Sweeping The Dust Off

This topic has been discussed to death but I shall plod on with my own interpretation of the subject.

Friends. Your second family after your real family. The closest people that you will come to depend upon, especially when you're a few hundred km/miles from your real family. Those who have been thru this will certainly nod their heads in ackowledgement.

I really really admire and envy those who have been good frenz since childhood/primary school/high school till now. Somehow gives a real meaning to the phrase "Frenz Forever" don't you think? =) I could never boast of that, since my frenz and I were often separated thru a series of rather unfortunate events after finally bonding and becoming comfy with each other.

Hereforth, I shall remisnice abt my personal friendship history, so to speak. [but of coz, no names ya]

Primary School:

That is kinda blury. (hey, my memory ain't that good already to start in the first place, right?) But I definitely remember that from most of my "best friends" that I made were sent to a different class every next year. And that was how our friendship wiltered. Maybe we're just too young.

In standard 5, I met you. You were different, but not in a good way. You taught me how to be mean, and I followed you around. My excuse was that I was impressionable? -_- Luckily in standard 6, I'd finally seen you with my real eyes. And in the end, I became good frenz with the person that you dissed for no reason. (I shall name her as Fruity) Ironic, isn't it? Well, we make our mistakes. *shrugs*

High School:

I tot I could continue being good frens with you, Fruity. However, you became a school prefect (one of the much hated groups! o.O) and I was a self-proclaimed rebel. And the distance btw us grew wider and wider. Saddened, somehow I met another bunch of frenz. They were smart and witty. So we became good frenz from then on.

However, smtg bad happened during the 3rd year. Another person invaded our space and things were never the same again, however hard we tried to breach the gap. (complete story here and here) That was one of the crucial turning points in my life. I was really hurt that time, and kept everything inside till I almost wanna "explode" emotionally . After cooling down, I told myself that I'm never hurting myself that way again and swore that I'll just tell everybody whatever was on my mind. No more bottling up...! [experiences do shape what we become in a way] So maybe you peeps might understand a little more abt why I turned out to be who I am today = someone that is too outspoken for her own good.

Anyway, continue the story. My grades plunked significantly then (and I'd like to blame it on that incident but, who knows...) and I was sent back one class. A class with people that were very foreign to me. But my disappointment turned to happiness when I met another group of frenz that brought me lots of joy. Those days were really good happy days. I miss those days, although they were short-lived. :D

In the fifth year, I was sent back to the first class coz I've managed to pull back my grades. I finally got what I wanted, but I really miss those frenz. We tried our best to remain tight as a gang, but our efforts were nothing but a futile fight put against fate. We plan outings and hang outs... it was something out of a feeling that was fast fading, but better than nothing. Till this day, we do keep in contact now and then. So I'm still glad. ^v^

Fifth year in the original class? I was more distant I guess. Didn't really want anything dramatic with that other group. Guess I was just emotionally tired. Nothing really special. The tightness of that special old bond was sought after but could never be returned, although we did tried. But at least we do remain in irregular contact till now. I'm happy that they are doing well. =)

Tuition Centres:

Fourth year in high school was the first time I went to a tuition centre (before this all were private small classes) I'd like to say that it was Fate that brought us together. We just became fast frenz... a gang of us that studied together during classes, ate fries with mayonaisse and talked crap during breaks. Really really miss those happy times. It was great fun! *eyes turned glassy with memories* I met one good fren there and most of us still keep in touch nowadays. Though I feel that what we're doing now is still not enough. We must add oil in keeping this bond intact! I really treasure it~!! ^o^

College:

A year of new discoveries. The same curse striked and a good fren that I became close with left the college not long after. But we still keep in contact and she gives me good advice now and then. She's really different and do things her own way, and I admire her for that. =) After her departure, it was more like downhill all the way. It was the first time I kena backstabbed by someone I tot was a fren, but I shall not talk more abt that. (complete story here) It really opened my eyes to the ways of the world. Who can blame me if I'm a little cynical? Been there, done that.

University (still in the making):

I guess in the end, naive me was still hoping that I could experience true friendship in its purest form. Maybe I had, I dunno. Maybe I will come to a conclusion in the future. Anyway, [I dunno how many of you'd be reading this] but I wanna say I'm very happy to have the luck to meet you guys here (both girl and guy gang) and I really appreciate the times we have together. Of coz, since most of us stay in Vista, of coz, we would spend more time together compared to normal frenz. It wasn't all happy joyful times, but hey, sad times and conflicts do strengthen the bond, don't they? ^o^

We basically do almost everything together. We study, gossip, eat, chill, talk crap, hang out together. That's what I meant earlier when I said friends are like your second family. yeah. Anyway, most of us would be parting ways slightly more than a year later - thinking of this bring tears to my eyes - but it's smtg that is inevitable.

