Warning: Emo post ahead. What can I say? It's that time of the night.
Aih. I don't even know where to pour my frustrations into. (had tried playing ps2 just now, apparently relief is only temporary. Blogging is still the best way, I guess.)
Yeah, this is a continuation of the events from that incident. I've tried my very best to justify my actions to her, [and yes, I still feel that I'm not in the wrong] but somehow, although her mouth says okay, her face says it isn't.
And I think that the reasonable suggestion that we shld bring issues out into the open and talk abt it doesn't seem to be well-received by her. The way she gestured meant that she doesn't like conflict (so do I, okay) but smsing unfair rude accusations is nothing short of conflict, if you ask me. -_-"
When asked to justify the rude words in the sms, all she can say is that she "didn't mean it". Right... And pigs can fly. Tell me another one. You don't sms rude harsh accusations and just get off with a "but I didn't mean it", excuse me. Besides, her face totally looked like she meant it, thank you very much.
And now she's ordering me around some tasks. As I said I'm very tolerant, so I relented in the end. But somehow this doesn't seem right coz by right, I'm supposed to be in charge. [can't elaborate more coz it'll be too specific ade, gotta keep it vague ya!] But nvm lah. I'll just let it be for now. But if it gets out of hand, sorry lah, I won't let you step on my head okay.
I dunno why. But I feel CHEATED. That once again, someone that I treated like a friend didn't feel the same way. It had happened many times already, and yes, I'm kinda getting sick of it. Really, maybe I gotta stop being naive. Thinking that if I treat ppl around me well, they'll respond the same way. NO!
I'm feeling kinda lost now. Coz this kinda affects my principles in life. As in how shld I treat ppl in the future etc.
I know I shldn't expect anything in return (and I didn't) when one does smtg good, but at least I don't deserve to be scolded, right? *floats around like an ill-used angel* Yeah, just trying to be sarcastically funny. -_-"
Well, just some wandering thoughts in my mind now.
Are ppl always not the way they seemed to be (read: not as nice as they seemed at first) especially when you get to know them better? I'm so afraid of this.
How do we judge ppl whether they're worthy of being nice to? (just so they won't backstab you later or smtg)
Why do such ppl even exist in the first place? What for? *arrgh*
Oh ya, I must remind myself. Do not judge ppl's character by looks and the superficial things they do in daily life. I was wrong after all.
Okay, it's quite late now and I'm tired after all that drama. Gonna stop here. Right, I'm off to cry myself to bed, NOT. She doesn't deserve that.
*hardens heart and tries to collect all positive thoughts*
6 comments:
despite our best efforts to have a happy ending, some things just don't work out the way we would like it to ya? but at least you tried.
*hugs ziyun for the brave effort*
clear your conscience. you really did try. you're serving the people around you the best you can, and it usually does make you happy, doesn't it?
be that angel even if they don't deserve it, because YOU deserve the joy of serving. and it makes you a better person for it... it makes you the ziyun that we respect and love (the people who matter do, at the very least)
but if you don't feel like doing something, just don't. it doesn't mean much anymore if you're doing it just because you're forced into it and not because (a) you like doing it and (b) you think it's the right thing to do.
sometimes, we gotta admit that we're mere humans without supernatural powers to be that good person all the time. at least we try.
hey, well this is what life is all about. meeting different kinds of people along ur life.
i think i've experienced this many times. nowadays, i just keep a distance and never be too close to someone. but it's hard to know. you can be real close for a while but later it falls apart. it's alrite to be emo. im always emo too. haha.
hope u'r better now. enjoy life k!! do more photoshopping! =)
Someone once told me, do you expect something in return when you treat someone as a friend? If so then are you truly a friend?
eve> thanks very much for your comment. really appreciate ur words of wisdom.
but you gimme too much credit. i'm not tat good a person either. i'm just trying my best that's all.
it's hard to be nice to someone who doesn't treat you well, but that is smtg to learn.
serving? i dunno. i just like helping ppl remove their problems tats all. don't like to see ppl i care for unhappy.
but i agree with u.
"sometimes, we gotta admit that we're mere humans without supernatural powers to be that good person all the time. at least we try."
yeah.
michelleg> ah. meeting diff types of ppl and being shocked by them eh?
well, i'll always try to make everyone satisfied lah, but sometimes it just cant be so, i guess. then its time to let go.
hmm. abt not being close to others, well i think that living like that is quite sad, isnt it? imagine never daring to be close to someone bcs u're scared that they'll backstab etc u in the end?
i guess that's a risk i'm willing to take. even tho it make hurt in the end, the joy it brings is great too.
anyway, thks for the concern. i'll do more photoshopping~! haha. =)
anonymous-whoever-you-are> hmm. good question. but i tot i clarified it in my post.
well this is what i think. if i treat someone like a fren, i try not to expect anything in return, tat means she's neutral to me. which im still okay with that.
but if i'm nice to her, and she treats me like shit, do u think i shld continue to let it happen? dont u think that is like letting her 'step on my head' so to speak?
well just my 2 cents worth. up to you to interpret it.
Post a Comment