Tagged~

I was tagged by valene (the amino acid, hehe) coz I so happened to be reading this tag [on her blog] that I'm going to do below.

Yalah, I know that it's not compulsory to do it, but since I'm so nice *ahem*, I'll just relent and do it lah. Aiya, also quite long didn't do tag already lah.. hehe.

Part 1: On the Outside

Name: You guys know me as Zzzyun already, right? Need to repeat meh?

Birth Date: 14th September, 1987 (Must rmb eh! hehe.)

Current status: That is for me to know and you to find out. =P

Eye Color: Dark brown - Black?

Hair Color: Know the meaning of raven tresses? *winks*

Righty or Left: Righty

Zodiac Sign: Virgo - I wonder if there is really a perfectionist in me...

Part 2: On the Inside

Your Heritage: Chinese - and they are known to be good at maths but cunning. :T

Your Fear: Being alone with no frenz.

Your Weaknesses: I care too much. I get irritated too easily. I get worked up over the smallest weirdest things.

Your Perfect Pizza: As long it's cheesy I like it! I'd try most..

Part 3: Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

Your thoughts first waking up: Last time it used to be the wrong things is my life. Now is - I want to sleep sumore eh... :(

Your bedtime: Since I became a medic student, there is no such thing called a bedtime. Hehe..

Your most missed memory: The high school years I guess, with good frenz.

Part 4: Your Pick

Pepsi or Coke: Coke

McD or Burger King: McD

Single or Group Dates: Non-experienced so I can't say. Blek.

Adidas or Nike: Nike

Lipton Tea or Nestea: Nestea.

Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate! I'm a chocoholic~!!

Cappucino or Coffee: Prefer Cappucino. Taste nicer.

Part 5: Do You...

Smoke: Siao ah? No way! I don't want to die young!

Curse: Not really. Unless you really piss me off... so watch out! hehe. You've been warned. =P

Part 6: In the Past Month

Drank alcohol: Nope

Gone to the mall: Yeap. This morning!

Been on stage: Last 2 years got lah. Past month don't have lah.

Eaten sushi: Nope. Going this sunday! Wee~

Dyed your hair: Last 2 years (coz I was being rebellious). Not in the past month.

Part 7: Have You Ever?

Played a stripping game: You say leh? Siao. Of coz not lah! o.O

Changed who you were to fit in: I dunno. If yes, I wouldn't really know, right?

Part 8: Nuff Said

Age you're hoping to be married: Err... It's up to fate I guess. Gotta finish my studies and have a carreer first! *sigh*

Part 9: In A Guy/Girl

Best Eye Color: As long as can see then ok liao. hehe.

Hair Color: Black would be nice. Don't want white hair ah!!

Short or Long Hair: Generally short hair. Unless the long hair looks super good on him, then that's another story! hehe.

Part 10: What Were You Doing?

1 minute ago: Doing this tag lo.

1 hour ago: Practicing aikido with frenz in the sri petaling community center.

4.5 hours ago: Having dinner with frenz.

1 month ago: Studying medicine I guess.

1 year ago: Sitting for my HSC exam then.

Part 11: Finish The Sentence

I love: the fun things in life! ^o^

I feel: contented. And tired.

I hate: to feel stupid. And insignificant.

I hide: my insecurities? (Dunno lah, simply write wan, it sounds cool whut. haha)

I miss: Penang food! (Yalah, I very greedy wan lah...)

I need: more motivation! So I can be more hardworking.

Ok, that's it. I really need to sleep liao. I'm too lazy + sleepy to tag ppl now, so if you wanna do this tag, then you do lah. Zzzzz~

Summative 2 ~ CVS

*throws confetti in the air* :D

Yayz!! Summative 2 is over!

It went okay. I definitely did so much better than last time. I guess the (more) consistent studying paid off. But I really shld work harder tho. A lot of my frenz are so god-like that it's freaky!! :O

I did okay for most parts, but was bombed by all the epidermiology questions. Aih.. Shld have read all those formulas more properly. But overall, I'm quite satisfied. =)

I guess now only I understand the thrill you get when all your hard word is paid off.. Yalah, I think I always had been a lazy-last-minute-studier since I was born. Ha! But hvta change liao lo, as it doesn't seemed to work in med sch... (Read this to know why.) *sigh* I shld read more books instead of notes only, so that I'll become a better doctor! Yeah!