But at least we had some fun times, didn't we? Well, let's hope that we will use the time left wisely and treasure it for a loooong time to come. Cheers!

Smtg tells me that after uni life, real friendship is smtg hard to come by again, especially among colleagues. Maybe I'll discuss that in a later post. I didn't want to believe this (see? naive!), but this is what others told me.

Right, so far my story is up till now. The future is up to us to weave! (^v^)v

= Life life so there are no regrets! =

Angel vs Demon(s)

Wrestling with inner demons is never an easy task. Not one that can be vanquished in the snap of fingers. It takes time.. long perseverance. An aspect that I still haven't been able to happily brag that I acquire.

Anyway, here's the scoop of the year week. The fault that I had accused others of having in this post, only the other day, I was enlightened to that fact that I am guilty of the very same thing myself. I'm sucha hypocrite, ain't I?

Yeah, apparently, I'm quite a scrawny whiner myself in my very own way. Well, I've always been one to do things different from the herd, huh? Anyway, what she say is true, come to think of it, (although the sudden frankness of it practically took my breath away, I was stunned for quite sometime).

This has suddenly reminded me of some books that I read in my childhood. Some of you might have rmb reading stories of "Elizabeth - The Naughtiest Girl in The School" by Enid Blyton. She was a headstrong girl, but at one part, she was enlightened to the fact that it takes courage to admit one is wrong, and it takes lots of determination to change for the better.

Well, thinking back, what she say is very true. [yes, I really appreciate your honesty, only a true fren would tell you when you're wrong, right? Thanks.] Funny how the morals of a childhood tale can come back to haunt us, eh?

Well, I do have the courage to admit I'm wrong. I wonder if I have the determination to change? That remains to see.

However, it still is hard at times. Suddenly, you feel a bit more ALONE in this lonely world, when before this, you thought you could alwix count on good frenz to be your moral-cheerleading squad in dark times. (those who still have the luxury to depend on your parents, enjoy it for as long as it lasts, maybe you'll understand more then)

Sometimes, I wonder. Who can I turn to? Someone that won't think that I'm just some troublesome person who whines a lot abt stupid stuff. *looks around and sees no one* [btw I'm definitely allowed to whine on my blog, coz no one put a gun to your head and force you to read okay]

I need someone that I can talk to without any restraint. Just totally baring my soul. Who is that angel that can lend me his/her shoulder to cry upon? *Sigh*

I can see that it's not gonna be easy, in fact, more like an uphill marching task. SOS signals seemed to be emitting from my brain, I dunno why.

Well, as another fren said, we all wish to be someone that brings life and smiles to others, but by being a whiner, I'm doing the exact opposite. I'll be sucking the life out of others. And do more of that, and people will start avoiding you like the plague. yeah.

Alright, I dunno what to write anymore. The rest I'll just leave it to ferment in my scrawny shrivelling brain. Besides, if I start whining too much in my blog, I just might scare my readers away, huh?

Whatever.

Keeping Up The Pleasing Facade

Sometimes, I wonder how do people find the energy and the will to try to please others and feed their egos by saying nice sweet nothings [which they don't mean at all] almost every single minute of the day.

I can't. I just can't find it in me to purposely please others, especially when you yourself might be burning with anger and indignation inside. I have always firmly believed that one shld be true to one ownself. Today was the first day someone told me straight to my face that she likes the fact I'm very true to myself AND meant it as a compliment. Before this, it was always "I really like you that you're very straightforward and true to yourself. But maybe you shld change a bit, as it might be not advantageous to you in the future."

It's true. Maybe it's my biggest flaw, the fact that I'm extremely crippled in hiding my own emotions, which have been going thru a maelstrom lately. Which a lot can said to be due to undue stress.

Yes, I get easily stressed up over the smallest silliest things. And a lot of the time, it's out of concern and worrying for others. But no, I don't think they know or appreciate it. Instead, they might think that I'm just an oversensitive bitchy fool who complains and whines a lot over the tiniest stuff. Can anyone teach me how to be indifferent and not care so much? It's hurting me and people around me.

I'm feeling lost now. It doesn't take much to make me happy and forget my troubles. But it also doesn't take much to take it all away and watch the rocks come crashing down. That's how I am made. But this time, it might be that the sky is the one that is falling down. And no, I'm not a character in a Chicken Little bedtime tale.

It's not healthy. But it's not easy to change. You are not me, so you probably won't understand. And will just dismiss this post as just an "emo post" which in the end, very well might just be that.

But can anyone tell me please, how in the world, do you go on and on keeping up this facade of cheery pleasing faces to others? How do you keep yourself emotionally distant from others? And when is it that you are truly you and no one else?

