Sieve

Doing General Practice makes me feel bad for forgetting so many things that I have learnt in the past. :(

Patients coming in with complaints regarding msk problems, skin problems (granted, I have not done dermatology yet), hypertension, mental illness etc problems that I should know a little more about. *sigh*

What happened to the things I learnt? This stupid brain is like a sieve.

I feel like a fraud. :(

PS: I feel I'm unable to get into my aussie med student mode after the mid year holidays. I have gotten too comfortable in my old skin. le sigh.

GP/Opthalmo In Winter

You know it's true blue winter when you type this with ice cold hands. And no, it's nowhere near midnight yet. Weather forecast says the lowest temperature tomorrow will be 1 degree Celcius. Get this: ONE!!! SATU!!! It's going to be warmer in the fridge then. -_-""

Anyway, just finishing the 1st week of GP + Opthalmo, though haven't done anything of the latter yet. Tomorrow will have another GP session then I'm done for the week! The GP surgery I'm allocated is pretty good. (I dunno why they are called surgeries here, seeing that surgeries only happen in hospital, but that's just me.) They have a team of doctors who have schedules of their own working in the same medical centre, and my partner and I are attached to different ones each session.

And the GPs here are so different from the ones in Malaysia. In Malaysia, you don't need a referral to see a specialist while in Aussie, you do. Therefore, the GPs in Aussie see a wider range of cases.

And mental illness here seems more prevalent. So is it that doctors here are better at diagnosing it (or over-diagnosing it?) or Asians just take it better at emotions? To be honest, our general attitude would be to: suck it up! Therefore, more ppl  are able to pull themselves out of depression and resume normal lives? Seriously, I have been thinking about this for sometime, but I don't have the answer. Anyone do?

I find it quite interesting... but I dunno if I have the patience/discipline to listen to all their lengthy woeful stories and reassure and encourage them appropriately. I think I still have sympathy, but it takes more than that to be constantly kind, firm, understanding yet empathetic to these patients. But poor things, it must be really hard to live with a mental illness.

This reminds me why I don't want to do psychiatry. Listening to patients tell you their heart-breaking story once in a while is okay, but everyday is a little too much for me. Don't think I can handle that. Maybe it's not because I'm not empathetic enough, but rather the opposite - too empathetic? Hmm, food for thought.

But anyway, I'm feeling a bit sleepy. Lucky I get to sleep in tomorrow, can hibernate under the blanket to fight the impending 1 degree. ;)

PS: A random thought last night: In places where it snows (meaning temperature is below 0 degrees), how come the water from the tap/toiletbowl doesn't freeze?

Recharged or Lazy?

Sorry for not updating for sucha long time. I'm getting so lazy (with my blogging especially)!

I have been back from my Brisbane trip for 4 days now, and oh no, I have not done anything really productive these few days. :(

Well, the mid year break has been awesome, really recharged me. But now I feel too lazy to do anything. See, blog also lazy lah.

Anyway, classes start tomorrow! *runs off bawling* I don't wantttt!!! :(((

It's back to reality, zzzyun.

@ Brisbane #1

Finally! Some photos to brighten up this blog.

I'm not going to give a blow by blow account of what happened. Have just chosen some photos that I like. The rest are on my facebook. Enjoy!

Some of the cooler quotes in their student lounge.

Me outside their medical school. :P

Ancient microscope

Me with a random huge ball of wool at the city

Interesting architecture of bridge

At the main campus - reminds me of an aqueduct in roman times.

Beautiful lake at their campus - so serene

City hall which houses the main museum

So many clock towers!

Saw this exhibition at the musuem which was titled "Prejudice & Pride".

It was about LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual Transexual relationships)

Found it really interesting.

Woah! ;)

See. You can't assume anything these days.

Rocky

Here I am, writing this post in Brisbane, Day 2 is currently winding to an end.

I must say, I have had a rocky start due to certain reasons. But hey, adversity builds character.

Shall update more next time. Time for some girl talk. ;)

Mid Year Break!

Cliche as it sounds - gosh, how time flies! I felt that the 1st part of this year just flew by and unknowingly, I'm already halfway into 5th year!

And that means: HOLIDAYS! I'm officially on my mid year break of 2 weeks. Just finished paediatrics today and passed up my many reportsss. I'm highly anticipating my Brisbane trip this sunday! We will be going to Gold Coast as well! :D

Nope, I haven't pack my bags yet. Yannie calls that "cool till the end" lol. I promise I'll pack them after this.

Anyhow, I can't believe I've done 2 of the hardest postings this year. Not that GP/Opthalmo and Gen med is easy, but you know what I mean. Both O&G and Paeds is no stroll in the park.

-----------------------------------------------

Oops, wrote that halfway last night, then a friend came over to hang out, so I left that post hanging halfway.

At this point, I have packed most of my stuff. Will add if I think of anything new. I am only bringing 1 carry-on luggage bag though so I only have 7kg. Hope it doesn't go overweight!

I feel so excited! At the prospect of taking a proper holiday. Well, not proper per se, coz I am bringing some notes as well :( but we'll see if I even open them. :P

I can't wait for tomorrow to come!

I think I shall stop crapping here and do some work. So I can rightfully say I earned my holidays. hehe.

Will try to update soon on what's happening in Brissie. :)

Pre-Holiday Week

Aloha! I'm back again and instead of giving excuses for the absence on this blog - all I can say is, for once, I'm not extremely busy. On the contrary, actually. I'm bored. Bored means there is nothing interesting happening or when I do think of something remotely interesting, I don't have a computer with me.

