Hope - The Thing That Keeps Shining

Yesterday, my mood was greatly improved when the aircon-man abruptly announced his arrival and fixed the leaking aircon. Which had been leaking like nobody's business for the past one week.

Just imagine many buckets below ready to catch the leaking drops trickles! And it leaks at random locations at random times. Mean I hvta keep supervising it to make sure to shift the buckets when they decided that it was fun to shift their dripping location. arggh.

Anyway, thought that finally everything was settled and that I can study in peace. Pleased to announce that today - for once - I managed to do some effective studying in the library. thank god for the separate area where there is less of the drilling and sawing noise. I was gonna go mad a few days back. *pulls hair* With all the renovation going on, the library is one of the worst places to study nowadays.

I guess we just hvta leave the same way we came in.

I rmb those sem 1 days where we're cloaked in semi-darkness when walking around uni. Because of the massive construction. think of the dust! the noise!

And now when we're in sem 5, yet again, we are attacked by that same similar terrible combination of dust + immense noise. It's an occupational hazard to be a medical student these days. *sigh*

Oh wait, I have digressed.

Today you have the pleasure of reading this post due to a sudden news that I've just received this afternoon.

Almost gave me an MI (that's myocardical infarction aka "heart attack" for those non-medic types out there)!

Apparently, without any due warning, the PMS Matching results will be given out tmr at 2.30pm outside AAD!

*omgwtfbbq*

I am NOT prepared at all. Be it mentally, physically, spritually whatever. Was told that it would be announced maybe two weeks later? And now they suddenly spring this on us? OMG.

My fragile heart cannot take this.. *faints*

Dramatics aside, I guess I can't do anything but just hope for the best. I know it's impossible to make everyone happy (especially when they don't take your happiness into account! heck they don't care at all - why else wud our study break be so damn short?!) so I can only hope that all my friends and I get the most suitable choice. (note that I said suitable choice, not first/best choice)

I believe that wherever I get, it's a sign that I am supposed to be there in the near future. Let's assign it to fate then. (hope that tmr at this time I can still be as optimistic)

Besides - in the grand scheme of life - does it matter where we start to learn how to help those in need?

It doesn't.

(wait that was a rhetorical question!)

Tonight - I rest in HOPE.

Oversensitive

If you have to be a drug, what would you be and why?

"I would like to be an anti-histamine - so I wouldn't be oversensitive anymore."

That was the answer I got from a fellow batchmate while reading thru the questionnaires for convo mag.

Now, thinking back, I can't help but agree with the statement myself. This post would be the reply to yesterday's sudden emo post abt friendship. I won't go into the details (mum says one shld never air one's dirty linen in public) but there are definitely many lessons and thoughts to muse abt from the incident...

For me, it's really hard to stop the floodgates of emotions from bursting out once it overwhelms me. It's like all my sense and logic just suddenly took a nosedive out of my window of conscious thought or something.

I had many experiences in my past. Not all were bad, but definitely not all were sweet. I thought I'd forgotten abt them, maybe I had wiped the state clean with my ability of selective short-term-memory-loss.

But apparently not.

Yesterday, it was like my Pandora's box of emotions about friendship was suddenly released without warning. No, the memories haven't disappeared. They were just lying low in some deep dark corner of my heart, ready to unleash their terror over me anytime anyday now.

I was terrified.

I thought I had curbed them. That they were gone. Never to hold their possessive grip over me anymore. But yesterday they reared their ugly little heads and showed me they had been just bating their time all the while long.

I am disappointed with myself.

Why did I let my emotions and past experiences took hold of me? I thought I'd changed much for the better... but there were lil relapses now and then. But yesterday's one was major. Huge.

I guess the human brain never really forgets all the negative stuff.

In the end, I am just human. Old habits die hard. But I will continue to strive and resolve to battle all those ugly lil creatures in my pandora's box.

Anyway, to you-know-who, thanks for taking the effort and time to talk to me about the incident. I really appreciate it. It shows that you all treasure this friendship as much as I do.

For once, maybe my naive thought about the meaning of friendship might not be so naive after all. =)

We all learn lessons as we go along. That is how we grow, isn't it? I hope to be a better person at the end of this long journey called Life.

Cliched as it may be, let's drink a toast to "friendship forever"!