Try as I may, sometimes I just can't go on. Then I'll say hurtful things I don't mean and know very well that I shouldn't say them, but still, my mouth has a mind of its own and... I say them. Or my change in sentiments and emotions are reflected a tad too clearly on my face even when I know very well I shouldn't. I just lack the urge or ability to go on showing this cheery happy facade, do you understand? I really can't.

I really dunno. No one really seems to understand. I give them credit for at least trying, but I don't think they do understand. If they do, they wouldn't be so afraid that they might say the wrong thing and get me all worked up. They don't understand. I try to do good, but no, it is just not working. But then I can't expect a perfect world where everybody is a great noble utilitarian, can I? Silly naive me.

My blog - I love it a lot. It's the only place where I can express my thoughts. (although recently there has been some conflict regarding that too, but I'm not going there *extracts self from dangerous territory*)

I shouldn't be emo-ing my time away. Time is precious now. Let's hope the world will become a little more brighter tomorrow.

A Knock On The Head

Busy, hectic, crazy, tiring. Countless words that can be used to describe what my life feels right now. Dunno why, but I've been feeling kinda tired coupled with weird throbbing headaches recently.

I'd like to attest that it is due to silly clumsy me accidentally knocking my head really forcefully on the upper bunker of my double decker bed on monday that has been causing all this. *bump slowly appears* =( But who knows, it might psychosomatic after all. (meaning it's all in the mind) But it has caused me to feel irritable, aggitated, dull and fatigued. I'm wondering if the knock cud have been so forceful that there's internal bleeding/clot? Omg.

Just came back from CSU just now. And I cudn't concentrate well at all. I dunno if it's becoz of this or due to the lack of sleep [which cud also be caused by the former as well]. Even the doctor asked "why I looked so dull". I think I probably looked like a black cloud was hanging over my head or smtg. *sigh*

Anyway, probably shld be resting I guess. Too many things happenning at such a fast rate. [CSUs, PBLs, lectures, studying!] My eyes looked like it's drooping (partial ptosis - gasp, Horner's Syndrome!!) At any rate, I think I can safely say I do have Medical Students' Syndrome, lol.

Alright, gonna rest for a while first... toodles!

The PBL

Sorry for the "irregularly irregular" in updates recently. (for those not in the know, that phrase is used to describe pulses!) Well, a med student's life is never that free, ain't it? Been busy as a bee lately. Not to mention s.t.r.e.s.s.! *starts pulling hair tradition*

Wondering why? yesh, I know, our exam just finished last friday too. Well, the obvious wud be pointing fingers towards my first PBL 2 in GI... with none other than Htin Aung as a fasci!! *gasps*

To be truthful, it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. But then I have been told that I've a vivid imagination that I tend to use towards pessimism. Anyway, although it wasn't that bad, it wasn't that good either, but it could have been worse. (getting confused? Let's just say I rate it as moderate, but I definitely could do with some improvement.)

Anyway, I was really uber stressed the night before, been preparing for this for quite a few nights. So stressed out that my normally nice smooth face was suddenly invaded by a few acute-onset pimples! Ish. I know, silly me. Well, at least now I know a considerable lot abt esophageal diseases now! lol.

Alright, I confess, I did a solid good preparation for almost everything except anatomy. Was alsolutely stressed out that I was like "to hell with the anatomy of the pharnyx, tongue and mouth"! I figured that I'd know enough to cheat my way by.

Alas, it was not to be. Apparently a lot of that knowledge had somehow trickled out of my dumb brain. And as I'd NOT have it, I was quite unfortunately chosen to present the anatomy of the pharynx to the group (which coincidentally consist of two PBL group that were merged, totalling to more than 20 ppl!). And presenting something that I'm not very sure of to so many ppl was definitely not an appealing idea. No way.

And I didn't have the presence of mind to keep my composure. I'm pretty sure that I was visibly-as-humanly-possible-nervous. (well, public speaking ain't my strong point, so cut me some slack here!) I'd have been better if I'd known the subject. Anyway, thks a bunch to Dejun for lending me his notes, real life-saver! Arigato!! ^o^

Anyway, thks to my nervousness, I had to confuse btw oropharnyx and nasopharnyx. -_-" Everyone probably think I'm a fool by now. yeah. Okay, I'm just exaggerating but stillll...

I think Htin Aung let me off coz he saw how nervous I was. I know that's pathetic of me.. but what to do. I promise myself I'll work myself even harder, next time! Anyway, I think I managed to redeem myself a little bit by venturing answers here and then & managing to answer the one question he threw at me alone. Due to my suggestion that myaesthenia gravis can cause dysphagia in the first PBL. Thank god I was able to answer that one coherently enough. I probably managed to convince him that at least I wasn't an idiot. Or have the intelligence of a low-life amoeba. Riiight.

