Blurred Lines of Psych

Heh I know I should probably be mugging up some psych diagnostic criteria now or something but hey, it's friday. I deserve a break, don't I? Maybe not.

I think my psych knowledge is not up to par... Haven't been mugging as I should, there were some things that I'm still not very sure about. And I still miss out things when taking history from the patient. My problem is that I often wait for the pt to finish talking abt whatever they were rambling on about and when I wanted to go back and ask abt some interesting point they mentioned just now, my short term memory wouldn't allow me to remember what it was. =/

Well my observed interview is up next week and the main exam, case presentation the week after. So I still got a few more days to polish up on the knowledge. Yes, I will work on it!! Just don't feel so motivated to read about psych somehow... The lines are so blurred btw each diagnosis and can easily cross over to the other.

And sometimes the pt just don't fall into any of the boxes.. Where to put leh? Think out of the box meh? lol.

Feel like taking a nap now but then my clothes smell of bacon coz somebody just cooked bacon in the house and I don't really want to get those grubby smells onto my nice clean bed... which is beckoning to me haha.

hehe yeah I think I have some cluster C traits. but everybody have personality traits anyway and I reckoned of all the clusters, C would probably be the nearest to normal eh? lol.

Okay, that's all for now. Shall read a bit before cooking something up for dinner. (sry bed, duwan to get u dirty k!) That reminds me, I still have a lot of photos in my phone/camera!! Aiyo not very diligent in uploading them eh, paiseh!

I shall write more soon. I reckon there's something brewing in the grey matter up there.

A Decision

A decision of sorts has finally been decided upon. I just hope it's the right one.

I hope it won't cause suffering to other ppl also... Hoping it will all end well.

yeah.

The Big Picture

Am coping better with change. But still no solution in sight for the current problem. aihs.

It really is hard being a student here with no earning power. boo.

I realised running and cooking takes my mind off things. Stepping into nature makes me feel that all my worries are miniscule and that the whole wide world is so beautiful that I should look at the big picture.

It's all about perspective. Indeed, it is.

Self-Reminder

Despite all the crazy stuff that is going on in my life, I must remind myself - that I'm a lucky girl. To have so many friends and family who care about me. Although there are thousands of miles between us.

I must be more easily contented, instead of always chasing the ghosts of the past.

My friends all believe in me... so I must try to believe in myself too. That I'm stronger than this.

Thank you for being there for me, when I needed you all. :)

Not Quite

The scenery outside was going forwards.

The trees slided forward gracefully, of all different shapes and sizes. The sky was a pretty blue for once. The sun was out shining. And sprinkled in between were quaint houses lined with weird sounding streets.

The kids in front were jumping up and down from the seats, occasionally being reprimanded by their mums for being too noisy.

I was listening to serene melodies on my phone. That stir up emotions inside.

I was moving backwards. Seated on the seat with my back facing the direction of the train was heading. I felt like I was moving back in time.

I closed my eyes to rest. It was warm inside the train.

It should be a perfect scene in life. Almost like a picture-perfect moment.

But not quite. There is something missing. What is this feeling inside me that I can't explain?

Fickle Time

Feeling like I'm in my own little bubble, separated from the outside world.

This must be what it feels like to have what they call "social isolation".

Might be having "anhedonia" too... Or izzit that I just lack the things that normally bring me pleasure?

Oh no.. what is psych doing to me! @.@

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Haha sorry just being a bit crazy there. After doing a surgery rotation, psych just ranks okay on the like scale.

It's not tat I dislike it, but I don't exactly love it, that's for sure.

It's always interesting to see when the patient do bizzare or funny things, but other than that, it's just okay.

And I can't believe that I used to consider psychiatrist as a possible career option. Hmm...

I find it difficult to take history from psych patients. Either you can't interrupt them coz they are having pressured speech, or they just are tangential (jumping from a topic to next) or they just don't want to talk to you. Not really easy to understand them also. And yes, a lot of them are at the least very circumstantial (ie long winded).