Again. And. Again.

They say true friendship is not measured by the length of the friendship - rather, more by the intimacy and feelings shared together.

So far, Life has been keen on proving me how wrong this statement is.

Sometimes, I wish I would stop naively wishing for it to be true.

I think I had enough.

No more.

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UPDATE: Maybe it isn't as bad it seems. Will blog about it later. Anyway, let there be known.. there is hope!

Feeling Better

Hell yeah, this is the 3rd day of the self-proclaimed holiday and I'm feeling much better after some much needed rest!

Haven't been feeling well since yesterday morning - tummy was feeling bloated plus some dull ache. Palpated myself and felt guarding all over - omg generalized peritonitis!! lol. I shall try not to overeat again. (actually it wasn't my fault but I shall not dwell on it already)

Anyway, went to play basketball with the guys this morning. Wow it was certainly a good workout that my old bones needed! Sweating haven't been so much fun! haha.. My technique wasn't as bad as I tot, althou super long didn't play ade.. Now only realized how much I missed it!

There are some posts up my sleeve - pity them, have been hiding in drafts for sucha long time. I shall try to dig them up these few days alright.

Hmm my tummy is grumbling now. I want lunch!!

Okay ciao~

PS: Must start studying soon... althou the spirit and the body are both unwilling.. but must must start studying!!

PPS: How come nobody seems to be reading my blog wan? I guess it must be because of the few busy weeks I rarely update that has already chased all my readers away.. *sigh*

Post NS

My eyelids seemed to be involuntarily dropping down (*gasp* ptosis!) due to recent partial sleep deprivation but I am still adamant in my goal to blog abt recent events before taking the forty winks I rightly deserve.

Well, as the normal tradition, I shall again blog abt the exam before going on to the festivities, alright?

Looking back at this headache-giving-anxiety-filled Nervous system, I must say, we certainly have come far. The 2.5 years will be up soon. I can't help but stiffle a snuffle when I think abt it. T_T (wait don't you think "sniffle a snuffle" sounds farny? It's like a tongue twister or smtg haha)

Jokes aside, in my opinion, the Nervous system is certainly rather aptly named.. coz it turns all of us into nervous worrisome creatures trying our utmost best to read, understand and memorize all the important points!

*huge sigh*

Anyway, I must say... thank god that the exam wasn't as hard as I imagine it would be. I know the examiners could have made it so much harder that most of us would have broke down in tears at the exam hall itself.

However, it definitely wasn't easy. I shall be satisfied as labelling it as "do-able" for the most part. And to me, it certainly is a sigh of relief. Granted, a lot of pbl stuff came out. But that was to be expected. We were already warned beforehand. I did try my best to do my pbls diligently (actually I try to do tat most of the time unlike some people) but somehow didn't manage to cover everything I should. That's why couldn't really answer some of the Qs.. so just wrote some common sense lo. haha.

*ok I give up to nature - I shall go take my nap and continue later okay toodles*

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I'm back! Apparently my nap lasted til the next day lol. No-lah, just didn't feel like blogging last night after the heavy meal. So yeah, I shall continue with my ramblings now.

I think I shall go straight to the festivities, shall we? Nobody really wants to listen to me talk abt how difficult was the exam etc. It's old stale news~

Anyway, after the exam, we went to Sunway for a nice dinner plus movie. And it was also to celebrate LiYann's 21st birthday slightly earlier! ^v^ Her birthday is on monday. Woots! Big girl ade lo.. haha.

Dinner was at Manhattan Fish Market. To be honest, normally I ain't really keen on seafood, but the seafood platter is just plain delicious!!! *drools*

I ate until I was so full. omg. Certainly worth-it. And the chocolate cheese cake bought by Valene is so yummy!! The taste was so rich that I couldn't finish my slice of cake. (and normally you know I have a high threshold for sweet stuff haha) And the choc chips on it! oooh!

Adding in last nite's reluctant heavy dinner, I think I really need to go for some exercise. aikz. Basketball/swimming/gym/jogging, anyone? hmm..

Anyway, after the really filling dinner, we went to watch The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. I must say, the 2 and a half hours movie was worth every buck of the RM12 I forked out!!