Besides, he sure was more strict with some of my other group members. Kelian. Hope next time will be better ya! Smilez! =)

After poking fun at myself for the heck of it (it's essential to maintain a sense of humour to keep oneself sane, you know), I declare that PBL for once was really informative. Learnt loads from him. Well, at least he's intimidating enough to force me to down tons of info in preparation for PBL. yeah. I foresee a crazy 6 weeks with him. I'd survived the first, that leaves another 5 weeks. [so do pardon me if there are less updates within this period okay]

Anyway, I'll try to do a better preparation for the next few helluva weeks, and yesh, not excluding anatomy. Everythang.

As he'd always say: "Would you let me treat your mother (or insert any close family member you can think of) if I only know 60% of what I know now?"

The correct response was of course a shake of heads.

But truth to be told, what he is saying is true. I'd not want to be a half-past-six doctor if I could help it. Although he have lots of droll interesting stories to tell us of when he were in our shoes, at least he inspired us, or me at the very least, to study and amass more knowledge. *fired up*

PS: Myasthenia Gravis is a disease that affects mainly striated skeletal muscle. So it causes dysphagia (difficulty in swallowing) coz it can affect the upper 1/3 of the esophagus plus upper esophageal sphincter which consists of that sort of muscle.

PPS: Two PBL groups were merged becoz his wife was busy with some uni event. I think they are a funnily cute couple. lol. Btw, his way of doing PBL is that we prepare ALL topics and then he will randomly pick one of us to present. And he gave us so many topics too! (yeah I'm sucha whiner :P)

PPPS: Htin Aung is a great teacher, I'd not give any less praise than that. Can you believe that he read Gray's Anatomy a mind-blowing total of 32 times?! o.O And he has a fren that has read the whole Robbin's an unimaginable total of 37 times! *OMFG*

PPPPS: Went out to destress on thursday night after a crazy three hours of PBL (note: double the normal length). Kee and I went to Sunway to have dinner at Kim Gary (luv it! besides got to use the discount voucher!) and catch Sunshine the movie. The movie was pretty good, I like it, altho it got a bit too gory for my liking at the ending. I might blog abt it sometime. These precious nights out are just too few in btw.

PPPPPS: Am back in penang while typing this post. For less than 48 hours though sadly. Going back tmr morning for more crazy studying! :T Could have had 1 extra day if only the time for PBL could be changed. *sigh* Well, at least I'd sufficiently recharged during this short trip. I slept more than humanly possible imo anyway. There's no place like HOME~! :D

Whiners

Yes. They do exist, somewhere out there.

However, they usually don't present appear so on first impressions. They might even appear to be nice friendly people.

But get to know them a little bit too better, you will soon hear all the whinings that you never tot was possible.

"Aiya, I always don't get to eat the nice parts wan..."

"Where got? The notes always tak sampai me wan..."

"Huh? Yeah meh? You all always never ask me out wan..."

etc etc... *insert other examples of whining here*

There are countless examples which I'm too lazy to conjure up, besides I think they are too ridiculous to complain abt anyway. But apparently not so for that particular subset of people.

If you ask me, there are some things which you just hvta take the intiative to do it yourself. You can't expect things to be handed to you on a silver platter. Seriously. -_-"

Remember this, although people ARE your frenz, it doesn't mean that they MUST attend to your every whim okay. Open your mouth, walk over, approach someone and ask. Doesn't cost a penny, doesn't hurt anyone.

And one thing I've noticed (and why am I not surprised *rolls eyes*), they seemed to have a selective memory too. Or maybe it's a propensity to exaggerate things a tad too much for my liking.

There are many instances where I definitely did take the intiative to give them the prized part of whichever delicacy; to purposely walk over and hand them the notes etc... Which they have oh-so-conveniently push that fact out of their minds when they start their whining sessions. Saying that EVERY freaking TIME people "always" leave them out.

Puh-lease. -_-"

Okay, I won't be so high and mighty to think that I'm below such a fault. I do whine sometimes. But I think I do save it for purposeful reasons. And not those I'm-so-pityful-people-always-bully-me sort of thing. No, thank you. That is sooo not my thang. (erm.. think american black accent, lol)

Come to think of it, this post is whining abt whiners, ain't it? Ironic... I just might be guilty of what I'm accusing other ppl of doing afterall.

Aih, whatever.

PS: Sometimes I just feel so pissed off. I do not like being used by others. Get this into your thick skull, although I might appear friendly self-sacrificing sometimes (and I can be depending on the situation), I really DO NOT appreciate being used constantly. Pls don't be such a selfish jerk. Frenz do not exist just so you can use them. ARRGH!

What Students Do...

...when they dunno how to answer exam questions. Be prepared to laugh your asses off! =D

(I got this in an email, and tot it was farny enough to be posted up.) Enjoy!

Wahliao... use objective answer sheet to shade out a Mashimaro... Really creative!

