Many Roads Diverged In A Yellow Wood

Sometimes, I wish I have the power to see into the future.

But I reckon all I'm going to see are alternate paths leading to different destinations. And I am the one who has to choose which I will walk on.

The Here And Now

I can't believe I'm blogging so sporadically these days. It's not there isn't much going on, there is! But that actually is the thing that hinders me from taking the time to type. haha.

Anyway, the seniors have gone back yesterday. And now everything is back to normal again. le sigh. Am going to miss them lots. *sniffles*

And here I am, on a sunday afternoon, procastinating on completing my o&g stuff by blogging. Tomorrow will be a new rotation again and it's Paediatrics! I wonder if I will like it.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with the amount of work left undone. I think I really have tried my best the last 10 weeks or so but there is just so much to learn in o&g! And I'm trying to write up notes so that it won't be so difficult when it comes to revision. But how I dislike writing so...!

I need a break. Okay technically last week was relatively more slack but still, breaks can never be enough, alright.

Oh and did I mention the horror work stories the new interns regalled us with last week? I always thought I can't wait to start working... but after hearing those, I'm starting to think again. I dunno if I can be that competent in less than 2 years' time. :(

But heck, I don't even know if I will get a job then. So better to focus on the here and now. Yes, that means - STUDY, ZZZYUN!!

Lucky

I'm aware that I haven't posted for a few days! But be assured, I'm alive and well after my scary presentation on monday! lol.

Yeah, I have been quite busy because some of the seniors (who are interns now!) are back from adelaide/sydney for 1 week for their graduation. So we had some fun events so far. We went out for dinner at our fav italian place on saturday night. Yummy food they served at ciao italia! And then we had the bbq lunch on sunday for all of the imu peeps. From the most senior to the most junior. It was definitely a very satisfying lunch, thanks for it, Ken Rhee. :)

Then we came back home and Debs and I started practicing for our case presentation the whole sunday. Luckily, it went relatively well. Practice really does make perfect. Well, maybe not perfect in that sense, but as long as I don't stand in front of everybody and look like a stupid goldfish opening and closing its mouth in shock, that's fine with me. lol.

I was quite nervous when I started, but as I rambled along, it was better. Although I must admit, I couldn't wait to finish it and therefore spoke abit fast. Haha the dr commented that as well :P I think Debs did a pretty good job on her part too! And... soooo we got a pretty good mark!! hehe. We were pretty happy once it was done. major phiew. I think with more practice, hopefully one day I won't be so anxious about public speaking!

Anyway, some of you might have heard, there was a MAJOR freak storm that happened on monday afternoon. There was torrential rain, lots of lightning, strong winds and golf-ball sized hailstones. Omg. You should google and see the pictures. Here's a link so that you can see how bad the damage is.

There was massive flooding, some places had collapsed roofs, holes in the ceiling, some houses were out of power, and cars has massive dents all over plus cracked windscreens and the holes in it caused the rain to soak through the car. oh my.. I didn't know a storm can be so dangerous. And the worst part is that it came out of the blue. It only rained like minimally this summer. Less than 5 times and mostly drizzles. So I guess the clouds couldn't hold it in any longer. blek.

Debs and I are lucky that our house suffered no damage and only my shoes were the worse for wear after I had to wade into 3 inches deep puddles to get to my house. Sigh, they were expensive shoes, I hope they will recover. :/

Anyhow, I was lucky that I was in Fremantle Hospital when it happened so I was quite safe. Most of the damage was higher north. However, one of the pipes must have overflowed and burst through one of the ceilings in the clinic opposite. Can you imagine the sight of water overflowing from above in a clinic??

And if you read more of the news, apparently the ceiling in the ED in Joondalup Hospital collapsed and patients have to be evacuated. And alot of hospitals were flooded as well. Hmm... In conclusion, it was a pretty nasty storm. :O

So guess what we had that night for dinner? KFC lol. No point being in the jam.

For completeness' sake, we also had supper with the seniors at Gelare last night. Waffles with icecream are the best. hehe. And we are getting a bit spoilt coz the seniors are so nice to be belanjaning us with all these food. :D

Okay, that's all the updates for now. I probably shld be doing some catch up with studies instead of just enjoying so much!!

The Big And Small Things

It's interesting when I realised that I'm currently in a phase where I'm just going along with things.

I think for every person, there is a need for a sense of control, but the degree needed is different for everyone. I think my threshold used to be really high. I still plan a lot of things ahead of time but these are the small things. Things like what am I going to cook tonight? Do I have stuff to make a sandwhich for lunch tomorrow? Am I buying enough vege and meat for next week? As you can see, most are food-related. :P

But I think I have stopped planning for the big things. Coz I can't anymore. There are too many variables that I'm unable to control. These would be what we call 'confounding factors' in EBM. lol.

I would love to know - which part of the world will I be in 2012? Will I be able to get the job I want? Will I still be with you? Could we have a future together?

Now, I'm taking the big things with baby steps. I might still dream of the future, but dreaming is different from planning.