But anyway. After all that crap that I typed in less than a minute or something. Woah, I think I'm in a crapping mood. Better hold in the reins.

Okay, let's try again.

Well, I will be ending with my last week of Paediatrics. Community part of it is not really that great, to be honest. Limited clinical exposure. But anyway, all I have left are a few clinics, 1 lecture and 1 cbl. Radiology tutes have been cancelled. So I think my thursday and friday will be free. What am I going to do with all that time??

Yes, the resounding answer should be STUDY!! But omg, I'm in sucha holiday mood.. anticipating my Brisbane trip! My besties have already planned such an awesome itinerary for me! :D

Okay la. I dunno what to crap already. :( I will try to update when I think of something whimsical or inspiring. Instead of these sporadic boring updates k? ;)

For now, good night all!

Of Faith And Dreams

I've just started watching this show that a friend passed to me. It's called 'Little Nyonya'. It's quite famous so I'm sure a lot of ppl have watched it before.

And I must say, it got me hooked! I really liked it... :) Well, I always have had a soft spot for dramas set in oldern times and women who fight to resist fate and have control over their own destiny. I know it's only a show, but hey there's no harm in using them as your inspiration to work harder.

As I grow older, and the naivety of youth is taken away from me, I had realised that there are some things in life that are fated to be. But no way am I going to take that lying down.

I'm going to do my utmost best to control my own destiny, my future. Call me naive if you will, but deep down inside, I still believe that the dreams I hope for will come true if I work hard enough for them.

Faith. That's the word.

Slogging

Just thought I will pop in and say hi before turning in for the night. Yes, it's kinda late now. But I have been getting quite a good amount of sleep for the past few days, until I find it hard to fall asleep at night! lol. That's a rarity in recent times. Well that's thanks to a relatively free week of community paediatrics!

Anyway, when I'm busy not doing anything, I'm slogging away on my reportssss... Kinda finished at least the gist of the developmental report and the 2nd case report. The former's discussion part was hell to write. Government policies are difficult to talk about. Can't believe I'm saying this but gimme a pico question anyday now.

At the very least, my procastination days for reports are over! *pats self on back* Not much improvement on the studying part though. Must buck up after I fully finish all my reports.

Okay? No more excuses, miss!

PS: Happy birthday, little sis! :) Go celebrate after your exams! haha.

Your Absence

Lying in bed, listening to song after song play in the background while sleep eludes me, I really miss you.

The Reverse

I didn't realise I haven't blogged for so long. okay 1 week isn't that long but still... It's weird, days seem to be swooshing past nowadays. I feel that all I am doing is trying to get from one thing to the next.

In less than 3 weeks' time, it will be time for my long-awaited mid year break! Can't wait for that. Will be going to Brisbane to visit my two best friends and other good friends as well! :D

Anyway, my presentation is over and done with. I thought it went pretty okay on my part, I must be improving on public speaking. I shall not go into a long grandmother's story but suffice to say, it was a tricky and complicated situation. Some of the personal comments made after the presentation didn't sit very well with me, I must admit. Hence the rants on Facebook, which gathered quite a bit of attention actually. I'm lucky to have friends that care about me. :) Don't worry, I am careful to make vague Facebook statuses. Don't want to get thrown out of med school because of something insignificant like that. lol.

However, I just received a message from a friend. Looks like it's gonna be a more drawn out affair due to the fact that someone made an official complaint. Not about me, thank goodness. It's too difficult to explain here without going into specifics. Just that it's interesting to note, the people being complained about are not the ones that upset me.

So now. I'm doing my last 3 weeks of Paediatrics, which is community-based. Nothing too heavy really. Which is a good end to a relatively busy term. All I need to do is attend my rostered clinics and attend the tutes and lectures scheduled - which are not that much now that's nearing the end of term. Oh and yes, the most important thing, finish up on my 3 reports left for Paeds. Hope to get them done relatively soon so I can relax.

I wonder how this week is going to turn out. Can't wait for the weekend. Have 2 dinners lined up this weekend. Time to catch up with friends. :)

Going Through The Motions

I haven't blogged properly for the past few days. Suffice to say, it was a mixture of busy-ness interspered with procastination. Nothing new, eh?

Anyway, this is my last week of Neonates. All I can say is - finally! Phiew. The loooooong ward rounds are giving me severe backache. Yes, at this young age!! Oh wait, I used to have them last time due to lousy lecture hall chairs in uni. Sheesh.

Neonates isn't too bad I guess, just that there is minimal patient interaction, the babies are generally too sick! So yeah. I much rather have active pts that I can interact with.

The days seemed to be flying past though, every morning I feel I am just going through the motions - then suddenly it's night time and I'm ready to sleep, to wake up the next day to repeat the cycle.

Anyhow, after this it will be 3 weeks of Community Paediatrics, before MID-YEAR BREAK! Woohoo! Can't wait for it... hehe. Would be good to get a break from the mundane routine. I will be going to visit Yannie and Funnie in Brisbane for 10 days!! Can't wait! :D

Hmm, what else is new in my boring life?

Well, I have another presentation coming up on thursday. It's on Aboriginal Issues in Child Health. Not the easiest topic I must say, especially for someone like myself who just arrived in Aussie not too long ago. Hope all goes well - but I suspect there will be a lot of unproductive criticism from certain ppl. But let's not go there. I'm sure I'm tough enough to handle something small like that. Upping the EQ, remember? Take that!