The boy probably said: "But all I did was follow the instructions!"

Teacher: "-_- I didn't mean for you to 'expand' the maths question LITERALLY."

lol. The student did the question until cannot do, then progressed to the 'hangman' stage.

Creative usage of mathemathical symbols. =P

Erm, this student didn't answer the question. Instead, wanted to find out the identity of batman using calculus. o.O Creative, nevertheless.

Talk about being finding x 'literally'.

Wonder what the student was thinking when he wrote that...

"The teacher must be blind!"

PS: Congrats to those who won the SRC election! ^o^ I'm glad that most of those who are elected are from M106... Yayz! We rock!

Diamonds Flowers Are A Girl's Best Friend

Hmm, scratch that. Flowers will do nicely too. =) I don't ask for too much, epecially most of us are still students, depending financially on our parents.

Anyway, I promised a long time ago that I'll put pics up of the flowers that my dear dear gave me on Valentine's Day. Finally I've gotten the pics from him and have time to put them up. Do enjoy!

Isn't it lovely?? I just lurve it... <3

The bear bear that came with the flowers is also very kawaii.. *pinches its cheek*

Well, I still have the bear bear with me (of coz!) but the flowers have all wilted. blek. Wanted to press-dry the flowers but it didn't work. I knew I shld have dried the flowers first! Anyway, used my papa Dorlands and Marieb to squish it, sadly, in the end, the juice just ran out and dirtied my book. -_-

Nevermind, I'll know what to do next time. Well, depending on whether there is a next time of coz. (sorry for being pessimistic, but then I'm just preparing myself for all possibilites)

Right. I'm tired out from watching so many tv series and anime. Marathon leh! haha. So gonna take a rest before going swimming later. Hope it doesn't rain. yeap!

Anyway, for the summary on how I spent this year's Valentine's Day, do click here. [but it's old news though] ^v^

Jumping Hurdles - On Not Giving Up

Finally, I've time to sit down, relax and blog a proper post. Both hurdles are over - mock OSCE and haemato exam. *heaves sigh of relief*

I shall talk abt the exam first, coz emotions abt that are overwhelming.

Well, I didn't do well for the exam, despite the relatively larger amount of effort I put in. I did studied hard for it, but guess luck wasn't on my luck this time (unlike during respi). There were quite a few MCQs that I were not sure about, and I changed my answers countless times, but in the end, the wrong answer was chosen. And everyone knows that too many wrong MCQs can totally kill one off, as it's worth 2 marks per Q. I'm SO dead due to this.

Why oh why didn't I study that BS paper? That alone caused me 4 marks. =( And it had to come out Qs that can't be answered using common sense the ONLY time that I didn't read the BS lecture note. Bah.

Why oh why so few Qs abt pharmaco came out!! I think I'd have been able to answer better if they set more Qs on that. I see a general trend now, they like to focus on patho more, and pharmaco less. There were so many drugs against the parasites, but none came out. bleh. Do you know how much effort we students put in to memorise the stupid drug names?! Seriously, I think the paper shld be more balanced leh, pharmaco is important too... What is the point if you can make a diagnosis but can't treat the patient, right? Ish.

SAQs isn't too good either. Got quite a few wrong answers too. Hope the lecturer would accept some of my answers. *prays fervently coz I really need it this time* One thing that I don't like abt my uni's exams is that the way they phrased the Qs are always too vague, there are a lot of times I know the answers, just that I dunno what they want. ARGGH! [shld I start the "tearing hair out" tradition? o.O]

OSPE was generally bad for most ppl (as keeping to the usual tradition, gah). I cud answer a few of the Qs ("tembak" correctly the parasite!) but some of the answers for differential diagnosis is just plain weird. I'll admit that I really dunno. Guess I still hvta study harder!!

So that's the overview on the exam. I really am afraid that I'll fail again. ='( But this time, emotions are different. Last time, I'll admit that I didn't prepare properly for it, so I deserved to fail. But this time, it was the best preparation I had for a paper so far, but look at what happened. Luck really does play a role.

Sometimes I really wonder what the hell am I studying for. What is the use of studying, when the results don't match the effort put in? Don't you feel it, when your brain is oversaturated with too many facts, but you still can't answer the Qs? It's just absolutely, undeniably sad. I mean, what is the point of torturing myself with countless hours of studying? Sometimes I feel really super sien of studying. Have almost come to a point that I'm starting to become desensitized to exams...

Anyway, this is another wake up call I guess. Maybe the way I'm studying is not suitable. Might try to change a bit, thks for the suggestions, frenz. =) But this wake up call has given me the much needed oomph to study harder! (have been feeling lots of sien-ness lately) I must do well for GI~! And of coz, after that is the nightmarish EOS3! Prob shld have started preparing by now [shyt!!], really hope that I'll be able to find the motivation to continue on the battle for greatness! Gambate, fellow frenz, together we'll be able to go thru this!

