Start of Neonates

Apologies but I did not have the mental or physical capacity to blog for the past few days. I must say, it has been a rather busy week.

I am currently doing my subspecialty for Paediatrics, which is Neonates. My previous enthusiasm for Paediatrics was dampened by an unfortunate prolonged encounter with a doctor who did not inspire me much. But that's a story for another day.

The point is: I'm trying to do the bare minimum currently to get me by - unlike in General Paediatrics, which I did my best as the patients were interesting and challenging to learn and manage. Don't get me wrong, Neonates is challenging as well, if not even more so. But to me, it gets a bit stale as all the patients looked similar, although they have come in for many different reasons. It breaks my heart to see all these small little babies so sick.

Anyhow, I think I'll still keep an open option on whether to pursue Paediatrics in the future. It is too early to say! One probably needs more experience to tell what they really like.

This week has been extremely busy with lectures/tutes/assignments/ward work! I have a presentation tomorrow as well. I dislike public speaking but... I think with practice, I will get better. However, it would have been good to get a topic I know a bit more upon. Guess what, I'm talking about myocarditis tomorrow. o.O Just hope it goes well. *fingers crossed*

But I'm so looking forward to a good "rest" (rest is relative for medical students!) this weekend. Falling asleep while studying is becoming a too common occurence! :(

Disrupted

So it's a Sunday afternoon and I'm hiding in my room after a nice bath and lunch of salad. *feels healthy* haha. It's bright outside but I have the blinds down in my comfy relatively dark room.

Was planning to sleep in today after a physically and mentally tiring week. But as you would have it, a neighbour has to mow the lawn/vacuum with some industrial strength machine at half past 10 on a sunday morning. NOT COOL!!

It woke me up and I couldn't really get back to sleep. I seemed to have lost the ability to sleep in. Especially if I'm woken up halfway. Why larrr... Have I gotten used to functioning on less sleep? (that would be handy!) But I would really like to have a good sleep in when I want to. Miss that feeling when you have just woken up from a nice long deep sleep.

Anyway, I had another weird dream. I dunno if you can call it a nightmare. It involved 2 ppl who looked kinda like ppl I know but aren't exactly them. So I was friends with this couple. And somehow one day, the girl went missing. And I found out that the guy has murdered the girlfriend in a fit of rage. Scary-nya... Last time I dream about an accident, now it's homicide!! OMG. And no, I didn't see anything like that on the news this time.

I wonder what are these dreams telling me... There must be something weird floating around in my subconscious...

Okay, I think I just have an overactive brain. How I wish it would use itself for more useful stuff like memorizing the entire list of antibiotics and microorganisms. -___-"

Reflect

I was re-examining myself last night, about my thought and emotional processes. A little reflection once in a while is a healthy thing.

Thanks to the bf who was doing a good job in enlightening me on certain issues. :) I feel that I can tell him almost anything and everything, and he will not judge me for it, but instead give me his thoughts objectively. Thanks, dear!

I realised that I have started out from a good standpoint, with a good intention... but somehow when things did not go my way and I did not receive the things I want, my intentions became skewed.

I felt that I needed to be acknowledged for my effort and work. Which in essence is wrong. It is not a competition. Coz I should be doing these things because I want to. Not because of the compelling feel that I need to.

I should remember the parents who appreciated me being there for them, when their child was sick. Who I sat with, talked to, sympathized with. Who happily thanked me when they were ready to go home. The children who recognized me, who I played with.

Who am I to think all these selfish thoughts? People are selfish essentially, there is no denying it. But you can limit the extent of your selfishness. I should open my heart a little wider.

If there is one good thing to be said about me, it's probably the fact that I often reflect on my own thoughts and emotions... and hopefully change for the better. That's why I'm always trying to live life the best way I know.

EQ

To be honest, this week wasn't that bad. But it somehow seems to be. The fatigue overwhelms.

I don't mind being tired if my effort pays off... but as life would have it, it's often the opposite that happens.

I get frustrated when ppl who do less but get more in return just because they are sweet talkers/good-looking etc. While ppl who work hard gain nothing. It pisses me off. What happened to the "you reap what you sow" philosophy? I really shouldn't be whining about this.