I guess that's all for now. Something that I'd noticed is that recently, my blog is getting quite a few visits from ppl that I do not know. Did someone pimp me or something? Where did you guys got to know my blog from? Please do let me know!

Reading a medical student's blog? It's too bad that you guys don't get to hear the actual stories of pts I encountered in the hospital. They would make for good content. There are horror stories, touching stories, interesting stories, funny stories. But alas, due to confidentiality reasons, I don't think I should/am allowed to share them here. Sorry, I dont want to be kicked out of med school! I had worked hard for it!!

But since you guys are still here, I guess you all are happy to hear about a medical student's rants about crazy workloads or her aimless rambles. All I can say is - enjoy! :P

Okay, till the next post, ciao.

Life Cycle

Something interesting to share.

I thought the scenes were interspersed beautifully. Very well thought out.

做人简简单单就好

这是我的朋友blog上写的一些做人的宗旨：我觉得挺不错，所以和大家分享。。

（好久没用华语打字了，哈哈！如有错字，请原谅！）

1. 做人开心就好。（这也是我本身做人的原则。）
2. 看开一点，人生就美丽一点。
3. 看不清楚未必是不好，我可以有多一点的想象空间。（不错，用另一个角度去看同一件事。）　
4. 可以解决的问题就不是问题，不可以解决的问题是事实。事实是要面对，而不是担心。（这个实用！）
5. 明天一定会比今天好，　因为幸福是在我手里。。　
6. 被人笑，　好过笑别人。。　因为我ＥＱ比别人好！（我需要练习这个！）

Future Career, No?

Just for laughs. :P

Fight, Flight Or Fright?

I just realised where the thought of using an umbrella for self-defense (against zombies) in the dream came from.

About a week ago, two friends and I were walking home from a dinner in Fremantle. Just as we were approaching our house, 2 large big black guard dogs and a small dog stood menacingly barking for all their worth outside our neighbour's house. We were a bit wary and approached slowly.

Suddenly, without any provocation whatsoever, one of the big guard dogs rushed straight over barking furiously. We were all frightened out of our wits - torn between running and standing our place. We have all been told that you should never run while a dog runs at you, as that will provoke it into running after you madly. I wonder if it's true.

Anyway, I knew my heart was thumping madly, as though it would twist into an arrhythmia. Palpitations. I could feel the adrenaline abruptly rush into me - I really felt I was ready to fight or run for my life. Although in this case, it would be more apt to say it was a fight, flight or fright mechanism!

The dog ran dangerously near us. I was afraid it was gonna take a big chunk of flesh out of me. I took a few steps backwards and was already pulling on my friend who was in front of me, wanting to urge her to run. Lucky, it stopped near us, still barking ferociously.

In the end, to get back to our house, we had to make a huge round the other way. And mind you, they were still barking at us when we approached from the other end.

And the idea of the umbrella for self-defense came when one of my friends took it out, just in case.

How funny though I have managed to imagine the dogs into zombies in my dream. -_-"

Anyhow, I still think the owner of the dogs should have been a bit more vigilant and not let those dangerous dogs simply out into the neighbourhood.

What if it had bitten us? That would definitely be not fun, at all, thank you very much.

Slow Down

Today was sucha nice day. Not because anything special happened - because it didn't! Haha.

Didn't do much today except went to market for usual weekly groceries, did weekly laundry, made some slides for an upcoming presentation (yes another one! ahhh!), cook and sleep. Sucha simple day yet feels so good to take it easy once in a while. phiew.

Recharging once in a while is needed I think. Or else we will get really burnt out.

We went to San Churios on friday afternoon - we are starting a friday afternoon ritual of hanging out - it does wonders for the stress!

The chocolate shake was lovely! And the Churios were very nice too! But the latter is a bit on the expensive side though.

----------------------------------------------------

I have been having some weird vivid dreams recently.

The last one I had involved zombies taking over the world; and all I had for self protection was a (never ending loaded) gun and an umbrella. How crazy is that??

I think my REM sleep is getting more screwed up when I'm really really tired. First is a bloody accident, then homicide, now zombies?! Oh my gosh.

I need more rest, I think.

Start of Neonates

Apologies but I did not have the mental or physical capacity to blog for the past few days. I must say, it has been a rather busy week.

I am currently doing my subspecialty for Paediatrics, which is Neonates. My previous enthusiasm for Paediatrics was dampened by an unfortunate prolonged encounter with a doctor who did not inspire me much. But that's a story for another day.

The point is: I'm trying to do the bare minimum currently to get me by - unlike in General Paediatrics, which I did my best as the patients were interesting and challenging to learn and manage. Don't get me wrong, Neonates is challenging as well, if not even more so. But to me, it gets a bit stale as all the patients looked similar, although they have come in for many different reasons. It breaks my heart to see all these small little babies so sick.

Anyhow, I think I'll still keep an open option on whether to pursue Paediatrics in the future. It is too early to say! One probably needs more experience to tell what they really like.

This week has been extremely busy with lectures/tutes/assignments/ward work! I have a presentation tomorrow as well. I dislike public speaking but... I think with practice, I will get better. However, it would have been good to get a topic I know a bit more upon. Guess what, I'm talking about myocarditis tomorrow. o.O Just hope it goes well. *fingers crossed*

But I'm so looking forward to a good "rest" (rest is relative for medical students!) this weekend. Falling asleep while studying is becoming a too common occurence! :(

Disrupted

So it's a Sunday afternoon and I'm hiding in my room after a nice bath and lunch of salad. *feels healthy* haha. It's bright outside but I have the blinds down in my comfy relatively dark room.

