Those Shoes

I've finally found a way to motivate myself to not procrastinate so much and at least study a bit this hols. Guess what it is?

Having accidentally stumble upon this page showing a list of Malaysian doctors who blog and being kaypo curious as usual, I started reading a few.

These doctors are my inspiration to keep on reading. You never know when that tiny nugget of information is gonna save someone's life.

Here are some of the recommended reads that I'm hooked on to.

• Life of Medicine & Magic (by Darren - our imu senior - he can do magic too!)
• Lost Sheep (by Lost Sheep? - an oncologist in a foreign land - writes beautifully)
• Between Life & Death (by Dr. Frappucino - he writes in an on-the-job sort of way)
• Life's Like This (unnamed - our imu senior too!)
• SubDereality (by SubDereality?)
• A Mizdiagnosis (by Sha - also an imu senior - wow so many ppl from my uni blogs!)

And boy, their posts about life in medicine really did opened up my eyes.

Resuscitating patients umpteen times a night, patients seizing or going into cardiac arrest left and right, emergency caesereans, oncology patients who are just way too young to die...and lots more.

I hungrily read on, devouring them as though as I'd been starved for days - the cases were heartwrenching, touching, even at times funny, but they were all real.

They had left a profound impact on me, giving me real insight into life as a doctor.

Who knows the immense fatigue from working 36 hours straight, the rush of adrenaline of attending to cases all popping up demanding your immediate attention, the fear of not knowing what to do for a patient dying right before your eyes... except those who had been in those very shoes themselves.

Shoes that I probably would be wearing in a few years' time, with a little luck and lots of hard work, tears and sweat.

Can one not help but feel a little scared?

Am I up to the responsibility? Do I even have the ability to do all that?

I pray that my next few years in medical school will serve me well so that I would be able to do all that and maybe more.

For me, but even more for my future patients.