I'm telling myself to look at the good side of things when I have these bouts of bad luck. I'm so much luckier than so many ppl on this earth. One look at the very sick critically ill kids in the wards, and I know I'm just a pathetic whiner.

I think I'm just sensitive at this moment. It must be the hormones talking. (yeah, blame it on the hormones! how convenient!)

Okay. Emotional quotient time: Zzzyun, what you need is to not take things personally but instead, in moderation - and to be at ease with your self if you know you have done your best.

Fleeting

Today is a sunday (understatement of the year, I know) so that means monday is coming tomorrow. :(

Yes, I do look forward to seeing patients and pretending to be a pseudo-doctor sometimes. but hey, I would gladly love a few more days of break... to study.

Omg haha, I sound like a nerd. But too bad lah, this year cannot slack like last year already. Cannot last minute cram everything like last year. Or sure gone case wan, with the immense amount we need to study this year. Brain info overload. It's like when I read B, out goes A from my tiny brain. (microcephaly, anyone? okay sry! enough with the geek jokes *slap*)

Anyway, where was I? yeah. I need more time to breathe... I want to pass this year and go to 6th year smoothly. Coz this year is the hardest according to seniors. After that, should be alright.

I wanted to sleep in this morning. But somehow, I couldn't. Was awakened by someone going to the bathroom a nightmare I had. It was a really weird one though... Medically related, which makes it all the more scary.

Somehow, in the dream, I had suffered some serious internal injury... And I could see myself bleeding from one of the major vessels in the body. The blood was flowing quickly, bright red in colour. And somehow, I was looking down at my body from above - kinda like in those out-of-body-experience sort of stories.

And like how dreams normally are, I woke up suddenly, remembering only the above fragments...

Could it because I saw a report on the news last night abt a 15 yo girl who was in an accident, then was dragged for 80m under the car (the driver was trying to flee the scene! wth) and has sustained massive head injuries and is now in the ICU in PMH? Read more here. I hope she's doing okay. sigh.

Life is fleeting. Savour it when you still can.

PS: Sorry about the sudden depressing morbidity. But you know, life is not all about roses and sunshine.

Paediatrics So Far

Hello! Greetings from a chirpy but rather tired girl. Well, technically I'm starting to wonder how much longer I can still justify use of the word 'girl' *cough*

Anyway, this week has been absolutely great! The nice and willing to teach consultant is back! And I think (think-lah okay) he's quite pleased with my team involvment so far. hehe. So I'm one happy camper as well! :)

Been able to see quite a few patients. And various presentations. Interestingly, Paediatrics is so different than adult medicine because of the social side of things. In Paediatrics, taking a social history is immensely important. Due to  the fact that kids can't really take full care of themselves yet, we as health care professionals have a responsiblity to make sure they are receiving the best quality of life as possible. Not only in the medical sense, but also the care by the family as well.

If there is something dodgy going on (like abuse), we have a duty to set things into motion so that the kids will be able to have the best outcome at the end of the day. It's quite sad to see kids like that though.

Sad things aside, did I mention that the little ones are SOOO cute? omgosh.. haha. Am still not very good at dealing with older kids and teenagers though. Harder to get through. Hmm...

I am quite interested in paediatrics... so who knows, can consider this as a future career pathway! But we will see how things go. Paediatrics is like general medicine for kids; but with the extra challenge of diagnosing things when the patient can't talk or can't describe symptoms well enough yet. And it's not easy to engage a kid or teenager. And the best thing is that anything you do that benefits them will help them in the long-term future.

This is where I can really can see where the science and art of Medicine meets each other. :)

I Wish

This is one of the best 11 minutes of a movie I have ever seen. And showing the power of music alone.

Don't all of us wish for a life like that? If only life was that easy.

Weekends

Weekends are normally a time of rest and leisure for most ppl. Alas, it has turned into a time for me to catch up with studies. :(

And the sad part is - I can't even finish catching up! Why do I study so slow... Need to push myself a bit more. 5th year is uber stressful. I hope 6th year will be better.

But hey, this is the situation I'd put myself into, so gotta finish the race strong. There is no looking back. *grits teeth*

This weekend just totally zipped past. Had a study group session yesterday. And we had to do total house cleaning today coz inspection's on wednesday.

