The Juxtapose Of Absence

I would like to write everything here. In clear chilling clarity. But I must not. I can't.

All these emotions. All these feelings that are gurgling out. Who can I tell them to? I would like to tell it to somebody who I can trust. Somebody who will be sympathetic. Somebody who will understand.

Once again, I'm reminded of all those fervent feelings I had, maybe not so long ago. But they felt distant till that very moment. But one thing I learnt was - old habits die hard.

I blamed myself for letting my guard down. For softening my heart. Absence might make the heart grow fonder, but presence brings back all that it will never be.

It alarms me indeed that once again, I have to turn to my old trusty diary to dispel of all those emotions. That was what writing does to me. It soothes and relieves. And when I reread my new entry, the handwriting had become more ugly, certainly; the wording perhaps more mature but the content essentially the same.

Had things not changed at all? In all the span of these years?

I thought I was going forward. One has got to keep on moving. It strikes a fear in me that I am still at a standstill.

But no fear. 忍 is a strong word. A hard word. But I have come so far - I cannot fail.

One day, I will be able to make decisions for myself.

Happie Burfday

Happy 23rd Birthday, Sue Wen!! :)

Here are the video(s) that is her birthday present this year, as she is far away from us. In a land called Perth.

the funny. hilarious~

the touching. T_T

I hope you enjoyed your birthday this year. Wish you all the best to come! Take care, dear friend!

Blog Makeover

TADA! Greetings from a brand new place!! This was the cool thing that I said I was going to unveil at my blog soon. Had a bit of a delay due to internet connection problems.

So how do you guys like the new header and other stuff I added to the blog?

And this time, I'm proud to say - I did all of this from scratch!! I have been learning how to use the Adobe Illustrator program (a computer graphics vector drawing program) and this is my first masterpiece.

Many thanks to Khee Chun for teaching me the basics and your constructive cricitism as well. You are indeed a sifu difficult to please. haha. Thanks to Kee also for giving comments and encouragement. :)

I really spent many many hours labouring over this. days. Twinkering this and that. But I'm happy with the result. ^v^

As you guys probably noticed, I have changed from a gothic theme to something more cheery and bright. Decided I needed to see something that will brighten up my day the next few years when I load my blogpage. As I'm sure the next few years of medicine will be of a daunting and difficult nature ahead for me. Something to remind me that to keep on hoping and to make medicine your friend, not your enemy. (these last few words sound familiar eh! quoted from a famous lec in imu :P)

Okay, that's all for now. I need constructive critcism please! Will still make modifications if needed :)

Would You?

Something interesting to consider.

Would you help that man on the street?

Trip It up

Haven't had much things to blog on. Except my musings, maybe? But I'm working on a not-so-secret project. So get ready when I unveil it here... soon!!

On another topic, I might hvta abandon the Bangkok trip coz it seems a bit hard to organize with it being so last minute and all. But I'll go there someday! I promise myself. Maybe when I'm earning my own moolah. Then can spend without any (excessive) guilt! haha.

So am now currently aiming a bit lower. Shall go local again. Now it all depends on the availability of my friends. They seemed quite busy ppl indeed haha. The trip currently is to Malacca plus/minus Johor. It's time for me to satisfy tastebuds for Malaccan food! I've heard of the chicken riceballs, satay celup, cendol~ Yum!

Okay, I really am rambling here. Shall update more when I have something more concrete. For now, I bade thee farewell!

Two Thirds

I have glorious news! And that is.... I PASSED 4TH YEAR!! omgwtfbbq!

To tell you the truth, that wasn't my reaction when I groggily got up yesterday morning, turned the computer on and logged into the website to check my results.

Not because that the results were bad or anything (I think they were average? I dunno anymore) but because I being Asian, am more used to straightforward things. And would have very much preferred to receive an email or message stating the obvious. Which is that I've safely passed, thank you.

And not just lists of units and their respective marks. Marks are of coz welcomed (Asian thing remember?) but without that declatorary message? It gives me doubts. But okay, I won't complain. :P

Just so glad that I passed. So I get to embrace my holidays fully!! Yay~ Definitely need to recharge for an even more stressful 5th year.

I must point out something I just realised though. This is what sending your kid to a western country does to them. Suddenly instead of everything being chinese, malay or indian, now it's between angmohs and asians. Behaviours are either Asian or not. hah. I wished it was that easy.

Oh and a (lame?) joke I made sometime back. Why is Australia a Western country? It is so obviously in the East. :P Okay okay fine don't shoot me. Thought it was worth wondering about.

I am getting sidetracked, aren't I?

I think what I wanted to say before I digressed was that I'm just glad that my hard work this year paid off (haha okay some of it was last minute). But! I did spend an appropriate amount of time in hospital. This time around, I really struggled to do my best.