Was planning to sleep in today after a physically and mentally tiring week. But as you would have it, a neighbour has to mow the lawn/vacuum with some industrial strength machine at half past 10 on a sunday morning. NOT COOL!!

It woke me up and I couldn't really get back to sleep. I seemed to have lost the ability to sleep in. Especially if I'm woken up halfway. Why larrr... Have I gotten used to functioning on less sleep? (that would be handy!) But I would really like to have a good sleep in when I want to. Miss that feeling when you have just woken up from a nice long deep sleep.

Anyway, I had another weird dream. I dunno if you can call it a nightmare. It involved 2 ppl who looked kinda like ppl I know but aren't exactly them. So I was friends with this couple. And somehow one day, the girl went missing. And I found out that the guy has murdered the girlfriend in a fit of rage. Scary-nya... Last time I dream about an accident, now it's homicide!! OMG. And no, I didn't see anything like that on the news this time.

I wonder what are these dreams telling me... There must be something weird floating around in my subconscious...

Okay, I think I just have an overactive brain. How I wish it would use itself for more useful stuff like memorizing the entire list of antibiotics and microorganisms. -___-"

Reflect

I was re-examining myself last night, about my thought and emotional processes. A little reflection once in a while is a healthy thing.

Thanks to the bf who was doing a good job in enlightening me on certain issues. :) I feel that I can tell him almost anything and everything, and he will not judge me for it, but instead give me his thoughts objectively. Thanks, dear!

I realised that I have started out from a good standpoint, with a good intention... but somehow when things did not go my way and I did not receive the things I want, my intentions became skewed.

I felt that I needed to be acknowledged for my effort and work. Which in essence is wrong. It is not a competition. Coz I should be doing these things because I want to. Not because of the compelling feel that I need to.

I should remember the parents who appreciated me being there for them, when their child was sick. Who I sat with, talked to, sympathized with. Who happily thanked me when they were ready to go home. The children who recognized me, who I played with.

Who am I to think all these selfish thoughts? People are selfish essentially, there is no denying it. But you can limit the extent of your selfishness. I should open my heart a little wider.

If there is one good thing to be said about me, it's probably the fact that I often reflect on my own thoughts and emotions... and hopefully change for the better. That's why I'm always trying to live life the best way I know.

EQ

To be honest, this week wasn't that bad. But it somehow seems to be. The fatigue overwhelms.

I don't mind being tired if my effort pays off... but as life would have it, it's often the opposite that happens.

I get frustrated when ppl who do less but get more in return just because they are sweet talkers/good-looking etc. While ppl who work hard gain nothing. It pisses me off. What happened to the "you reap what you sow" philosophy? I really shouldn't be whining about this.

I'm telling myself to look at the good side of things when I have these bouts of bad luck. I'm so much luckier than so many ppl on this earth. One look at the very sick critically ill kids in the wards, and I know I'm just a pathetic whiner.

I think I'm just sensitive at this moment. It must be the hormones talking. (yeah, blame it on the hormones! how convenient!)

Okay. Emotional quotient time: Zzzyun, what you need is to not take things personally but instead, in moderation - and to be at ease with your self if you know you have done your best.

Fleeting

Today is a sunday (understatement of the year, I know) so that means monday is coming tomorrow. :(

Yes, I do look forward to seeing patients and pretending to be a pseudo-doctor sometimes. but hey, I would gladly love a few more days of break... to study.

Omg haha, I sound like a nerd. But too bad lah, this year cannot slack like last year already. Cannot last minute cram everything like last year. Or sure gone case wan, with the immense amount we need to study this year. Brain info overload. It's like when I read B, out goes A from my tiny brain. (microcephaly, anyone? okay sry! enough with the geek jokes *slap*)

Anyway, where was I? yeah. I need more time to breathe... I want to pass this year and go to 6th year smoothly. Coz this year is the hardest according to seniors. After that, should be alright.

I wanted to sleep in this morning. But somehow, I couldn't. Was awakened by someone going to the bathroom a nightmare I had. It was a really weird one though... Medically related, which makes it all the more scary.

Somehow, in the dream, I had suffered some serious internal injury... And I could see myself bleeding from one of the major vessels in the body. The blood was flowing quickly, bright red in colour. And somehow, I was looking down at my body from above - kinda like in those out-of-body-experience sort of stories.

And like how dreams normally are, I woke up suddenly, remembering only the above fragments...

Could it because I saw a report on the news last night abt a 15 yo girl who was in an accident, then was dragged for 80m under the car (the driver was trying to flee the scene! wth) and has sustained massive head injuries and is now in the ICU in PMH? Read more here. I hope she's doing okay. sigh.

Life is fleeting. Savour it when you still can.

PS: Sorry about the sudden depressing morbidity. But you know, life is not all about roses and sunshine.

Paediatrics So Far

Hello! Greetings from a chirpy but rather tired girl. Well, technically I'm starting to wonder how much longer I can still justify use of the word 'girl' *cough*

Anyway, this week has been absolutely great! The nice and willing to teach consultant is back! And I think (think-lah okay) he's quite pleased with my team involvment so far. hehe. So I'm one happy camper as well! :)

Been able to see quite a few patients. And various presentations. Interestingly, Paediatrics is so different than adult medicine because of the social side of things. In Paediatrics, taking a social history is immensely important. Due to  the fact that kids can't really take full care of themselves yet, we as health care professionals have a responsiblity to make sure they are receiving the best quality of life as possible. Not only in the medical sense, but also the care by the family as well.