I feel like screaming: "WHERE HAS MY WEEKEND GONE TO??"

First Taste

First clinical week of paediatrics has just passed. Pretty full on since I am attached to a general paediatric team.

Seen quite a few patients but still a bit tentative when it comes to history taking and examination of sick kids though. Not sure how to handle them confidently yet. But hopefully that will come with time. :)

I was pleasantly surprised to see the clown doctors that came to the wards this afternoon. I think they are real doctors who dress up as clowns and try to bring some smiles to the poor kids. And omg, they are good. The kid in my team who apparently didn't like clowns according to his parents, LAUGH out loud at the silly antics of the clown doctors. Amazing stuff.

And I really quite like how they try to make the hospital as kid-friendly as possible. Colourful walls with murals/cartoons etc. And they have someone call a play coordinator. And they are in charge of bringing different sort of toys for the kids of different ages. Love the stuff they have. Apparently can even ask for x-boxs or laptops. Seriously awed.

And did I say how cute the babies are?? Omg. I think I've been influenced by the baby-loving bf!! lol. But it's so nice when the babies smile at you. Or the feeling you get when kids accept you when they were a bit wary initially. I hope I will be able to develop more of these skills of how to talk to kids of different ages.

But there's always a flip side to everything. It makes me really sad to see kids who are really sick and hvta be in and out of hospital all the time. Or who have multiple congenital abnormalities and are suffering. sigh.

Balance the good with the bad. Moderation is the mantra of life.

And I want to try to make life a bit better for those who are suffering; and I hope I will not forget or lose myself along the way, in the years to come.

Quarter Way

Will be starting paediatric teams tomorrow! Can't wait! Hope the kids are looking forward to see me too. haha. Actually, I'm hoping more that the kids won't cry when they see me. :P And maybe that I'll be able to adapt naturally when managing them.

Hope I learn lots!

My to-study-list shows no signs of slowing down. :( Need to get the vroom vroom up.

Welcome to a medical student's life.

PS: Do you guys like this microblogging style? At least I will blog more frequently this way, hopefully.

Breaks Should Be...

...well-deserved. Especially in 5th year.

Anyway.

Guess what guess what!! I have finally booked my flight to Brisbane after much contemplation!! Will definitely need to study hard the next few weeks to make up for that break during mid year!

And I just got back from a mini-break yesterday. We went for a day trip down south to Bunbury/Ferguson Valley. Scenery was beautiful. Didn't do a lot of special things but it was still FUN! :) Pictures are on Facebook, I'm lazy to upload here already haha. You are already lucky to see me blogging, ya know.

Okay time to sleep. Am tired of reading on contraception already. >.<

Imperfect

I'm so glad it's the super long weekend! We don't get many public holidays here in aussie, ya know. 4 free days is precious.

I was just sitting on my desk, thinking just now. Thinking about what I went through last year. The first year thrown into a foreign country wasn't my idea of fun at all. Being alone and yet surrounded by people who looked foreign, talked strangely, and throw you weird looks.

Sounds like an equation for fun? hurhur.

But come this year, everything seems different. It's not like I've totally blended into their community, but at least I'm not the sore thumb out now (well I hope). You could say I'm like a chaemeleon, changing her colours to suit the environment. But inside, she's still the same ol' person.

And why am I talking about myself in the third person suddenly? blek.

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There seems to be a lot to study for in 5th year. So much that it's quite overwhelming!!

It's sad that they all expect medical students/doctors to be this hyper high-functioning person (superman/woman!) that can go to hospital everyday and be kind to pts and yet still do a proper history/examination and come up with a logical diagnosis and management plan. And go back home to study, cook, exercise and do another 1 million things. Don't forget taking care of their family if they already have one.

Wtf is that??? We are human too, okay! :(

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On a totally unrelated note, I really find it hard to talk to ppl who I can't get along with but still have to due to certain (unrevealable - is that a word?) reasons. I really wanna just throw in the towel and give up.

But I tell myself, Zzzyun, what you need is patience.

Shucks.

Self Advice

More individualism and less soft-heartedness, my dear.

Stay out of things that do not involve you. (people will not thank you for it) It's true that less attachments lead to lesser disappointments and sadness.

Why not do things that you should be doing instead? For instance, studying?

[Enlightened]