*there may be spoilers I dunno - read at ur own risk*

The scenery was gorgeous, actors/actresses quite easy on the eyes, funny one-liners that really made me laugh, and the story was relatively loyal to the story book (except for a few alterations but then I've seen worse)!

Of coz, the main alteration that had me majorly shaking my head was the part where Susan and Prince Caspian kiss!! How can that happen? There never was so much as a hint of it in the book.. and it was kinda weird if you ask me. Unless Prince Caspian was so desperate that he would go for any lady near his age.. which happened to be Susan. go figure~

But on the overall, I lurve the movie! It has been so long that I've watched a fantasy-themed movie that was capable of pulling me into that dreamy-escapist sort of atmosphere... Go watch it! huhu.

And that was how the festivities ended. I'm so glad the exam is over. The few hours post-exam are so precious because it's the only time where one feels entitled to some proper chilling out and rest. Sigh poor medical students.

And now comes the time to do revision for the scary EOS5!! But I don't feel up to it. Let's procastinate abit, shall we? hehe...

Am going for another nap. Suddenly my tummy don't feel that good. Maybe indigestion from all that food. sigh.. ok tata!

Last Minute Spurt

As usual, blogging has been pushed way down my list of priorities since I've started sem5 (ahem 3rd year medical student - make way make way!) so when I do blog, I am always supposed to be doing smtg else.

Today is no different.

My CNS exam is this coming friday. Yes, less than 48 hours to mug!! *yikes*

I know you guys will say "aiya she always say that wan" but it is true! I still have tonnes of notes to finish (omg still in first round!) so yeah I am basically dead.

(I think I need the adrenaline rush/stress to push me to study - what do you think?)

Let's hope the exam and/or lecturers are kind to us too this time around.

CNS's notes are damn scary, most of them take damn long to read - well at least I take a very LONG time to read even one note. Aihs. So much content in one note!

Okay, I better go save my ass by publishing this filler post and continue studying!

Good luck, everyone! This is the last crazy-ass ICA! go go~

Two Days Which Seemed So Long

Yet again, when I shld be doing my last pbl for cns (thk god!), I am procastinating here. But hey, I really don't have any mood to do my pbl lah.. Have been (not-so) diligently doing it the past few weeks.. so cut me some slack!

Anyway, my last hospital visit was the day before yesterday. It was almost uneventful until the last part where the doctor was teaching for quite a long time then I felt weird again!! It wasn't as bad as last time where I couldn't stand... but anyhow, I felt this weird bulge in my throat (smtg like nausea) irritating me several times.. till I decided I didn't want to take any chances and asked permission to sit.

I hope this doesn't happen everytime I am in a hospital! Or that would probably signal the end of my carreer aspirations... :O I haven't been working hard for so long now for nothing! Let's hope it's just heat intolerance or smtg like tat... wait, tat sounds like hyperthroidism. uh oh~

Right.

*feels guilty for not doing pbl properly and disappears for an hour or so*

*appears later after finishing at least 1 learning issue properly*

Well, I'd managed to read and make notes abt the physiology of speech properly. So don't feel so guilty now haha so can continue blogging.

Okay, what's next?

Oh ya, my mock osce yesterday. Was pretty stressed up about it even tho I know it's just mock!

Anyway this is what came out for physical examination for my group.

1st PE: check for hydration status, presence of abdominal guarding and examine liver for signs of hepatitis.

Wahlau eh! Why so vague wan the Qs!! The previous group got pretty straightforward Qs. Just do superficial palpation of abdomen or movements of hip joint. Easy kan?? I was left debating there on what exactly should I do to check for all that.

Luckily I did the correct examinations I think. But apparently no need to percuss for liver span to check for hepatitis although almost everyone did it lol. A friend even more geng, can measure liver span without ruler (coz he didn't have one) and using just rough estimating! *rotfl*

2nd PE: Examine the model and do a pap smear.

Yikes! I wasn't the best at this model. So abit kelam kabut. Had trouble opening the metal thingy used to kiap cotton wool. Noob aren't I? Wasn't that hot either with handling the speculum plus inserting and removing it.. Oh well, guess I gotta practice more then!

The funniest thing was that I almost forgot to put on gloves. But luckily saw them in the nick of time. But a batchmate forgot and the dr said she'll fail anyone who did tat. Must always remember to put on gloves!!

