Friday, May 23, 2008

Oversensitive

If you have to be a drug, what would you be and why?

"I would like to be an anti-histamine - so I wouldn't be oversensitive anymore."

That was the answer I got from a fellow batchmate while reading thru the questionnaires for convo mag.

Now, thinking back, I can't help but agree with the statement myself. This post would be the reply to yesterday's sudden emo post abt friendship. I won't go into the details (mum says one shld never air one's dirty linen in public) but there are definitely many lessons and thoughts to muse abt from the incident...

For me, it's really hard to stop the floodgates of emotions from bursting out once it overwhelms me. It's like all my sense and logic just suddenly took a nosedive out of my window of conscious thought or something.

I had many experiences in my past. Not all were bad, but definitely not all were sweet. I thought I'd forgotten abt them, maybe I had wiped the state clean with my ability of selective short-term-memory-loss.

But apparently not.

Yesterday, it was like my Pandora's box of emotions about friendship was suddenly released without warning. No, the memories haven't disappeared. They were just lying low in some deep dark corner of my heart, ready to unleash their terror over me anytime anyday now.

I was terrified.

I thought I had curbed them. That they were gone. Never to hold their possessive grip over me anymore. But yesterday they reared their ugly little heads and showed me they had been just bating their time all the while long.

I am disappointed with myself.

Why did I let my emotions and past experiences took hold of me? I thought I'd changed much for the better... but there were lil relapses now and then. But yesterday's one was major. Huge.

I guess the human brain never really forgets all the negative stuff.

In the end, I am just human. Old habits die hard. But I will continue to strive and resolve to battle all those ugly lil creatures in my pandora's box.

Anyway, to you-know-who, thanks for taking the effort and time to talk to me about the incident. I really appreciate it. It shows that you all treasure this friendship as much as I do.

For once, maybe my naive thought about the meaning of friendship might not be so naive after all. =)

We all learn lessons as we go along. That is how we grow, isn't it? I hope to be a better person at the end of this long journey called Life.

Cliched as it may be, let's drink a toast to "friendship forever"!

8 comments:

sunflower :) said...

true friends are hard to come by...do not let anything (be it trivial or not) trample over a bond that has been knitted so well and with much effort....talk things over and everything will be fine!!! sometimes things are not as bad as it seems...always look on the bright side!!! :)

K-Ng said...

friends are not to be believed. since in the midst of the word 'believe' lies a word 'lie'. instead trust someone like me, ur bro.lol

sunflower said...

i beg to differ.....in the word believe, there's also the word live....hehe...it all depends on how u view things, so many perspectives, so many angles...

Zzzyun said...

sunflower> knowing and doing is two complete two different things, dont u think so? i also want to change for the better, but sometimes it's not as easy as it sounds. to tell u the truth, i envy the friendship shared by u and ur frens.

but then in the end, i guess it boils down to how one looks at things. i hope to be more optimistic in the future! =)

k-ng> hello bro! well looks like my friends has replied u with their own versions of anagrams from the word "believe".

haha i guess in the end, it's all abt ur perspective/outlook on life!

hang in there, bro, dont be so cynical yet! ^v^

fun fun ^_^ said...

Wah... So your bro is "k-ng".. Wonder why...

Friendship is like any other relationship, which will be stronger only if it's based on trust. Of course, the trust has to be exercised with caution.

Forgive but not to forget (coz we need to learn to be wiser). Eg. you know you have healed when you rub hard on your old scar and it doesn't hurt, yet the scar is there to remind you, not of the pain, but how you got that scar.

Zzzyun said...

funfun> oh, k-ng stands for kent ng, my bro. haha..

trust? i've always been easy to trust others, until i started getting hurt all over the place.

do u know in the end, i was so scared to place any more trust in others? until some ppl decided to show me that they were worth my trust :)

hmm i like ur last part abt the forgiving the scars but not forgetting. it's true i guess. for me, i still rmb how it got there.. but i guess it doesnt hurt as much as last time anymore.. but the past experiences do haunt me sometimes.. sigh*

K-Ng said...

k-ng stands for knowledgeable NG. ONLY for the Ng family =)

Zzzyun said...

k-ng> wah really ah bro.. so geng meh LOL