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Okay, finally got that out of my system. Time to blog abt mock OSCE. Hmm, funnily it wasn't as bad as I imagined.

Anyway, for physical examination, peripheral arterial disease and pleural effusion came out. I wasn't really good at the PAD station coz haven't really pratice that. Guess need to relearn that. oh well. Fortunately, I did quite well at the pleural effusion station. The lecturer even praised me! Yayz, all that practice paid off!! ^v^

Well, for history taking, it wasn't that straightforward. Cudn't do a lot of the Qs. sigh. Hvta improve on that... which means learning more. Back to the same old thing abt studying. Aih. (still, learning and studying are two total different things!!) >.<

BS station wasn't that good for me. I got nervous since the BS lecturer is sitting beside, listening. Cudn't concentrate on what the patient is saying, which isn't good. The patient retorted back that she'd had already told me that she has fever with the night sweats when I asked abt whether she had fever. Blek. Well, at least I managed to soothe the "angry" patient down easily, but I think she's more upset then angry. Before this, I'd seen an SP that looked really angry. She was a good actor, didn't even want to shake hands. -_-""

Okay, that's about all. Blogging has always been the best way for me to let up all the pent up emotions inside...

Reminder to self: Search for the fire inside... and keep it burning brightly! Rmb the ideals! Rmb the dreams...!

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Oh ya, one last story b4 I go. Had a weird (bad) dream the night before mock OSCE. I dreamt that I was in the lecture hall with a few ppl. There was a grand piano in front of the hall. Apparently, I was there to sit for the practical piano exam. [wahliao, it has been so long since I sat for piano exam!] I waited impatiently for my turn, I was last, alas.

At that time, batchmates were trickling into the hall for the next lecture. The examiner put pressure on me by saying: "your batchmates are here, so you better do well, okay. Don't embarass yourself."

I gulped, I swear I cud almost feel the sweat dripping off my forehead. like this --> -_-"""""

Anyway, she was supposed to ask me a few Qs before starting. Guess what she asked me?

"What is a malignant lymphoma?" *zha dou* Before I cud answer, she then said: "what is a malignant neoplasm?" I ventured to affirm which Q she was asking, stating that all neoplasms are malignant.

She nodded, a bit like trying to cover up her mistake, while repeating her first Q. [I haven't cover that lecture yet then, but cud answer it due to AIR topic.] She was satisfied with my answer and let me off. Then, it was time to play my piece.

I wasn't really good, so decided to go kinda slow. Well, at least there's the melody, right? lol. (I wonder what song I played in my dream, still can't rmb it...)

Then I woke up, left wondering whether it's a bad omen for mock osce. Coz I've never been a person good at practical exams, always messed up due to nervousness. Luckily, mock osce went okay. So it shows that one shld never generalize things, and that practice makes perfect! *winks*

Alrighty, time to ciao... need some rest! =)

All will be fine one day, as long as we try our best. For the dreams. For the goodness. For the ideals.

The Urge To Be Random

There's this inner urge to blog these days, but somehow I haven't been updating anything really intriguing recently. The urge is probably due to the fact that man is a creature of habit.

If a few days passed without me updating my blog, my fingers will sure twitch and itch. Like now. yesh, I've been updating, but nothing interesting enough for a second read.

Blame it on the exams and studies. It gives me the urge to blog, but drains my inspiration on what to blog abt. My mind is blank, like a white canvas; whenever my hands rest on the keyboard, ready to type out anything, I get "blogger's block". Hmm, sounds funny.

Actually, can you guess that today I've nothing to blog about too? Well, maybe except for the fact that I never really like studying abt parasites/bacteria/virus/fungi. They just don't really interest me, except when they prove they are really smart at evading the human immune system. Now, that is what I call interesting.

trivia: do you know that some parasites (forgot which) are able to shed their outer skin to evade the human immune response that only recognizes the antigens on that original skin? With their new skin, they can swim happily about in your blood circulation while you continue to suffer.

Erm, dunno why I blog abt that. Probably due to desperation to write something, anything. Besides, it's always good to learn some trivia. hehe.

Hmm. I'm out of ideas to talk about. Since I'm not a camwhore, I can't post picture after picture of myself here either to fill up space.

Okay, better not try to length this post out with my crap. I'll sign off here. So many things to do, and so little time! *sigh*

PS: Yerr... Why episode 12 of Heroes cannot be streamed!! Cannot find the torrent for it either... Aih, I wanna know what happens next eh! = suspense =

PPS: Oh ya, I've a theory. I reckon its karma that made me got htin aung for fasci for GI. See, complain so much abt PBL everytime lah, now only know lah. blek. -_-

What I Do Between Notes

I'm so so bored now. I've spent most of the day either "trying valiantly" to study (rbcs, platlets, wbcs and what-nots) or watching movies/anime! I've read all the blogs I usually read. And checked all my usual sites. Oh ya, not to forget, played some o2jam too! Btw, am at level 12 now leh.. hoho.