BS was quite okay, did quite well - even tho the lecturer commented my face looked super nervous. But history taking wasn't that good. I was suddenly at a loss on what to ask. And I knew I was ok before this. Must be the nervousness building up inside me. *sigh*

Stand alone stations: One was quite easy, on fasting blood sugar. The other one was X-ray. Which totally pawned me! I didn't know we were supposed to look at both sides of the X-ray (apparently there was a normal and an abnormal one side) so I kept looking at the normal side so I couldn't find anything really abnormal abt it... (of coz lah, it was normal in the first place whut!) I'm definitely gonna fail that station. aikz.

Well that was abt it. At least I managed to pass most of the stations - which to me is an achievement in the first place. I remembeing very well failing my sem 3 mock osce badly too lol. And it wasn't from a lack of practice either. Nervousness is the enemy of students everywhere!!

Okla, that's abt it for today. Shld really continue doing my pbl. Only doing 1 learning issue just won't do.

till the next time we meet, bai~

Who Finishes Last?

I'm posting this up using the bf's celcom broadband portable modem thingy. I didn't know that he has this gadget or that it even works! [sry lah I quite noob] It's slow but at least it works! Hurray~

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I should be reading up on the relatively confusing topic of head injuries for my pbl tmr. But hey, when the inspiration to blog comes, grab it by the neck, I say. Especially when my entries are getting less and less scintillating by the week. aihs!

*wonders how many readers I still have left*

Anyway, my past week might have been normal or even boring to the casual observer. (ok maybe unlucky would be a better word – with reference to the previous post)

But who knows the happenings inside that relatively small but important thing called the brain?

(btw cns is a killer system – why must the human brain be so complicated??)

Many events to muse about. Many little seemingly unimportant facts brought to light. Who knows the intricacies of emotions? I pity those involved in this complicated saga. (sorry, no names will be mentioned for those who are kaypo)

In the end, it does seem like Karma is playing a cruel joke on her.

I guess you reap what you sow, right?

But why are other innocent people involved? Shouldn't there be any happy endings for the people who deserve it? My heart breaks… to see the good-hearted guy again taken for granted. Do nice guys always finish last?

I won't say more. Coz I can't do anything abt it anyway. Will just hope that goodness will prevail in the end…

A Series of Misfortunate Events

Here I am again. Lately a lot of things has happened but I shall just briefly gloss past them okay.

Point form it shall be then.

• We got back our msk results! And it was pretty good for most. Can you believe this? 81 ppl got A leh!! Isn't it great? =) Everyone must have worked very hard for this~

• My printer's black ink finished so I hvta depend on Liyann's printing account to print my pbl notes now. And it costed me rm45 yesterday to just buy a black ink catridge. wahliao so expensive.. sigh*

• And this is the worst thing that happened. My computer's hard drive crashed on me a few days ago! It just died. Kaput. Nada. Zilch. With no warning whatsoever. AHHH!! So I am computerless now - yes that is worse than being internetless. ='(

• So yesterday me and the bf went to buy a new hard drive from Low Yat. They were out of 80gb PATA type of hard drive (some type lah haha I dunno lah I'm computer noob) so hvta buy a 120gb PATA hard drive in the end. Which costed me another rm170!! *insert super sad broke face*

• Anyway, thanks a lot to KheeChun who has always help me with my computer problems! He's such a nice guy and has always sacrified time and energy to help me in times of computer needs! Arigato!! ^v^ And thanks to my deardear who always been there to help me too! And for going with me to buy those computer ware.. =)

• I guess all is okay now with the computer. They seemed to be doing a good job with restoring it to a usable state. But all my data is lost now. *wails at the thought of my painstaking collection of 3000 over songs*

• I am also lagging royally behind my notes. Weeks of cns notes are no joke, ya know? I just can't find the ooomph or energy to read them. The gradually piling higher stack are no help. bah.

Oh well, I guess that's all for now. Nothing really much to say except today's the last day to pass up my Matching Form. yeah, in the end, hvta follow my dad's advice. He's funding me, so the least I could do is listen to him I guess...

Okla. Time to check up on my comp. And get started on those notes! aihs.. till the next time we meet, bai.