One of my pet peeves? Distant acquaintances who only talk to you when they need you for a favour. I mean, how obvious can you get?

Not Anymore

A few weeks ago, someone asked me how I felt about my job - I told them there are good times, there are bad times - but on the overall, I love my job.

Today was one of those bad times. Healthcare workers here get verbally abused a lot, and the worse thing is, we shouldn't stand for it. But the really worst part? We do.

From talking with my colleagues, there seems to be a lack of respect for doctors nowadays. Actually, scratch that, I don't even feel like I need to be respected for my job, but can you please treat me like how you would treat a normal fellow human being? All these sort of verbal abuse wouldn't be tolerated anywhere else, I'm sad that it's rampant in healthcare settings. Not only from patients but also from fellow healthcare staff too...

The change in me from being a newly minted doctor to more than halfway through my internship is what I would definitely call life changing. There seems to be a general consensus from my peers is that internship hardens you - it makes you more experienced of course, but it also makes you tougher. It's sad but you do become more cynical compared to that shiny bright eyed you that just graduated and is eager to please. You start not taking any more shit from people, coz why should you?

I think I'd finally reached a point where I don't care anymore - if you start verbally abusing me, I'm not gonna take your shit anymore - I will tell you (still politely) that that is unacceptable behaviour and walk away if necessary. This is just my job, I'm not your slave. I'm going to stand up for myself. I tell you, this job can make the nicest person become the most stony hearted b*tch. True story, many people have told me so. And you know what else? Swearing a lot more.

I need to remind myself why I chose medicine - for the patients who care about us and are grateful for the care they receive. I wish we have more patients like that. Patients who cared as much about us as we care for them.

I Love My Job

Four whole months of spontaneous hiatus. Did you miss me?

I won't make excuses; I have just been either busy working or busy living life. Time sure flies, especially when you are working, can't believe I'm now almost halfway into my internship year. It's been great so far - sure, there are ups and downs in every job, but the ups far outweighs the downs I believe. I love my job, I love my patients (well there are some I could do without, to be honest!).

The Ups: I see and learn lots of different things everyday. I am exhilarated when I think I have solved the mystery of a pt's illness! I meet lots of different and interesting people everyday (patients and colleagues). It's fun when I see how far I have come in just 6 months, I am able to better summarize and refer patients in most situations, getting to the point is important. I am able to make (small) decisions by myself, occasionally creeping towards the bigger ones (but don't worry I will check with the boss after!). It's a great feeling, getting this confidence, to be more comfortable in these doctor shoes that I am wearing.

The Downs: Ahh.. these are the aspects you will never realise till you start working. There can be a lot of stressful, frustrating, nail-biting situations where everyone demands a piece of you - at this very moment. Sometimes, it seems as no one cares whether you are capable of ninjitsu and cloning yourself into five people to finish their jobs at the same time. Sometimes people don't seem to understand, we need to prioritize, it's not we don't want to see your pt now, it's just that there are sicker pts to sort out first, especially if we are already aware that yes, there is a list of non-urgent jobs left for me to do and yes, I did say I will get to them later, so can you please stop calling me about them since you only just called me 15 mins ago?

Enough of ranting, despite all that, yes I still love my job. The money doesn't hurt either. :P

Just Human

One month into being a doctor, all I can say is - it's not easy.

I suppose the fact that I'm only writing about this now shows how busy I am. One month had just passed in a flash and now the reality that I'm a doctor had sunk in. There are a lot of things that makes being a doctor far different from being a medical student. 

You are expected to answer your pager (which you feel like smashing into a million pieces after the cool first time it rings), you are expected to know every detail of your patient's life (from the fact whether they opened their bowels yesterday or do they have 2 dogs and one of them is a poodle), you are expected to know the dosage/brand name of every drug on earth, you are expected to write notes while balancing the obs/med/fluid balance chart while keeping the patient propped up while the consultant has a quick listen to their chest, you are expected to keep an eye on your patients' bloods and have them ready at hand if the consultant wants to know every minuscule detail, you can't avoid that mean patient that verbally abuses you, you are expected to handle all the nurses' questions, you are expected to do all the ward work plus discharge summaries and the best part is: you are expected to perform all of this efficiently on an empty stomach, a full bladder and a mind that is going crazy inside.

That probably sums up my life in a neat little paragraph now. I love my job, I really do, I'm not complaining.

But sometimes things get hard - I love my patients, I do my best, but sometimes it's hard when you get patients who scold you even though you mean your best. I try not to take it personally, but sometimes it's hard.

So sometimes when you wonder why the doctor hasn't come to see you yet, or had forgotten a little thing - please be patient with them - we do our best but we are still just human.