Paying The Price

I think I'll never ever change my procastinating habits. I've tried to be better and there was slight improvement during the previous few in-course-systems.

But there I go. I went slack for this coming big one. EOS 5.

I am dead.

*inserts emoticon of dead skeleton buried under notes*

I've been trying very hard these few days. Going into turbo mode. But it still ain't fast enough. I don't think I can finish one round for all the systems. And I can't remember much of what I studied earlier.

Do you think it would be okay if I skip one system??

*inserts super guilty and panicky face*

Must tell own self to relax and don't panic. Hyperventilating won't help anything...

I can do this. I must trust my brain...

PS: Health Issues' exams was CRAP. It was pretty hard and I can't believe a lecturer so nonchantly said it was the easiest exam he had ever seen. My ass. I shouldn't had spend so much time studying for that. It was so boring too. bah!

Helpless

I hate falling asleep while reading my notes.. and waking up 2 hours later with an almost compressed nerve (Ahh!!) and neck in an awkward position.

Only god knows how long I have been doing this (luckily not every night though).

Health Issues system is a pain in the ass. Many of us have just started reading it not long ago (me not excluded hehe) and it's pretty boring to try to remember stuff like what steps to do when there's an epidemic, what are the core values of a doctor, how to promote health etc.

Aikz memorizing and really practicing it are two total different things, you know.

Anyway, exam is tomorrow. And I can't wait to faster finish reading the notes.. coz they are killing me.

And I am starting to regret wasting the first two weeks of the self-proclaimed study break. I don't think I can finish reading one round for all the systems. Maybe I should just give up. (learned helplessness ma...)

Okay. fine. I'm gonna get my ass to the library later.

PS: Check out this funny post. Picture parodies of The Last Supper. Only in the name of amusement and fun - not meant to offend. Enjoy! Gave me a much-needed chuckle. hehe..

No I Am Not

I find it ironic that you came to us for advice.

Ironic because we can't handle our own similar problems as well. So what right do we have to dish out advice to you?

If there is any useful advice available, I would like to be the first to know.

In my opinion, any advice given to others but not practiced by oneself is just that - crap.

Coz as of now...altho it might not look like it, but I still struggle to accept the fact in its whole totality.

I might look like I'm strong, able to readily tackle any stray emotions that come my way.

But I'm not.

But I hope to have the strength to face it one day.

A Storm Within A Storm

I'm still FAR from accomplishing what I shld have done by now in my revision schedule. I am so dead!!!

Oh whatever, just gotta do my best. Pray they will ask basic Qs and not detailed ones. Pray my brain will serve me well during those few days of exams. Coz now moi's brain can't remember what moi studied a few days back. AHHH!

What's the use of studying if I can't remember what I studied? =(

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No airing of dirty linen in public channels allowed. yes mum said tat. But she never said anything abt doing it in a vague nondescript way though! Besides it's not even my linen, figuratively.

Anyway, there was an emotional outburst. Like many incidents that happened prior to this. (don't worry, it wasn't me)

People's emotions were running wild like an elephant on a rampage. Tension. Negligence. Depression. Indignance. at being treated as such. A vicious cycle indeed.

Hey, have you ever wondered - what if it's all in the mind?

(Don't worry if you don't understand. you're not supposed to. I'm just randomly stringing words together for effect. hah.)

All That Glitters Is Not... Petrol?

Fellow Malaysians, you must have heard abt the recent petrol hike from the previous price of RM1.92/litre to the sudden leap to RM2.70/litre yesterday.

If not, you must have been living under a shell.

Or maybe you don't own a car.

Let's also not go into why the government decided that it was A-OK to suddenly spring this on us or what's wrong with subsidizing us a while more when our very own Petronas is making a huge ton of profit from oil. Coz this has probably been discussed to death in other blogs and they are more competent/convincing in doing so than me.

Anyway.

