Blank white noise. That's how I would describe how I'm feeling these few days. Pretty much emotionless.
Okay enough abt that. I want to describe a scene that happened last week so that it'll forever be imprinted here, as my mind is a fickle thing.
It was a thursday. An extra stolen day which we hold on to. Because we didn't want to stay goodbye in the noisy airport the day before. Actually, I think we didn't want to say our goodbyes at all.
However, Time is cruel.
The time came to say our goodbyes, whether we want or not. I hugged everyone. Even though we all weren't exactly the huggy type. But I wanted to show you guys how much I am going to miss you all.
You hugged me tightly. You're the first friend who had hugged me so tightly. I know you will miss me as much as I am going to miss you. Somehow, we connected. You with your steadiness of temper and me with my talkative persona. You who were willing to shake my shoulders to wake me up from my cloud of depression, even though fully knowing that that might hurt the friendship. But it only grew stronger.
And then there was you. Your normally jokey smiley face suddenly took on a different look that day. We connected on a different level too. You managed to tell me to take care of myself, especially my health. But I could feel there were more words choking up in your throat. You wanted to say more, right?
I wanted to tell you how I felt too but I just couldn't force the words out. But from the look on your face, I know you are another person who will miss me as much as I am going to miss you too.
And then we all walked to the lrt station as though we had blocks of stone tied to our feet. Dragged our feet we did, but onto the lrt we went.
Only one station and half of us had to get out. Last glimpse of the girls. Too many ppl in between to wave goodbye. And then the doors closed with a cruel clang. And just like that, they were gone.
The rest split into two groups who started waving sad goodbyes to each other. Another train to catch. They had to buy tickets while I already had bought my return ticket earlier. Suddenly I wished we hadn't been so street smart to buy them earlier to avoid the crowds. Selfish me wanted more stolen time. however little it was.
The lrt on my side appeared first and was chugging patiently down its rails. To my surprise, you all appeared on the opposite side. Another stolen opportunity. I kept waving and smiling. with tears appearing in my eyes.
No I must not cry.
We got onto the train. I kept turning back and waving through the blurry windows of the train. You all kept waving back too. Maybe you all felt the same way I did? The same deep gut-stirring sense of emotion threatening to overwhelm me from inside and spill out.
And too fast - the familiar warning ring came and the doors closed. The train went puffing on its own way. And that was the last I saw of you.
I concentrated on not crying.