If you have to be a drug, what would you be and why?
"I would like to be an anti-histamine - so I wouldn't be oversensitive anymore."
That was the answer I got from a fellow batchmate while reading thru the questionnaires for convo mag.
Now, thinking back, I can't help but agree with the statement myself. This post would be the reply to yesterday's sudden emo post abt friendship. I won't go into the details (mum says one shld never air one's dirty linen in public) but there are definitely many lessons and thoughts to muse abt from the incident...
For me, it's really hard to stop the floodgates of emotions from bursting out once it overwhelms me. It's like all my sense and logic just suddenly took a nosedive out of my window of conscious thought or something.
I had many experiences in my past. Not all were bad, but definitely not all were sweet. I thought I'd forgotten abt them, maybe I had wiped the state clean with my ability of selective short-term-memory-loss.
But apparently not.
Yesterday, it was like my Pandora's box of emotions about friendship was suddenly released without warning. No, the memories haven't disappeared. They were just lying low in some deep dark corner of my heart, ready to unleash their terror over me anytime anyday now.
I was terrified.
I thought I had curbed them. That they were gone. Never to hold their possessive grip over me anymore. But yesterday they reared their ugly little heads and showed me they had been just bating their time all the while long.
I am disappointed with myself.
Why did I let my emotions and past experiences took hold of me? I thought I'd changed much for the better... but there were lil relapses now and then. But yesterday's one was major. Huge.
I guess the human brain never really forgets all the negative stuff.
In the end, I am just human. Old habits die hard. But I will continue to strive and resolve to battle all those ugly lil creatures in my pandora's box.
Anyway, to you-know-who, thanks for taking the effort and time to talk to me about the incident. I really appreciate it. It shows that you all treasure this friendship as much as I do.
For once, maybe my naive thought about the meaning of friendship might not be so naive after all. =)
We all learn lessons as we go along. That is how we grow, isn't it? I hope to be a better person at the end of this long journey called Life.
Cliched as it may be, let's drink a toast to "friendship forever"!