If there is something dodgy going on (like abuse), we have a duty to set things into motion so that the kids will be able to have the best outcome at the end of the day. It's quite sad to see kids like that though.

Sad things aside, did I mention that the little ones are SOOO cute? omgosh.. haha. Am still not very good at dealing with older kids and teenagers though. Harder to get through. Hmm...

I am quite interested in paediatrics... so who knows, can consider this as a future career pathway! But we will see how things go. Paediatrics is like general medicine for kids; but with the extra challenge of diagnosing things when the patient can't talk or can't describe symptoms well enough yet. And it's not easy to engage a kid or teenager. And the best thing is that anything you do that benefits them will help them in the long-term future.

This is where I can really can see where the science and art of Medicine meets each other. :)

I Wish

This is one of the best 11 minutes of a movie I have ever seen. And showing the power of music alone.

Don't all of us wish for a life like that? If only life was that easy.

Weekends

Weekends are normally a time of rest and leisure for most ppl. Alas, it has turned into a time for me to catch up with studies. :(

And the sad part is - I can't even finish catching up! Why do I study so slow... Need to push myself a bit more. 5th year is uber stressful. I hope 6th year will be better.

But hey, this is the situation I'd put myself into, so gotta finish the race strong. There is no looking back. *grits teeth*

This weekend just totally zipped past. Had a study group session yesterday. And we had to do total house cleaning today coz inspection's on wednesday.

I feel like screaming: "WHERE HAS MY WEEKEND GONE TO??"

First Taste

First clinical week of paediatrics has just passed. Pretty full on since I am attached to a general paediatric team.

Seen quite a few patients but still a bit tentative when it comes to history taking and examination of sick kids though. Not sure how to handle them confidently yet. But hopefully that will come with time. :)

I was pleasantly surprised to see the clown doctors that came to the wards this afternoon. I think they are real doctors who dress up as clowns and try to bring some smiles to the poor kids. And omg, they are good. The kid in my team who apparently didn't like clowns according to his parents, LAUGH out loud at the silly antics of the clown doctors. Amazing stuff.

And I really quite like how they try to make the hospital as kid-friendly as possible. Colourful walls with murals/cartoons etc. And they have someone call a play coordinator. And they are in charge of bringing different sort of toys for the kids of different ages. Love the stuff they have. Apparently can even ask for x-boxs or laptops. Seriously awed.

And did I say how cute the babies are?? Omg. I think I've been influenced by the baby-loving bf!! lol. But it's so nice when the babies smile at you. Or the feeling you get when kids accept you when they were a bit wary initially. I hope I will be able to develop more of these skills of how to talk to kids of different ages.

But there's always a flip side to everything. It makes me really sad to see kids who are really sick and hvta be in and out of hospital all the time. Or who have multiple congenital abnormalities and are suffering. sigh.

Balance the good with the bad. Moderation is the mantra of life.

And I want to try to make life a bit better for those who are suffering; and I hope I will not forget or lose myself along the way, in the years to come.

Quarter Way

Will be starting paediatric teams tomorrow! Can't wait! Hope the kids are looking forward to see me too. haha. Actually, I'm hoping more that the kids won't cry when they see me. :P And maybe that I'll be able to adapt naturally when managing them.

Hope I learn lots!

My to-study-list shows no signs of slowing down. :( Need to get the vroom vroom up.

Welcome to a medical student's life.

PS: Do you guys like this microblogging style? At least I will blog more frequently this way, hopefully.

Breaks Should Be...

...well-deserved. Especially in 5th year.

Anyway.

Guess what guess what!! I have finally booked my flight to Brisbane after much contemplation!! Will definitely need to study hard the next few weeks to make up for that break during mid year!

And I just got back from a mini-break yesterday. We went for a day trip down south to Bunbury/Ferguson Valley. Scenery was beautiful. Didn't do a lot of special things but it was still FUN! :) Pictures are on Facebook, I'm lazy to upload here already haha. You are already lucky to see me blogging, ya know.

Okay time to sleep. Am tired of reading on contraception already. >.<

Imperfect

I'm so glad it's the super long weekend! We don't get many public holidays here in aussie, ya know. 4 free days is precious.

I was just sitting on my desk, thinking just now. Thinking about what I went through last year. The first year thrown into a foreign country wasn't my idea of fun at all. Being alone and yet surrounded by people who looked foreign, talked strangely, and throw you weird looks.

Sounds like an equation for fun? hurhur.

But come this year, everything seems different. It's not like I've totally blended into their community, but at least I'm not the sore thumb out now (well I hope). You could say I'm like a chaemeleon, changing her colours to suit the environment. But inside, she's still the same ol' person.

And why am I talking about myself in the third person suddenly? blek.

-------------------------------------------------

There seems to be a lot to study for in 5th year. So much that it's quite overwhelming!!

It's sad that they all expect medical students/doctors to be this hyper high-functioning person (superman/woman!) that can go to hospital everyday and be kind to pts and yet still do a proper history/examination and come up with a logical diagnosis and management plan. And go back home to study, cook, exercise and do another 1 million things. Don't forget taking care of their family if they already have one.

Wtf is that??? We are human too, okay! :(

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

On a totally unrelated note, I really find it hard to talk to ppl who I can't get along with but still have to due to certain (unrevealable - is that a word?) reasons. I really wanna just throw in the towel and give up.

But I tell myself, Zzzyun, what you need is patience.

Shucks.