Oh well, tmr will be week 5 so another 4 more weeks to go. Must learn to talk more fluently in front of others!! Have an observed interview and a case presentation exam coming up soon! haha and I don't feel like studying much for it at all. bleh.

Then there will be campus week, which will be quite free for me as I went to the lecs already last time. So can have a break I guess. Then up last will be my last and toughest rotation for this year, General Medicine!!

Then study break then major exams of the year! Then holidays and home!! ^^

It will be another 7 weeks before Dear comes over to visit and do his elective. Seriously can't wait!!!

Can time pass a bit faster? It feels like ages when I'm doing psych. A stark contrast to surgery, when 8 weeks just felt like it flew by.

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Btw did I tell you I hate change? I see a pattern forming in me. It's not really healthy. I really need to cope better.

Time to grow up. Although I don't really want to.

Unpredictable

A lot of things have been happening.. I'm feeling stressed out and worried.

So many things to consider. Life is so unpredictable, isn't it? One moment, it can all be fine and dandy and the next moment, bam, and everything comes crashing down.

It's not easy. I really wish I can fastfoward till the time I graduate and start working. Not that I desperately want to work, but that at least I will have the means to make my own decisions.

Things could go wrong. Very wrong.

And I haven't been able to study much the past few days too. I should probably start bucking up on my psych stuff soon. Exams in a few weeks' time!

Yalah, I'm a worrier lar. so what? Bite me.

When Hitler Finds Out MJ Is Dead

This is what happens... lol.

Paying The Price

I realise that I have gotta live with my mistakes.

But... isn't it such a heavy price to pay for something that I've decided on a whim?

Well, let this be a lesson to myself. To think through things, especially important decisions throughly in the future - weighing all the pros and cons.

Yeah.

Now? I just gotta work with what I have now. I know I can do it. I can survive.

And wait patiently for the day that I can make a new decision. To live life the way I want it to be.

What If...

I would hereby like to congratulate all my friends who did well in their BMedSci program!

Especially my two ji muis, Funnie & Yannie who got 1st class honours! I'm so proud of you all! Your hard work paid off!! :D

I will be waiting for you guys to come and experience aussie life next year!! So we can talk abt it and laugh abt it together haha..

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I'm really thrilled for them... but somehow all this got me thinking again: "What if...?"

What if I hadn't be so stubborn and had instead chosen to go into the BMedSci with them?

Would life have been different? A loud resounding definte YES!

Why? Sometimes, I really wonder why have I been so rash to decide against that. Now thinking rationally, there would have been so many pros to go with that decision.

I would have been able to be with my 2 ji muis for at least 3 yrs! Would have been so fun to experience life in clinicals and aussie together! To share laughter and tears together. I really miss that.

I would have been able to help my parents save more money by reducing this year's tuition fees. (Btw exchange rate go up d T_T)

I would have been able to at least see my bf more often this year too. Reducing the ldr to a not so painful experience...

And... I would have an extra degree to boot! Which definitely would be very helpful in our future career I'm sure.

And what did I throw all this away for?

Just because I think I didn't like research... And we hvta do it anyway this year, it's compulsory for 4th years here. (of coz it's not as intensive as theirs, but yeah..)

And that I get an extra year of clinicals, so as to improve my clinical acumen. Well that's true, but I think I'd have been more motivated and study harder if I was with my ji muis.

Why? I keep asking myself now why was I so rash to make such a decision?

I really have no answer myself now.

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I know, I know. I have no choice now. I'm already here. It's already been 6 months plus. I can't change anything now. All I can do is put the "what if's" behind me and look forward to the future...

Whether if there is anything to look forward to though, remains a doubt.

PS: Sorry ya guys, a congratulatory post become an angst-filled post pulak. But I'm still very proud and happy for you guys k! Love u all! xoxo