It's interesting when I realised that I'm currently in a phase where I'm just going along with things.
I think for every person, there is a need for a sense of control, but the degree needed is different for everyone. I think my threshold used to be really high. I still plan a lot of things ahead of time but these are the small things. Things like what am I going to cook tonight? Do I have stuff to make a sandwhich for lunch tomorrow? Am I buying enough vege and meat for next week? As you can see, most are food-related. :P
But I think I have stopped planning for the big things. Coz I can't anymore. There are too many variables that I'm unable to control. These would be what we call 'confounding factors' in EBM. lol.
I would love to know - which part of the world will I be in 2012? Will I be able to get the job I want? Will I still be with you? Could we have a future together?
Now, I'm taking the big things with baby steps. I might still dream of the future, but dreaming is different from planning.
I also realised I'm in a phase where things are going okay, but still I want to run madly forward, to another new phase of my life, to answer those questions. To know their answers, so that I can prevent things from not going the way I hope them to be.
In a way, I still wish to have control. Just that I'm unable to do anything now but have faith.