Saturday, April 28, 2007

Angel vs Demon(s)

Wrestling with inner demons is never an easy task. Not one that can be vanquished in the snap of fingers. It takes time.. long perseverance. An aspect that I still haven't been able to happily brag that I acquire.

Anyway, here's the scoop of the year week. The fault that I had accused others of having in this post, only the other day, I was enlightened to that fact that I am guilty of the very same thing myself. I'm sucha hypocrite, ain't I?

Yeah, apparently, I'm quite a scrawny whiner myself in my very own way. Well, I've always been one to do things different from the herd, huh? Anyway, what she say is true, come to think of it, (although the sudden frankness of it practically took my breath away, I was stunned for quite sometime).

This has suddenly reminded me of some books that I read in my childhood. Some of you might have rmb reading stories of "Elizabeth - The Naughtiest Girl in The School" by Enid Blyton. She was a headstrong girl, but at one part, she was enlightened to the fact that it takes courage to admit one is wrong, and it takes lots of determination to change for the better.

Well, thinking back, what she say is very true. [yes, I really appreciate your honesty, only a true fren would tell you when you're wrong, right? Thanks.] Funny how the morals of a childhood tale can come back to haunt us, eh?

Well, I do have the courage to admit I'm wrong. I wonder if I have the determination to change? That remains to see.

However, it still is hard at times. Suddenly, you feel a bit more ALONE in this lonely world, when before this, you thought you could alwix count on good frenz to be your moral-cheerleading squad in dark times. (those who still have the luxury to depend on your parents, enjoy it for as long as it lasts, maybe you'll understand more then)

Sometimes, I wonder. Who can I turn to? Someone that won't think that I'm just some troublesome person who whines a lot abt stupid stuff. *looks around and sees no one* [btw I'm definitely allowed to whine on my blog, coz no one put a gun to your head and force you to read okay]

I need someone that I can talk to without any restraint. Just totally baring my soul. Who is that angel that can lend me his/her shoulder to cry upon? *Sigh*

I can see that it's not gonna be easy, in fact, more like an uphill marching task. SOS signals seemed to be emitting from my brain, I dunno why.

Well, as another fren said, we all wish to be someone that brings life and smiles to others, but by being a whiner, I'm doing the exact opposite. I'll be sucking the life out of others. And do more of that, and people will start avoiding you like the plague. yeah.

Alright, I dunno what to write anymore. The rest I'll just leave it to ferment in my scrawny shrivelling brain. Besides, if I start whining too much in my blog, I just might scare my readers away, huh?

Whatever.

10 comments:

k0k s3n w4i said...

Hey, I liked that "Naughtiest Girl" series... and all her boarding skul novels as well!...

Jus write whtever u like, girl. People wants to know the blogger behind the blog

Zzzyun said...

oh i found someone that likes enid blyton too! yesh i like her other boarding sch novels too. devoured many of them like a hungry vulture when i was young. hehe, funny analogy. btw i tot only it'd would appeal to girls. lol.

write whatever i like? so far that is still okay. but in my personal life, sadly i can't become what i want. sigh.

AiLing said...

I loved Enid Blyton books too when I was younger!!

Zzzyun said...

haha great tat u liked her books as well.

hmm wonder why this emo post turned into a discussion of enid blyton's books. lol.

AiLing said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AiLing said...

Zi Yun,
Although we don't see each other often, and this might sound a bit weird- but
You can always drop me a line or something if you need to talk. I'll be willing to listen! :)

Jens said...

prob we just have to u noe, view the world from the outside looking in...
there are times we feel alone, sad, hurt, feeling there's no one to turn to...
sometimes after a long day, i felt the exact same way as you do...
perhaps it's just a fon call from someone whom u want to hear from but ur fon is not ringning...
or perhaps it's just 3 words 'how's ur day?' that can open ur heart and pour whatever things that u wanna pour out..
but in the end when it's all said and done, it's still left to us in our hearts whether we can still feel how alone is alone and whether can we continue our life being alone.. that one is entirely up to u then...
but do u wanna be alone? i guess we all till one day feel sick in being alone anymore...
-jens-

Zzzyun said...

ailing> thks for the offer! its very sweet of you. so far i've been able to cope, but if i ever need someone to talk to, i'll keep you in mind. ^v^

jens> view the world from outside, huh? then i prob wud be laughing at myself for being emo over this stuff. lol.

but true, sometimes at difficult times, we just need that someone (anybody actually) to care abt us. keeping this in mind, i'll try to help others in need... =) but not very different from what i've been doing before. hehe.

alone? i dont wanna be alone of coz..but sometimes these things are forced upon us... sigh.

fun fun ^_^ said...

Hey gal...

It's very true that all of us longed to bear our true self in front of someone, instead of bottling up our frustrations and unhappiness inside coz it'll make us go mad!! WE need that, coz God made us to be in COMMUNITY, not alone... He could have just make Adam and that's it, but no, he made Eve as well to be his companion... This is the very basis of community, of sharing one's life with a life partner...

So it make sense that we humans, even after many many centuries and milleniums from the timeof Creation, we still wanna be in community... I hope this enlightens you a bit on the being alone part... On why we feel lonely if we cannot share our deepest heart and soul with someone...

But then, it doesn't mean that we just blab our unhappiness over every single thing to that person. Being in a community means you're supposed to build each other up, not the other way round. A smile, a joke, a happy spirit brings life to community... Imagine a husband who, after whole day of hard work outside, comes home to his whining wife about the house, children etc... I'm sure you'll agree with me after sometime her husband will not feel like going home.

SO what's the line btw letting one's heart and soul down in front of someone, and keeping it inside just becoz you dun wanna trouble him/her more with your own burden?? It's all about balance... It's what GROWING is all about. I once shared in cg that I've been letting other people carry my burden all this while, and now it's time I learn how to carry other ppl's burden... I learn to grow to be more mature and more independent...

No, it's never gonna be easy. But that's all part of growing as well!! Trying to face obtacles while growing is crucial to the GROWING process as well...

Don't be discouraged. Be sure that I'm always there to walk this tough road with you, just as I'm learning to do this too. Most importantly, be sure that God watches over all of us, coz ALL of us are His children no matter what...

OK I shall stop now coz I'm flooding this tag.. I need a therapy on how to nag less.. Heheh..

Zzzyun said...

wow. o.O That is one long comment, i think its my longest ever! haha.

anyway thks first. u managed to answer my Q on why do we feel lonely when we can't share our deepest inner self with others. i get it now.

well what u say is true abt the balance thingy. i guess thru growing up, we find how to strike the perfect balance btw sharing and giving life. it's time to change and learn! ^^

as u said, it's not an easy road. but the fact that u said u'll be there to tread it with me has made my heart so much lighter! =) together, we will learn!

last but not least, really thks for being there for me while i was emo-ing. and of coz, thks for this super long comment! haha