I also realised I'm in a phase where things are going okay, but still I want to run madly forward, to another new phase of my life, to answer those questions. To know their answers, so that I can prevent things from not going the way I hope them to be.

In a way, I still wish to have control. Just that I'm unable to do anything now but have faith.

Restart

We have been slaving away at our EBM presentation for the past few nights. And guess what? After consulting with one of the nice drs, apparently we have been barking up the wrong tree. Shit! The research we did was not relevant to the type of surgery our patient had. Therefore, we wouldn't be able to conclude anything meaningful. :(

So yesterday, we pulled our long faces up - and started again on that painstaking task of finding relevant journals - with a new PICO question. (For those wondering what's PICO, it stands for Patient, Intervention, Comparison, Outcome. It's a way of making a good clinical question for medical research in the literature.)

And today, we started on the arduous task yet again, of deciding which journals and to read them and try understand them. Oh those journals! All the twisting tales they tell, and the swirly numbers of statistics stand between us.

We gotta really push and work hard the next 2 days if we want to enjoy a bit more during the weekend. The seniors (interns now!) who went to adelaide/sydney early this year to work are coming back to visit next week. So yeah, that is something I'm definitely looking forward to!

Wish us luck! We are gotta need it!

PS: EBM is not Expressed Breast Milk as it is in o&g lol. It generally stands for Evidence-Based Medicine.

Of Babies & Case Presentations

I haven't been updating again for a few days, I keep wanting to, but something more important keeps coming up. Or maybe I just feel too lazy tired. But am going to be freaking busy for the next last 2 weeks of O&G.

We have this super important EBM case presentation in a week's time. Which we hvta present the best evidence on the topic of 'Ectopic Pregnancy' to a lot of ppl. OMGGGGG!!

Firstly, the presentation is something really hard to do, especially finding and interpreting the best evidence. Journals, statistics :( Statistics and criticizing articles ain't my strong point, I'll have ya know. And secondly, public speaking is freaking scary. I'm so afraid I'll turn into a puddle standing in front of all the staring audience. Must practice first!!!

But must try our best. We kinda did the first cochrane meta analysis yesterday and it wasn't too bad. phiew. Jiayou to us!!!

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I must mention here, after much effort and time spent, last weekend, I finally got to do half of a delivery under supervision. Why half, you ask? Well, the baby had to have a vaccumed assisted delivery, but the doctor was very nice, he let me do the shoulders onwards.

It was amazing. really. Being able to hold and touch the baby as it comes out and takes its first few breaths of life. I had to wait about 14 or 15 hours just for that birth. But I'm glad I did. ^v^ I wish I was luckier in getting more deliveries. But hey, it's alright. That's life, isn't it? I'm just happy my effort kinda paid off.

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On another note, I just wanna say, medical students realise and appreciate it when doctors take the extra mile to teach or help us with stuff. We remember you even after time has passed. I wanna be a doctor like that next time. :)

A Double Life

Sometimes, I feel like I'm living a double life. Or maybe in alternate universes, if you believe in that sort of theory.

One life that exists back home, where everything is familiar and comfortable. And I'm surrounded by friends and loved ones. The familiar faces in the crowds. The blend of dialects/languages that mostly are familiar to the ear. Yummy food and none of the need to explain what is char kuey teow to someone.

Here, it is another different life, familiar as well, surrounded by new friends too. I have gotten used to the culture here, have finally succumbed to the pressure to say "how's it going?" to patients/not well known ppl. Because that's how they do it here. And I found it easier to slowly blend in, to not be so defensive and draw a line between our differences. It goes a bit easier on the heart as well.

I feel that I'm straddling two different worlds, but am able to be comfortable in both - making the switch whenever the need arises - as though it's the most perfectly natural thing in the world.

Sometimes, I wonder, what is real anymore?

I Am A Whiner

I'm currently week 7 in my obs & gynae posting. This week is relatively free but *gasp* my case presentation date has been set! First day of week 10 omg. Well maybe better to get it over with quick anyway. But we haven't started anything. *hyperventilate*

Anyway. The seniors who are currently working in adelaide/sydney will be coming back for graduation that week too. So can hang out after we are done! yay. Would be so good to see them again, miss them so much!

That reminds me, we also have our summative obs/gynae clinical exam to complete as well. Shall start to seek opportunities when I start being in team next week. Hope it will be good but I feel my knowledge is not up to scratch yet. Find time to study! (well more like mood currently, coz the hot weather definitely doesn't help)

Oh and I only have 1 more delivery shift left this coming saturday night and I have yet to be lucky enough to do any hands-on delivery! Major bummer. I look like this --> D: I really have tried my best so if I still don't get one on the last shift, so be it!

I am also trying to sort out the things for my elective. Will be applying to do a month stint in singapore next january. Very super mafan!!!! aihs. Made my dad wasted money buying health insurance for me as well and they had to send the letter AFTER he bought it. Thanks a bunch. *huff*

Hmm I also haven't quite decided what departments to go for yet though. Emergency department and general medicine are okay, but I need another 2 options. Suggestions? No surgery related things please.

Okay, I really should end here now before I sound like a total whiner. I dunno why recently opening this page does that to me. >.<