who don't, don't really matter.

The theory is so simple yet so complex when it comes down to really following it.

But really, what I need to learn is to not care about the people who don't matter.

And yes - deja vu indeed - I think I've blogged about this before, so it just shows how much I suck at following my own advice. yeah?

Need

Zzzyun, sometimes you are still too honest.

When will you ever learn to hide your own emotions/feelings from others? Come to think of it, do we even need to in the first place?

I dislike people who make assumptions about you based on their own. I'm not you and you are not me, so don't assume.

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Sometimes, I wonder am I being too greedy. Isn't it enough that I have a loving boyfriend who supports and listens to all my troubles?

Why do I have this (almost pathological) need to have a friend who will still be best friends with me even though we are not physically near to each other anymore? Is that so wrong for me to wish for that? All I can say it wasn't from lack of trying.

And you, who said you always miss and remember me. You were the one who put me in this situation today. So stop all the sweet lies coz I don't want to hear anymore.

I'm being all emotional. Must be the hormones. Must be the hormones. Repeat to self x100. Blame it all on the hormones, yeah okay?

In Between

Finished my opthalmology exam today! It's good expecting the worst (ie. can't answer every Q!) so I felt quite okay even though couldn't answer a few questions/got them wrong. Oh well, can't really be fussed about it coz I don't really fancy opthalmology in the first place.

I wonder if this is what happens when you have been through countless exams? But I still have tachycardia (increased heart rate for the non-meddies) prior to the exam haha.

Tomorrow I will be having my general practice exam which consist of a 15 minute consultation that is videotaped. Hmm... hope I dont get too nervous and will be able to perform at my best.

Practice really does help. Okay, time to study for my exam!! Wish me luck~ :)

PS: I have recovered from my relatively mild viral illness! :D The flu vaccine must have helped!

Bad Timing

Recently, I will start my posts by apologizing about the lack of updates. However, this time I have an excuse.

I'm sick!! :(( Should be a viral illness.

And exams are coming soon in the next few days. GP+Opthalmology. Bad timing. But gotta say, the paracetamol is good stuff. Makes me feel so much better.

Being sick makes me wish there was someone here to take care of me. Suddenly made me remembered the time when dear took good care of me when I had severe food poisoning. (yesh from hospital food!! yucks) I don't think I look very pretty then haha... Recurrent vomiting tend to make you look gross lol. Oh and he was still just a friend then. so caring right? ;)

Okay, I'm signing off for some studying and recuperation. Will update more when I'm feeling better!

Along The Way

Oh noes, it's the beginning of another week. I'm too lazy busy to blog so regularly.

Well, today I had another go with the patient consultation coz there were so many ppl who didnt attend today. This week's theme was Difficult Patients.

I had to do motivational interviewing with a diabetic lady and encourage weight loss. So not easy at all. :( I did the best I could, but all the way through the consultation, I could feel her resistance and I was racking my brains to find the words to break through the resistance and motivate her.

And we had already a day of teaching and practice last thursday for motivational interviewing specifically. But once I am the one who has to do the consult in front of everyone, I panic... and my mind becomes slow and fuzzy.

Anyhow, I think I still did okay (as in I didn't look particularly stupid in front of my colleagues), even though I did not really manage to get her to the contemplative phase. But I did my best. The doctor observing thought it was alright too. phiew.

Well, gonna continue improving. I shall get there someday. Believing in myself really did help.

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We had a free yoga class today! :D So nice of the uni ppl to organize one for us. It was a relaxation and restorative sort of yoga. Just great for us who are stressed out!

I might try it out sometime when there's a night I can't fall asleep easily or if I'm super stressed with studies (which I dare say I will). I found the meditation part quite useful - it relaxes my mind, freeing it temporarily from all its worries.

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Can't believe it's august already. And the 2nd last week of my GP/Opthal term. That means exams are next week!! Omgosh, I better get down to studying now!!