Anyway, will be starting CVS officially today! I'm kinda looking forward to it [cannot ah? =P], as this will be our first systems' course where we'll really dive into the real medicine (so to speak). But unfortunately, our class will start at 4.15pm everyday. Which will really turn our internal clock/circadian rhythm upside down tho. Aikz.

Hmm. Just looking at the list of books that we'll need. Now I'm wondering which I'd need and shld really buy. Pharmacology, Clinical Medicine, Clinical Anatomy. Dunno eh... [Any advice, seniors who are reading my blog?]

Err. Suddenly at a loss of what to write. My blogger's syndrome coming back to haunt me liao..

I guess I'll stop here for now. Will continue when I rmb what I wanted to say. Forgetting what I wanted to say, esp when ppl interuppt me is nothing new, but I can't believe that day, I forgot what I wanted to think!! :O lol.

I think I have some sort of degenerative CNS disease? *touch wood*

Okla, too much crap liao. Will end here. Ciao!

PS: Oh ya, I rmbed! I haven't done my AIR topic which is due tonight! No mood to do too.. Uh-oh...

Keep The Fire Burning

Damn sien lah studying. Aikz. *starts pulling hair*

Okla, I won't rant so much here lah. Except that I seemed to be kinda stressed the past few days although I didn't know it. Isn't that weird? Well, that's what some of my frenz commented lah. (They say I've a "certain look on my face" when I'm stressed.) *shrugs*

Dunno lah. I do think that I've been a bit more snappy than usual to the ppl around me, so gomenasai if I've accidentally snapped at you okay!! I'm going to use the excuse and say "I'm stressed okay"! *sigh*

Okay, stop ranting, girl! Hmm. What random thing shld I blog then?

Oh ya, btw, some good news! I passed my crp practical exam ade!! Yayz~ ^o^ So happy. I was SO worried that I was gonna fail again, you know, that my heart was thumping so hard that I swear it almost flew out when I was checking the results on the board.

*sigh of relief*

One hurdle crossed. That leaves summative 2 next monday. I haven't finished revising (as always) but I can safely say I've put in more effort compared to last time. Really really hope I can do it this time.

*keep the fire burning inside, girl!*

Okay, just wanna end by wishing Sue Wen a very happy 20th birthday!! An adult liao lo, must be "sang seng" liao ah... wakaka.. All the best wishes for everything ya! :D

Yeap, time to chao. Got extra class later. Cya!

What, CVS Already?

Haih. Dunno why, recently been having a stroke of bad luck. Things haven't exactly been going my way.

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They just gave out the timetables for CVS (for those not in the know, that stands for CardioVascular System) yesterday. [Wah, starting systems' course liao ah, woo, finally the real medicine is coming! :O] They totally shld have given it out earlier eh!!

Now only I know that I've CSU before exam!! *arggh* So not only I've to study for the exam, I also have prepare for the CSU session eh... (unless wanna kena marah by the lecturers lah) :T

Next monday is damn packed.. I have CSU, Summative 2, feedback session, PBL 1 and one lecture in 1 day!! My god. My classes will start from 8am till 5.15pm~! o.O

*starts hyperventilating*

*calms self down by counting from one to ten* =/

Really want to relax after exam also cannot. Will hvta do AIR topic that night, coz the next day, we'll officially start CVS liao! Wah, time really flies!

Then some of my frenz will hvta go for clinic visit the next day, so wanna go out and celebrate the end of foundation 2 also cannot. Really sien.

*sigh* Medic school doesn't look really appealing now. =(

Can someone remind me why I am putting myself thru this course again?

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Got this anecdote from June's blog.

• Knowledge is power.
• Power is corrupt.
• So study and be evil~!!

*muahaha*

Complicated Emotions

I sometimes wonder, what is the thin line between being concerned over a friend and being kaypo over their personal matters.