Can life get any more boring-ier than this? *sigh, looks around and melts into a puddle*

Anyway, been watching Death Note 2 on this website that streams lots of Asian movies and of coz, Heroes! =)

Both are very interesting! And I can't seemed to stop myself from watching. Luckily it takes quite some time for it to stream, so at least there's some time in between to study a bit.

But haemato is kinda confusing. Everything seems to be similar! Oh no... The bone marrow is either hyper-or-hypocellular. Reticulocytosis! Splenomegaly! Target cells! Emperipolesis! -_-"

Erm. Pardon me. Went bonkers just now. Didn't fancy having so many similar conditions thrust down my throat. The more I read, the more I get confused abt which is which. Bleh.

Right, enough of ranting. Again it's back to the notes, and the movies (hehe). Cya!

PS: Emotions have since settled down. It's time I take things into hand. Wish me luck!

PPS: Oh ya, currently on the mend. Shld be in good health in no time! =) Thank god. I tot I was going to cough out my lungs that night. Painful...

PPPS: Btw, I dunno what this post is exactly about. Unless you count me ranting abt how bored I am as smtg worth reading. lol.

Rather Farny

Just tot that some of you guys might need a cheering up like I do. Enjoy the funny icons below!

My fav one is the one with the cigarette. Find it hilarious. hehe.

PS: Life's not as bad as you think it is. Try to cancel the negatives with the positives. yeah. =)

Yesterday Was Not A Good Day

Had blogged half a post last night, but due to a "sudden matter" that was brought to my attention then, the post was left hanging in the air.

And now I'd abandoned it, coz I tot it sounded stupid anyway. Might as well write a brand new post.

Hmm. Had been on hiatus for the last couple of days becoz I'd fallen ill!! Started with a sorethroat on tuesday, which resolved itself with the help of antibiotics, then started having a really bad runny nose on wednesday. (ppl kept asking whether I am okay onot!) Feel abit paiseh that I sneezed so loud so many times during lecture that day! Gomenasai..

That evening, I started feeling feverish and developed a fever after dinner. Can't believe that I slept for more than 12 hours that day! That's really a record. I'm not sure whether the pattern of my fever is intermittent onot. Aikz. And now I've a cough. Why do I always get sick at the wrong times? Due to the "sudden matter" that I mentioned above, I'm now worrying like hell and it definitely isn't good for my sickness. *Arrgh* Just hope that I'll get well soon, coz need to study for next week's OSCE and haemato exam~!! o.O

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Well, probably shld blog abt the "sudden matter" but maybe not today. Don't feel like ranting. Anyway, I'm so sick of the unpredictability of human nature. Sometimes, you wonder if you will ever know someone at all, for who they are and what they think.

Right. I might blog abt that in another post if I feel like it. Now it's time for some problem-based solving!! Not emotional-based solving, as taught in BS. yeah.

So, anyone wanting to rent out a room in block B2 (or knows anyone who do) around August, pls contact me ya. Preferably masterbedroom and almost fully furnished. Price is negotiable. Pls help me out! Thanks very much!

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Oh ya, before I end today's super random post, found out yesterday that the fascilitator for our PBL group for GI is... Htin Aung!!! Omg. *faints* Those that do not know the man in the flesh might wonder, but starting from GI (that's GastroIntestinal, for you), our lives are gonna be such a living hell. PBLs which normally shld take around 1 and a half hours wud be longer... and he wud pick ppl to present certain topics... which is worse than individual or discussion method! o.O

Yesterday wasn't such a good day after all. I really need to rest. Bye.

The Simple Mundane Life

Actually, these few days there's nothing special or interesting to blog abt, except the mundane-what-I-did-today-with-who-and-who. Which hardly interests anybody, with myself as the exception, probably.

Is that how a medical student's life supposed to be? Mundane (insert other synonyms of "boring" that you cud think of) and filled with books? Even our conversation and jokes are littered with medical jargon!! :O I reckon it wud be soon before we start dreaming of ourselves studying! *gasp!*

Don't really have the mood to study these few days. Dunno why. Just feel a bit sien. Which is bad, coz haemato exam is next friday, not to mention my mock OSCE is the day before! omg!! Btw, I feel a wee bit more confident after yesterday's practice, coz got to try out the whole physical examination myself. Oh ya, thks to TeckJian and Leong who were willing SPs. =)

I think I shall stop here now. I don't even have the mood to blog. Aikz. Let's hope smtg interesting happens so I've smtg to share tmr. ^v^

PS: Normally, when we do PBL, we will do the important parts like the pathogenesis rather half-heartedly, haphazardly. Hmm. Half-baked is a good description. But yesterday's one was one of the worst I've ever seen. I'll use the word RAW. yeah. Anyway, didn't feel like doing my usual bit of contributing, coz I was down with a bad sorethroat... so pls excuse me. Bleh, whatever.