Okla, shall stop rambling now. To those who are still having exams or waiting for results, ALL THE BEST! Good luck and I can't wait to see you guys soon. :)

PS: If you were wondering about the title of this post, it is refering to the amount of years I have already done and how much left till I get that sparkling MBBS. And do I feel competent enough? Hardly. Part of the job description of being a medical student. oh well.

Dear Diary

A walk down memory lane..

It amazes me how much I have grown over the past few years. The book above is a testament to that fact.

My sister passed me this book this afternoon and when I saw it, I remembered. This was the book I wrote my deepest secret thoughts in when I was still an immature young high school girl.

My diary.

I was intrigued and started reading.

It was like a walk into the past, a past I had long buried deep in the recesses of my head. 8 years ago. A form 2 high school girl, naive - thinking the world was her oyster as long as she worked hard.

It might still be my oyster now, but I realised that to survive in this dog-eat-dog world out there, it's not easy at all. And one needs more than pure hard work.

Dear diary...

In those lines of neatly written words - laid secrets of archenemies, foolish ideas, unalduterated gossip, childlish thoughts and hope. The naivety was refreshing yet frightening. How could I have thought of such things last time?

I was rash, impatient, impulsive and full of myself, even. How strange that a few years could change how I thought of myself. Maybe this is called growing up?

Reading the book brought back many memories and feelings. Friendships that were formed. Then sadly broken. I wonder how are they now?

It was definitely interesting reading a part of me left in the past. Probably I will feel the same way 8 years from now, reading back my old blog entries. Always an immature girl in the eyes of the future me. haha.

Anyhow, hope I will continue to grow. To be a better person in a better future. :)

Back Home

Oops, I'm back again. Have been pretty busy the previous few days. But I'm currently back home in Penang ade! yay~

I know I should be blogging more frequently now it's the holidays but heck, I don't have much to share except that Home = Bliss! :)

Results will be out on friday morning and I hope the unstable internet don't die on me then. Or I will absolutely die of palpitations! Of coz, I wanna pass also!!!

But that's not the main thing on my mind now. Guess what? Shopping! Haha sorry sometimes gotta do a bit of the girly stuff, right? I just read this blog post about shopping in Bangkok and the stuff is so freaking cheap that I'm just dying to go there now!! I need more new clothes. I realised I have so few clothes compared to some people :P

I need more of those cocktail dresses. That girls wear to semi-formal functions. I only bought my very 1st one last week with my ji-muis. Definitely need them to come and give me pro opinion haha.

Okla, I'm just rambling here.. Dreaming abt my potential holiday in Bangkok? Dunno if my parents will give the A-OK or not woh.

Shall keep on dreaming on for now... hehe. Need promotions for airfares please!

Where I Belong

Greetings from the land of humidity! Yes you are right! I've landed back home in Malaysia! Guess where am I blogging from now?

Mackers (that's what they called McD in aussie :P) in LCCT. Apparently they have 2 hours of free internet. But it's omg so freaking slow. I really have gotten used to the super fast internet in aussie. oh noes!

I'm so sleepy now lar. Waiting for the bf to finish classes so that he can come and pick me up. But dunno when leh. And I can't really snooze here also (coz this is malaysia) and I'm afraid I'll wake up to find all my belongings gone. Oops, that really says a lot on the local mentality aye?

I'll write more about exams later. Now, I'm just glad everything is OVER!

*ominous tone: for now!*

It has been sucha nervewracking month for all of us. We really felt the heat, man! And somehow the aussies are still so laidback, really geng! I really need to recharge myself these holidays and get ready for another even more stressful year ahead.

Okay, my thoughts are a bit flustered now coz I'm too sleepy. Didn't get much shut-eye in the plane despite being so tired... It was just too cramped. I wonder why I didn't think that last time I went to perth. Might have been more rested/excited then I guess.

Should stop rambling here... oh wait!! Something weird (?) happened just now. This angmoh lady came up to me in McD and wanted to use my comp to send an email or msn message to a friend. Before I went to perth I would have freaked out (you can't be overly paranoid in this country okay!! sorry lah! better to be safe than sorry k!) but somehow I knew she was in trouble and needed help.

And apparently she missed her flight due to delays during transit. That really sucks, doesn't it? And she won't get any refund either. So she needed to borrow computer to tell her friend that she won't be arriving anytime soon in paris. oh well, really bad luck!

Anyway, just glad that I managed to help someone really in need of help. :D My good deed for the day!

Okay lar, should really stop crapping now. Eyes closing... Must not close eyes. must not.

See ya guys soon! Holidays have already BEGUN!! Yay! ^v^