I am certainly concerned over the welfare of my friends, but how they look at it, who knows. They might be thinking that I should just freaking mind my own business.

But when the friend seems to be in mental agony, depression – i.e. too emo for his own good – when we interfere, we are just trying our best to help him, isn't it?

But then things are not always as simple as it seems. Too many people are involved. Some people are just born insensitive, I guess. Can't be helped. But his insensitivity has lead to other people being hurt.

And sometimes, it IS hard to do the right thing – especially if you are not sure what exactly is the right thing to do.

*sigh* Life is complicated.

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Wow. Trying to cheer (sad) people up sure is a hard task. Even though I am quite "pro" in making people laugh *perasan*, sometimes, it is just too hard to make people who are emo smile.

Only with extra effort, did I see him crack a smile. And that is probably becoz I acted silly enough. Aikz.

Really must go and improve my making-people-laugh-skills. Hmm...

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On second thought, scratch that. Sometimes I am just too tired of making others happy/pleasing others, you know? Coz in the end, who's going to make me happy?

Sorry lah, a bit emo these days. Maybe it's the stress, maybe it's becoz some ppl just say things without thinking, maybe it's just becoz that human emotions are too complicated to comprehend.

Aihh. I give up. I'm so gonna be a hermit and my life will revolve around studying, sleeping and eating.

Yay! How nice. -_- What the heck. Just ranting lah. As if I'll be able to be a hermit. :T

It Really Was A Typo!

I still can't believe that Philip put this up. (You hvta click on the link to understand what I'm going to write below...)

Hey, I'm framed! I'm innocent! It was honestly a TYPO on my part okay? o.O

Walao, next time really must type proper, accurate english, especially around bloggers! Woah, dangerous~ Hahaha...

But nevermind lah. Just for laughs lah. Besides, he did put up the part about me typing wrongly, so still got "damage control". :P

Damn funny lah. But at least someone said that I'm hot. *winks*

To Trust Or Not To Trust - Me

I may not look like it - I may talk a lot of crap sometimes, but I AM trustworthy. I can keep secrets.

Don't believe it? Ask the many ppl (note the word "many" in case you didn't notice the italics) who told me pretty juicy stuff, but I never told anyone else. *thinks of all the potential gossip that I could have generated but didn't* ^o^ Don't worry, peeps, your secrets are safe with me! Hehe.

Hey, don't forget to take into account the fact that I suffer from short-term memory loss. So I forget a lot of stuff quite soon enuf. hehe. Isn't it a win-win situation? You get to tell your stories & feel better, I get to hear them, but in the end no one else knows abt it coz I've already forgotten. Blek.

Some ppl look trustworthy, but in the end, they are not. Not intentionally, but... still.

Ha. How ironic life is.

PS: Woot! Dimsum just now was nice!! So full now... We shld do this more often. Hehe. I really live to eat. :P Oh ya, paiseh that I woke up late ya, forgot to turn on my alarm clock last nite. Hehe.

How Happy Can One Be?

I'm sure this has happened before.

You're sitting in the lecture theatre, minding your own business. Bored of looking at your notes, you look up, and see this attractive girl/guy who's walking by with high spirits, looking like they don't have a care in the world.

You envy them, for being so happy, easily. While you are turning moudy in that little corner, wading in your depressing thoughts about the past/present/future.

You go home, turn on the comp and start reading blogs (coz what better way to find depressing stuff to read, right?). In your epiphany of blog-hopping, you stumble upon the quite secretive blog of that girl/guy you envied in the lecture theatre just now.

You start reading. And your eyes slowly grow bigger and bigger as you scroll down the page.

You never knew! The girl/guy that you thought was so happy has their own miserable thoughts too. They may be even more miserable than you, but just that they never showed it.

And blogs is a good way of getting to know a person better, as you can read their innermost thoughts, and get to know of things which you will never know by looking at them alone.

See how looks can deceive.

I'll never admire other ppl for "looking" happy again, coz deep down inside, they might be hoarding some sad sad secret which you'll never know about.

I think deep down, everyone has a sad wound in their heart that will never heal fully.