PPS: Aikz! Dr. Thani told us yesterday that the AIR topic will not be allocated the 3 marks as rumoured for EOS3. Which is good for other ppl who haven't started, but not so good for me coz I've already spent lots of time on it. The only consolation he cud offer was that it cud come out for EOS3. Right... Well, nvm. At least I learnt a lot abt extra-nodal lymphomas along the way. lol.

PPPS: Yesterday was the annual No Dress Code Day. It was really fun, being able to go to uni in sneakers and jeans. How I miss my comfy jeans, lol. Some ppl really went casual.. A lot of guys came in shorts and t-shirts. Oh ya, smtg different this year is that even CSU and library approved this no dress code thingy. So for once in my life, I was able to walk into CSU with jeans and my hair down!! :D

Between Idealism & Realism

- A Young Doctor Wonders...

Been meaning for some time to share this poem with my frenz who are doing medicine, but kept forgetting. Anyway, this is a poem that I found in one of the medical newsletters sent to my dad. It's really intriguing. And cool~! =) Enjoy!

Five years of hard work gone by

A certificate in my hands lay

Written MD - Doctor of Medicine

My future is marked with distinction

Full of ideals, filled with altruism

To serve mankind of all mannerism

Regardless they be old or young

Rich and poor, weak or strong

I start work filled with enthusiasm

I start work with a heart of absolutism

Putting a smile, lending a hand

I shall serve my utmost above band

Alas, the sick I cared for did not get better

They just got worse, downhill rather

The well and healthy came by to chutzpah

A stepping stone to shy from the work path

My mind is boggled, what the dickens!

My heart is disturbed, my conscience stricken

I wanted to be strong and firm

I pray for a guiding hand to reaffirm

The Joneses to keep up with I detest

They are nothing but thorns in the flesh

Relatives wanting MCs and free medication

How to tell them No! No! No! and No!

Write the worst report, the patient said out loud

I need that for a better insurance pay out

Honesty, truthfulness - do they exist at all?

Perhaps they are lonely words after all

Nice, isn't it? The poem I mean. The future predicted in it isn't that nice. Aikz. Thought it was really relevant. Hope you guys like it~! Time to chao... Tataz!

PS: Blood bank visit this morning was super boring! And the lady who gave us that "lecture" was really condenscending. (for eg. she asked us: "Do you know what is DNA?" even when she knew we were med students. It's in the tone.) Bah.

M107 Orientation Pics

Right. Here are some of the random photos that I promised that I'll put up some time ago. All these are abt M107 orientation. Some of these are leeched from others' blogs (arigatogozaimasu!), some are taken by Kee's phone, whose camera is better than mine.

Okay, hope you guys will enjoy them.

Welcome to the Abyss. How far would you go to survive?

Our banner is nice right? =)

Original sketch prototype for backdrop by Sree.

You'll see how different it became soon.

Voila! This is Batgirl, brought to life, full-sized.

The coloured portion has been added glitter, so it looks super chun!

Yeap, this is Wonder Woman. Same goes for the glittery coloured portions.

She's my fav out of the four. =)

It's not a bird, it's not a plane, it's Supergirl~!

Her miniskirt is so kawaii... took us a long time to do eh.

Character that was added in later. Guess who is it?

Jean grey! Or Dark Phoenix if you prefer.

And in the flesh (so to speak), Dark Phoenix herself~!

They look really similiar to the original ones, right? :)

And TADA~! The whole masterpiece! Isn't it absolutely lovely?

Really thanks to those who helped in making this come true! ^v^

As you can see, I got this from k0k's blog.

A photo of the video of the imccs' introducing their lovely selves. hehe.

Erm, actually that's about all the photos that I've of M107 orientation. Didn't take any of my own coz moi doesn't own a camera! aikz. And yesh, most of it were abt the backdrop, well... becoz I'm really proud of it. So many weeks' of hard work oh... =)

We changed it from the original sketch becoz the original one was too rectangle-ish. We needed smtg wider to match the stage. And we decided to put these four superwomen in in rectangles of black and they themselves wud be black and white mostly, with certain areas highlighted in glitter which denotes who they are... and the backgrounds would be in colour so that they can stand out. Cool, ain't it? I like this concept~! It's unique... ^o^

Right, feel a bit tired now so will go rest! That moutainous pile of clothes took damn long to iron. I think I watched around 5 or 6 episodes of naruto while ironing. bleh. Okie, byez, people!