Sunday, December 21, 2008

For Myself

Countdown: 29 days left - am wishing that the hands of the clock will go a bit faster..

I've been thinking of what to write here. There are a lot of emotions I would like to pen here, but alas this blog is too public and god knows who is reading.

How often do you find yourself forming perfectly beautiful sentences in your head, revising them again and again to get that perfect effect you wanted - only to realise that actually writing those down would be too much of a giveaway of your true feelings to the whole wide world.

Recently, I had come to realise, there are certain things no matter how hard you try to change the outcome - you won't be able to get what you want. No matter how you try your best to please that person, it will never ever happen. Coz all these are out of our control. The outcome has been determined since birth.

Sometimes when I look at what others have, the simple pleasures they take granted for - and I envy them - for being lucky enough to not know how it feels to not have those.

Being the silly girl I am, I predict that I will probably struggle with these issues again in the not-so-distant-future. But till then, I pray for a reflective serene mindset as I get things going. Maybe by then, I would find it in me to be able to forgive, I am afraid I won't be able to go so far as forgetting though.

The only thing that I am thankful for is that all my hard work till now had not gone to waste. I will be able to use it to weave potential futures.

And the only thing I am sure of is that - this time around - I will be doing it for myself.

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