You CAN be happy, just that I think there is no such thing as being completely, wholly happy. [Not unless if you're a baby who knows nothing except crying, drinking and shitting. And still the baby is not happy also, crying all the time.]

See? No one is completely happy. And I have come to accept that. That is the truth.

But if one can be at least 90% happy, I guess that is as good as it gets.

Rmb, life is too short to be happy tomorrow. :)

Just Some Thoughts

Just wondering...

• Why is there no one truly, completely happy?

• Why does everyone have their own set of problems that most ppl would never know of?

• Why do some ppl do things without remotely going thru that process called thinking (in reference to the incident our batch rep talked to us about)?

• Why do people tend to judge others so easily, but don't even start to think about what flaws they themselves have?

• Why do looks deceive so much?

• Why is it so hard to trust other people for some?

• Why is life so complicated sometimes?

• Why the only way to heal heart wounds is through time?

• What is the meaning of life? What are we here for?

Hmm. Makes one start thinking, doesn't it? But don't worry, I'm fine. Just thinking abt what some of my frenz are going thru now. That's all.

*deep in thought*

CPR (Crashed, Pulped, Ruined)

*stops myself b4 I attempt to rant abt how sad my life is without internet*

Anyway, the cpr exam was so-so only. I was SO nervous that I suddenly understood the phrase "knees going weak". :( Never felt so nervous in my life, and I dunno why. Maybe it was partially due to my recovering health status too.

My stomach wasn't exactly feeling great, and stupid me had to drink a carbonated drink while I had smtg that was remotely like gastric pain. Which totally made it worse. How stupid can one get. Aikz.

I went in with so-called butterflies in my stomach, and started with the 1 man crp -> infant cpr & choking -> adult choking.

Errors I made at 1st station: forgot to activate EMS [I knew it!!], went blur abt rescue breathing and the guy had to hint me so many times (also asked me to calm down 1st, blek)... *sigh* Not exactly a good start.

Went totally blank at the 2nd station. Keep saying that I shld check for breathing when I shld be ventilating the baby. *arggh* Examiner stopped me, sent me to the back to find out what I was doing wrong. Was really upset then. =(

I tried to calm myself down.. *deep breaths* And voila. I sailed thru the 3rd station!! Yeah, perfect~ See? I knew I shldn't have been so nervous... :T Well, at least that was okay.

But wasn't finished yet. Had to redo the 2nd station.

Told her what I did wrong and she asked me to proceed. Can't believe that I made the same mistake again!! :O *slaps self* Really stupid. Dunno what was wrong with me. She even said: "Why are you making the same mistake again?" *deadpan look*

And shld check pulse b4 check for breathing rite? I got abit confused at 1st. Then I ran thru everything in my head. And decided that yes, shld check pulse 1st. Narrow shave there. She had that glint in the eye, telling me that she was ready to fail me ade... Fuyoh~

After it was done, she asked me: "Confident of saving lives?" And since I didn't do well, I said: "Dunno." I very well couldn't said "yes", right? Aikz. But at least I added: "I'll practice more."

That seemed to suit her fine. She was satisfied with the answer lah.. Hmm..

So the conclusion is that I still dunno whether I failed or passed. *sigh* Really hope its the latter. I've had enough of my share of failing recently. =(

Anyway, summative 2 is coming soon and I really need to buck up!! :T Well, peeps, I guess there will probably be less posts for this 2 weeks lah..

Can't believe that we're gonna start CVS soon!! Time sure passes fast~ Woo...

Some Crappy To-Do List

Food and uninterrupted sleep never felt so glorious before.

I'm on the mend now, peeps. Thanks for all the well-wishes. :) Glad to have such nice frenz as you guys. *beams* I'm so lucky.

Now, to deal with all the stuff that I shld have finished in the 2 and a half days I was half dead on the bed. *sigh*

My very behind to-do list:

1. Tmr got cpr practical exam! Oh noooo! I'm scared leh...

2. Hospital visit report. Ish. So mafan.

3. AIR topic. Which I totally shld have done during the deeparaya hols. Aikz.

4. And of coz, who can forget? My super behind studies!! :( I really don't want to fail again...! *huge sigh*

The list looks short but it IS a lot to do eh. How ah.. how ah? I think I'm having a panic attack. The sick period totally ruined my planning.