Self Advice

More individualism and less soft-heartedness, my dear.

Stay out of things that do not involve you. (people will not thank you for it) It's true that less attachments lead to lesser disappointments and sadness.

Why not do things that you should be doing instead? For instance, studying?

[Enlightened]

Many Roads Diverged In A Yellow Wood

Sometimes, I wish I have the power to see into the future.

But I reckon all I'm going to see are alternate paths leading to different destinations. And I am the one who has to choose which I will walk on.

The Here And Now

I can't believe I'm blogging so sporadically these days. It's not there isn't much going on, there is! But that actually is the thing that hinders me from taking the time to type. haha.

Anyway, the seniors have gone back yesterday. And now everything is back to normal again. le sigh. Am going to miss them lots. *sniffles*

And here I am, on a sunday afternoon, procastinating on completing my o&g stuff by blogging. Tomorrow will be a new rotation again and it's Paediatrics! I wonder if I will like it.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with the amount of work left undone. I think I really have tried my best the last 10 weeks or so but there is just so much to learn in o&g! And I'm trying to write up notes so that it won't be so difficult when it comes to revision. But how I dislike writing so...!

I need a break. Okay technically last week was relatively more slack but still, breaks can never be enough, alright.

Oh and did I mention the horror work stories the new interns regalled us with last week? I always thought I can't wait to start working... but after hearing those, I'm starting to think again. I dunno if I can be that competent in less than 2 years' time. :(

But heck, I don't even know if I will get a job then. So better to focus on the here and now. Yes, that means - STUDY, ZZZYUN!!

Lucky

I'm aware that I haven't posted for a few days! But be assured, I'm alive and well after my scary presentation on monday! lol.

Yeah, I have been quite busy because some of the seniors (who are interns now!) are back from adelaide/sydney for 1 week for their graduation. So we had some fun events so far. We went out for dinner at our fav italian place on saturday night. Yummy food they served at ciao italia! And then we had the bbq lunch on sunday for all of the imu peeps. From the most senior to the most junior. It was definitely a very satisfying lunch, thanks for it, Ken Rhee. :)

Then we came back home and Debs and I started practicing for our case presentation the whole sunday. Luckily, it went relatively well. Practice really does make perfect. Well, maybe not perfect in that sense, but as long as I don't stand in front of everybody and look like a stupid goldfish opening and closing its mouth in shock, that's fine with me. lol.

I was quite nervous when I started, but as I rambled along, it was better. Although I must admit, I couldn't wait to finish it and therefore spoke abit fast. Haha the dr commented that as well :P I think Debs did a pretty good job on her part too! And... soooo we got a pretty good mark!! hehe. We were pretty happy once it was done. major phiew. I think with more practice, hopefully one day I won't be so anxious about public speaking!

Anyway, some of you might have heard, there was a MAJOR freak storm that happened on monday afternoon. There was torrential rain, lots of lightning, strong winds and golf-ball sized hailstones. Omg. You should google and see the pictures. Here's a link so that you can see how bad the damage is.

There was massive flooding, some places had collapsed roofs, holes in the ceiling, some houses were out of power, and cars has massive dents all over plus cracked windscreens and the holes in it caused the rain to soak through the car. oh my.. I didn't know a storm can be so dangerous. And the worst part is that it came out of the blue. It only rained like minimally this summer. Less than 5 times and mostly drizzles. So I guess the clouds couldn't hold it in any longer. blek.

Debs and I are lucky that our house suffered no damage and only my shoes were the worse for wear after I had to wade into 3 inches deep puddles to get to my house. Sigh, they were expensive shoes, I hope they will recover. :/

Anyhow, I was lucky that I was in Fremantle Hospital when it happened so I was quite safe. Most of the damage was higher north. However, one of the pipes must have overflowed and burst through one of the ceilings in the clinic opposite. Can you imagine the sight of water overflowing from above in a clinic??

And if you read more of the news, apparently the ceiling in the ED in Joondalup Hospital collapsed and patients have to be evacuated. And alot of hospitals were flooded as well. Hmm... In conclusion, it was a pretty nasty storm. :O

So guess what we had that night for dinner? KFC lol. No point being in the jam.

For completeness' sake, we also had supper with the seniors at Gelare last night. Waffles with icecream are the best. hehe. And we are getting a bit spoilt coz the seniors are so nice to be belanjaning us with all these food. :D

Okay, that's all the updates for now. I probably shld be doing some catch up with studies instead of just enjoying so much!!

The Big And Small Things

It's interesting when I realised that I'm currently in a phase where I'm just going along with things.

I think for every person, there is a need for a sense of control, but the degree needed is different for everyone. I think my threshold used to be really high. I still plan a lot of things ahead of time but these are the small things. Things like what am I going to cook tonight? Do I have stuff to make a sandwhich for lunch tomorrow? Am I buying enough vege and meat for next week? As you can see, most are food-related. :P

But I think I have stopped planning for the big things. Coz I can't anymore. There are too many variables that I'm unable to control. These would be what we call 'confounding factors' in EBM. lol.

I would love to know - which part of the world will I be in 2012? Will I be able to get the job I want? Will I still be with you? Could we have a future together?

Now, I'm taking the big things with baby steps. I might still dream of the future, but dreaming is different from planning.

I also realised I'm in a phase where things are going okay, but still I want to run madly forward, to another new phase of my life, to answer those questions. To know their answers, so that I can prevent things from not going the way I hope them to be.

In a way, I still wish to have control. Just that I'm unable to do anything now but have faith.

