A Failure - Again?

I felt like puking. Serious. Must be becoz I was too anxious coz sum1 results will be out soon. And I knew deep down that I didn't do well.

And yes, it turned out to be true. When I tore open the small white result slip, the image of that B- was fiercly imprinted upon my eyes. Altho I knew that was to be expected, I still badly didn't want it to be true. :'( But alas, it was.

Yes, for those who dunno, that is a failure if you're a medical student in Imu. Minimum passing park is 65!! *Arggh* And I missed by just a bit. No more dean's list for me, but not that I was exactly that sort of material anyway. -_-

The exam wasn't really that hard. A lot of ppl aced it. And me? *sigh*

I was really upset yesterday. Felt hopeless, disappointed, angry with myself. I felt that I've let my parents down, badly. I've disappointed their hopes in me. Just wonder what I've been doing the past few weeks. What am I living for?? Coz to tell the truth, I didn't exactly feel like myself since I started sem2. Felt really lethargic often, was demotivated and lazy. No mood to study... *sigh* Nothing seems to be going right in my life now...

But now, I feel different. I seemed to have found my motivation to study once again!! :D Naturally, my self-esteem is at an all-time low but I'll try my best to prove to myself that I'm not stupid and that I can do it!!!

[Well, if I fail again, I guess its time to consider whether med sch is my cup of tea after all... but not good to think of that now...]

I think some things in life depends on how much effort you put in them. You want to do well, you better work your ass off! Or not, don't even think that you can get away with half the effort of others... It depends on how much you wants it. Yeah...

So I guess it's time for a re-evaluation of the priorities in my life. And I need to think abt some aspects of my lifestyle that has been making me feel unlike the old me. For example, my messed-up sleep is a main factor that cause me to feel lethargic often, which leads to me unable to concentrate in my studies, thus causing me to do badly etc. So I really think I need to be more disciplined in my life.

Anyway, I guess it's how I look at it. If I want to mope about, be sulky, the only one who's going to suffer is me. If I be more optimistic, and take it as a lesson, I guess I'll be able to find my way again. *was feeling lost then*

It's not when you fall that you disappoint yourself most.

It's when you didn't pick yourself up.

Zzzyun the great will reign supreme again someday. Hehe. Okay, I guess the low self-esteem problem isn't exactly a big problem now, eh? lol.

*walks away in deep thought*

PS: Btw, I passed my cpr resit ade~! Actually, everyone who went for the resit passed lah. Thank god I did smtg right (even tho it was the 2nd time around)...