If I do plan, that is. *palms forehead*

Anyway, I guess I really gotta pull up my socks this time. No more fooling around liao I guess. Two more weeks till summative 2... Think still can do it kua... I hope so.

Gambate to myself~! (sorry lah, I selfish kua, only gambate to myself.. lol.) Okla, you guys also work hard lah.. Hehe.

Okay, time to chao. Need to read up on how to suck the air out of somebody give cpr and how to force stuff out of someone's throat do the heimlich's manueveur. Chao seng~

Sick

Felt extremely shitty the past nite and the whole of today. Why? If you're observant, you might have noticed that my punkymood had been changed to "sick"! =(

Yes, that's what I'm feeling now. Sick. Extremely. Haven't been this sick since who knows whenever. I guess my immune system decided to take a break and this is what happened. Vomitted 5 times, had diahorrea, and nausea and back pain. I can't keep anything I eat down in my stomach...

I suspect it to be food poisoning. The ironic thing in this is that I just told my fren a few days back that I'm rarely affected by food poisoning due to my self-proclaimed "iron stomach". Guess that the powers-above wanted to show me not to be arrogant for being normally blessed with a good immune system. *sigh* New lesson learnt.

Feeling rather hungry now but I can't eat in fear I'll puke again! I'm so hungry... Is this what it feel like to be starving? The difference is just that we can't eat for diff reasons..

I haven't been this sick for sucha long time that I've kinda forgotten how it feels like to be sick... I just want the agony to end. I guess this will make me be able to emphatize more with sick ppl... Imagine feeling like this for more than days, weeks, months or even 24/7 (for those with chronix disorders)... Really charm.

More than 1 day wasted. Spent the whole day in bed. And in the toilet. No kidding. Which could have been spent on studying, since I'm kinda behind. Ish. To think that I have to fall sick when there are no classes. But I guess it's a blessing in disguise so that I won't need to miss any classes. :(

I've been surviving on water, 100-plus and green tea. Those are the only things that my stomach seemed receptive to. It even showed its dislike of milo by letting it go out the way it came into it. Blek.

I'm so hungry but I can't eat!!

Dear stomach, can you please decide what do you want?? If you want me to eat, can you please keep the food in there? *arggh*

Anyway, I feel very grateful to my fren that had been taking care of me since I fell sick... It sure would have been worse if I was alone, sick. My parents are very concerned too. It has been a long time since I've heard the concerned voice of my mum...

Okay, enuf rambling. Now would you excuse me, I think the toiletbowl is hailing me now.

Hospital Visit + Other Rambles

Here I am again! After a few days of MIA-ing. Hehe. Not my fault lah.. The horrors of not having a internet line prevails.. *sigh*

Anyway, been pretty busy the pass few days. Coz I just had my 1st hospital visit on monday and tuesday! It was Nursing Week, so we're supposed to go to Tuanku Jaafar Hospital (formerly known as Hosp Seremban) to observe what nurses do and general stuff in the hospital lah.. I shall not eleborate more coz we're supposed to write a report on stuff we did there, and I don't wanna repeat those boring stuff here lah.. [Nearly forgotten that i'd to write the report eh.. aiyo~]

Anyhow, I still think the trip was kinda boring for me. I didn't learn much.. :( I think it depends on which wards you're assigned to lah. I got Male Surgical ward, which was nothing much coz most of them were just recovering post-surgery. Aikz. The most interesting case was this guy who got 1st degree burns on his arms and face. And a super crap talker guy with esophaegeal cancer. That's all. Damn boring, right? Ish.