Restart

We have been slaving away at our EBM presentation for the past few nights. And guess what? After consulting with one of the nice drs, apparently we have been barking up the wrong tree. Shit! The research we did was not relevant to the type of surgery our patient had. Therefore, we wouldn't be able to conclude anything meaningful. :(

So yesterday, we pulled our long faces up - and started again on that painstaking task of finding relevant journals - with a new PICO question. (For those wondering what's PICO, it stands for Patient, Intervention, Comparison, Outcome. It's a way of making a good clinical question for medical research in the literature.)

And today, we started on the arduous task yet again, of deciding which journals and to read them and try understand them. Oh those journals! All the twisting tales they tell, and the swirly numbers of statistics stand between us.

We gotta really push and work hard the next 2 days if we want to enjoy a bit more during the weekend. The seniors (interns now!) who went to adelaide/sydney early this year to work are coming back to visit next week. So yeah, that is something I'm definitely looking forward to!

Wish us luck! We are gotta need it!

PS: EBM is not Expressed Breast Milk as it is in o&g lol. It generally stands for Evidence-Based Medicine.

Of Babies & Case Presentations

I haven't been updating again for a few days, I keep wanting to, but something more important keeps coming up. Or maybe I just feel too lazy tired. But am going to be freaking busy for the next last 2 weeks of O&G.

We have this super important EBM case presentation in a week's time. Which we hvta present the best evidence on the topic of 'Ectopic Pregnancy' to a lot of ppl. OMGGGGG!!

Firstly, the presentation is something really hard to do, especially finding and interpreting the best evidence. Journals, statistics :( Statistics and criticizing articles ain't my strong point, I'll have ya know. And secondly, public speaking is freaking scary. I'm so afraid I'll turn into a puddle standing in front of all the staring audience. Must practice first!!!

But must try our best. We kinda did the first cochrane meta analysis yesterday and it wasn't too bad. phiew. Jiayou to us!!!

------------------------------------------------

I must mention here, after much effort and time spent, last weekend, I finally got to do half of a delivery under supervision. Why half, you ask? Well, the baby had to have a vaccumed assisted delivery, but the doctor was very nice, he let me do the shoulders onwards.

It was amazing. really. Being able to hold and touch the baby as it comes out and takes its first few breaths of life. I had to wait about 14 or 15 hours just for that birth. But I'm glad I did. ^v^ I wish I was luckier in getting more deliveries. But hey, it's alright. That's life, isn't it? I'm just happy my effort kinda paid off.

-------------------------------------------------------------

On another note, I just wanna say, medical students realise and appreciate it when doctors take the extra mile to teach or help us with stuff. We remember you even after time has passed. I wanna be a doctor like that next time. :)

A Double Life

Sometimes, I feel like I'm living a double life. Or maybe in alternate universes, if you believe in that sort of theory.

One life that exists back home, where everything is familiar and comfortable. And I'm surrounded by friends and loved ones. The familiar faces in the crowds. The blend of dialects/languages that mostly are familiar to the ear. Yummy food and none of the need to explain what is char kuey teow to someone.

Here, it is another different life, familiar as well, surrounded by new friends too. I have gotten used to the culture here, have finally succumbed to the pressure to say "how's it going?" to patients/not well known ppl. Because that's how they do it here. And I found it easier to slowly blend in, to not be so defensive and draw a line between our differences. It goes a bit easier on the heart as well.

I feel that I'm straddling two different worlds, but am able to be comfortable in both - making the switch whenever the need arises - as though it's the most perfectly natural thing in the world.

Sometimes, I wonder, what is real anymore?

I Am A Whiner

I'm currently week 7 in my obs & gynae posting. This week is relatively free but *gasp* my case presentation date has been set! First day of week 10 omg. Well maybe better to get it over with quick anyway. But we haven't started anything. *hyperventilate*

Anyway. The seniors who are currently working in adelaide/sydney will be coming back for graduation that week too. So can hang out after we are done! yay. Would be so good to see them again, miss them so much!

That reminds me, we also have our summative obs/gynae clinical exam to complete as well. Shall start to seek opportunities when I start being in team next week. Hope it will be good but I feel my knowledge is not up to scratch yet. Find time to study! (well more like mood currently, coz the hot weather definitely doesn't help)

Oh and I only have 1 more delivery shift left this coming saturday night and I have yet to be lucky enough to do any hands-on delivery! Major bummer. I look like this --> D: I really have tried my best so if I still don't get one on the last shift, so be it!

I am also trying to sort out the things for my elective. Will be applying to do a month stint in singapore next january. Very super mafan!!!! aihs. Made my dad wasted money buying health insurance for me as well and they had to send the letter AFTER he bought it. Thanks a bunch. *huff*

Hmm I also haven't quite decided what departments to go for yet though. Emergency department and general medicine are okay, but I need another 2 options. Suggestions? No surgery related things please.

Okay, I really should end here now before I sound like a total whiner. I dunno why recently opening this page does that to me. >.<

I Guess You'll Do

This is a really funny video. It shows how far women can think. :P Enjoy!

lol.

PS: Happy Chap Goh Meh by the way! It's the last day of CNY celebrations. We had dinner at a friend's hse whose auntie cooked lots of food. yum. :)

At Least

See! I'm going back to more regular blogging. Am (slightly, just slightly) more free these 2 weeks so gotta catch up with my stack of notes.

I found out that turning off the computer not only decreases the temperature in my room (it's a heat churning machine omg!), it only increases my academic productivity. Cause I have nothing else to dilly dally on. And I can still idle some in-between time when I'm immensely bored of looking at the lines of words in front of me by facebooking on my iPhone.