I foresee more increases in prices in just about everything! Which is scary. *sigh* Hvta save more money nowadays, cannot simply indulge every food whim, must buy the cheapest stuff, go out less also. >.<

Besides being frugal in your daily lifestyle, what else can you do to save your petrol and make it last to the very last drop? Here's a guide to the drivers out there. Do check it out!

Or if you want a more humourous positive outlook on how the fuel price increase will help Malaysia. Read this!

Sigh.. feel like there are many things going wrong with the world nowadays. What with the string of natural disasters, the ppl suffering, laughable acts by our politicians, inflation...

Maybe Armageddon is not such a far-fetched theory after all.

The Deafening Silence

I hate feeling like this sometimes.

It might be silent during the middle of the night. But the silence is deafening.

Many things run through my mind at these sort of hours.

Things I normally push aside to make way for "daily functioning", things I don't like to think about, things that make me all weepy inside, memories that I wished were gone, imaginations that I hoped wouldn't come true but they will - in some way or other. Coz they are inevitable.

I hate my brain sometimes.

Grateful

I'm feeling rather sleepy now so I think I shall retire to my comfy bed soon. (althou I shld be burning more midnight oil actually but sigh, my eyelids are not cooperating as usual)

Anyway, just tot I'll pen a few ramblings before bed.

Here's an announcement for those who are interested:- The Partner Medical School (PMS) I got matched to is University of Western Australia!

It's my second choice so I guess I'm pretty cool with it. Actually, to tell the truth, I don't really mind which PMS I get as long as it's in the region of Australia or New Zealand. It's just because of financial constraints that's why I put Uni of Adelaide as my first choice.

But then, as fate wud have it, I got the place I somehow seemed more inclined to. Don't ask me why. Maybe it's because it's the nearest PMS to Malaysia. haha guess I'm going to miss Malaysia when I'm abroad! that's why "sei charn" also want to be in the same time zone as Malaysia. (yup I'm still going to have the same bed time and no jet lag wuahaha!)

Jokes aside, I'm really grateful. really.

I was readying myself for far worse results so imagine the emotions that run thru me when I flipped the letter up to unveil the words of "Uni of Western Australia" staring at me. in bold.

To tell you the truth, I was more like shocked. Became emotionally numb for quite a while. Didn't know what feelings to express.

It was also largely due to the fact that I couldn't believe my good luck. I'm rarely lucky in these sort of things.

And I'm glad that most of my close friends are happy with their Matching Results too.

Congrats to:

• Kee Ping who got Uni of Auckland (1st choice) - you deserved it! Must be the good karma points for always being such a selfless person! =)

• Li Shan who also got Uni of Auckland (3rd/4th choice) - well didn't see you yet so not tat sure what you think abt it but heard you're ok with it, which is good! And so nice, you get to go with another good fren! *envy*

• Eugene who got Uni of Tasmania (2nd choice) - hehe we are in the same country!

• Thuan Tzen who got Uni of Melbourne (1st choice) - you've always wanted to go there so it's great tat you finally got what you wanted! Do some great research and become the first Malaysian Noble Prize Winner for curing cancer okay. lol.

• Beh who got Uni of Otago (1st choice) - wah why so many ppl go New Zealand wan? *pouts*

However, not everybody were happy with their results. Which was to be expected in a situation like this. Heard there were people who got their 6th or 7th choice. Dunno if there is anyone who got a choice further down than that.

I do not know how to write this part without sounding like some smug-stupidly-grinning-prat but... I really do feel sorry for you guys. But I guess in this case, you can't do much but appeal and continue to hope. But remember, you can be sad for a few days.. but don't forget the big picture! EOS 5 is coming soon so you need to get your wits back and continue the fight!

We wanted to help those in need. That's why we chose this difficult winding road called Medicine.

In the end, I guess it doesn't matter where we learn how to do that, as long as we do. And don't forget to care.

I bade everyone good night and sweet dreams...