Some of my frenz got to see SLE cases, 13 week old foetus (!!), woman with amniotic embolism etc.. YERRR! So not fair!! *pouts* I hope we'll get to see more interesting cases during the next hospital visit. [Reminder to self: well if I want to understand cases, I need to read more~]

Okay, I can't believe that my group went to sleep in the super comfy student lounge for almost 2 hours becoz we had nothing better to do and we didn't want to stand around in the stuffy ward (had to wear thick lab coats summore!) looking like fools. *sigh*

Whatever. At least that's over. CAL lab just now was okay. At least I knew what was going on anyway. So that leaves the rest of the week free for me to... erm.. study? Hmm. Dunno eh, sum2 coming in 2 and a half weeks. Really need to buck up! Or else you know lah.. :T

But can't study for 4 days straight lah. Can seriously die of super boredom eh... Well, I think the guys are going to Klang on friday morning! Hopefully the plans work out. I want to eat Klang Bak Kut Teh and dimsum!! *salivates* Hehe.

And another reminder to self, CPR practical exam on coming sunday... A bit freaked out.. Hope I do well or else Imu will be earning a full rm100 from me. Blek. (rm40 for the resit theory and rm50 for resit practical). Can do lots of stuff with rm100 eh!! :(

Oh ya, the m106 blog seems to be working fine. Although there are dead periods now and then, it's still okla. That's normal for a medical students' blog. Haha. And the posts are quite interesting too! ^o^ Keep it up guys!

Okla, I think I shall end my rambling here lah.. No mood to keep on typing ade.. Tired too... Ciaoz!

PS: I seriously can't believe it, that the girl sitting near me in the comp lab just said to her other fren that she was GLAD that her "best fren" FAILED her saq and some exam... Wth! What sort of frens is she lah... B*tch! Sorry, I really can't refrain from swearing here coz that IS what she is. She even has a sugary-gag-cute voice too. It shows that sometimes looks can really deceive. o.O I really look down on ppl who backstab their frenz. Frenz to me, is smtg important. The girl over there doesn't deserve any. *huff*

A Failure - Again?

I felt like puking. Serious. Must be becoz I was too anxious coz sum1 results will be out soon. And I knew deep down that I didn't do well.

And yes, it turned out to be true. When I tore open the small white result slip, the image of that B- was fiercly imprinted upon my eyes. Altho I knew that was to be expected, I still badly didn't want it to be true. :'( But alas, it was.

Yes, for those who dunno, that is a failure if you're a medical student in Imu. Minimum passing park is 65!! *Arggh* And I missed by just a bit. No more dean's list for me, but not that I was exactly that sort of material anyway. -_-

The exam wasn't really that hard. A lot of ppl aced it. And me? *sigh*

I was really upset yesterday. Felt hopeless, disappointed, angry with myself. I felt that I've let my parents down, badly. I've disappointed their hopes in me. Just wonder what I've been doing the past few weeks. What am I living for?? Coz to tell the truth, I didn't exactly feel like myself since I started sem2. Felt really lethargic often, was demotivated and lazy. No mood to study... *sigh* Nothing seems to be going right in my life now...

But now, I feel different. I seemed to have found my motivation to study once again!! :D Naturally, my self-esteem is at an all-time low but I'll try my best to prove to myself that I'm not stupid and that I can do it!!!

[Well, if I fail again, I guess its time to consider whether med sch is my cup of tea after all... but not good to think of that now...]

I think some things in life depends on how much effort you put in them. You want to do well, you better work your ass off! Or not, don't even think that you can get away with half the effort of others... It depends on how much you wants it. Yeah...

So I guess it's time for a re-evaluation of the priorities in my life. And I need to think abt some aspects of my lifestyle that has been making me feel unlike the old me. For example, my messed-up sleep is a main factor that cause me to feel lethargic often, which leads to me unable to concentrate in my studies, thus causing me to do badly etc. So I really think I need to be more disciplined in my life.

Anyway, I guess it's how I look at it. If I want to mope about, be sulky, the only one who's going to suffer is me. If I be more optimistic, and take it as a lesson, I guess I'll be able to find my way again. *was feeling lost then*

It's not when you fall that you disappoint yourself most.

It's when you didn't pick yourself up.

Zzzyun the great will reign supreme again someday. Hehe. Okay, I guess the low self-esteem problem isn't exactly a big problem now, eh? lol.

*walks away in deep thought*

PS: Btw, I passed my cpr resit ade~! Actually, everyone who went for the resit passed lah. Thank god I did smtg right (even tho it was the 2nd time around)...