I realised I had not mention that I've gotten an iPhone ever on this blog. I wonder why that thought had eluded me. But anyway, it's pretty old news already, I had it since july/august last year. See, I can't even remember the exact time I had it.

Ever since I had it, I can't believe how I used to survive on a phone without internet access. lol. How nice is it to be able to check your email, facebook and surf whenever you need without a computer. It's useful in a country where you need to use internet to transfer money into your transaction bank account. It's even useful when you need to find out something via the net. For eg, a restaurant's phone number. Just a few gestures, and voila - the info is right in front of you!

What a pity that I don't want to waste money on buying those fun apps though, so gotta survive on free apps for now. Who have good free apps to recommend??

Did I mention that today's temperature is a freaking 42 degrees celcius. I felt like a cake baking in the oven. okay bad analogy. But you get my point ya?

Yesh I'm sucha whiner, isn't it? I just gotta rough these few days out. Hopefully next week the weather will be better.

Okay, that's enough verbal diarrhoea. At least I'm updating, right? *hands over mouth* full stop.

Rising Temperatures

Temperatures are rising yet again these few days. Don't play play - over 40C okay! omg. I felt like I was on fire when walking outside today. No kidding! I really hope this is the prelude to proper autumn. *hates heat* I hope my skin condition will stay under control.

Well, O&G is the same ol' busy story. You must be sick of me reiterating this already, aren't you? haha.

But seriously, free days are so free and far in between. And they ruined two of my free days by pushing one hour lectures slots into a whole free day. :( Oh well, with the raging weather, might be a good idea to spend the rest of the day enjoying the aircon in the hospital's library. pfooh.

Hmm, have not been having the best of luck when it comes to my shifts. Most of the time it's pretty quiet. The staff must be happy. But my friend and I are not. T___T What is this effect we have on patients numbers. argh. Need more practice. I haven't gotten to do a delivery leh!! Only two more 12 hours shifts left! Mati mati also wanna do one leh.

Okay lah, enough procastinating. Time to buck up and read up for cbl tomorrow! And gosh, look at my pile of unread notes stacked so high. o.O

Two Nights

One night of beautiful fireworks. almost as if they were falling on us. dancing. music. drinks. friends. :)

One night of pseudo-sleeping. coffee to keep awake. pins and needles from awkward positions. nobody going into labour. waste of time. :(

Comparison? Cannot fight larrr.

Happy Double Celebration

Happy Chinese New Year and Happy Valentine's Day to all my readers! ^v^

I know, I know, I haven't been a model blogger recently *whine whine* but I'm busy and have a ton of better things to do. Despite that, life is quite good, definitely much better than last year. I guess I really might be settling into the pace of life here. :)

Anyway, to celebrate CNY, we were invited to a friend's house over for steamboat. No pics of the steamboat per se coz we were like hungry hawks lol. But nevertheless, it can be summed up as yum yum. :P

CNY is a time that reminds me of home. Of boisterous cousins, red angpows, yummy snacks, noisy music. Second time spending it in a foreign country. I remembered we had pizza for reunion dinner last year. lol. Lucky it's steamboat this year. More traditional hehe.

Today is also another Valentine's Day that I won't be celebrating with dear. But I guess it's all too comercialized. We should show each other love everyday, isn't it? Instead of just doing it all on one day. Oh well.

Anyway, for this chinese new year, I wish all my friends and family that they are healthy and happy, wherever they are. I miss you all fondly. Do take care. *hugs*

The Irony

Have you ever felt alone in a crowd?

I know I did.

I miss them. the old times. the familiarity.

Busy As A Bee

Boo-yah! Sorry for the sudden long absence! I have been really super duper crazy x 1000 BUSY! Was pressed for time to cook, sleep, pseudo-study and function like a normal human being.

Hence not being able to update. Which is a shame coz I have had many new experiences in this short period of time. And you know how my memory goes...

Guess what? I still have morning ED shift the next 2 days, which is a weekend. And I get no break till the next weekend (which is CNY! thank god!) I really can't wait for that.

Have been getting quite a bit of clinical exposure, which is excellent. The organization of this o&g rotation has been fabulous so far. Staff generally are very nice and willing to teach (except a select few which I shall not name) so that's a plus. Makes us feel that we are wanted and not in the way as we medical students sometimes tend to feel.

Oh and I'm very behind on my notes coz my skin condition gotten quite bad last week - became really very itchy and I was scratching myself all over. Finally gotten the steroid cream a few days ago and seems to be becoming better. phiew.

I can't study when I don't feel good. So it's a good thing the weather is better recently, turning slightly cooler. yay.

Okay, I really shld get off now. And try to study a bit. Lots of new things in o&g. And some that I had learnt and forgotten about. blek.

PS: Gathering tomorrow! Looking forward to it coz I really need to chill!

PPS: And I got to see quite a few cute babies! haha. they seemed so fragile that I don't really know how to hold them. :P

First Week

My first week back here has almost gone past. Pretty busy! So far, I'm feeling pretty okay, I seemed to have slipped back into life here easily as well. It is starting to feel familiar.

What that I haven't gotten used to is trying to study though. Procastinating tons. aihs. And my current skin condition doesn't make things easy.

yeah, you're right, I think I have heat urticaria. :( It was the same last year summer and it's back now with a vengeance! Erythematous (that's red for you non-meddies out there), pruritic (itchy) urticaria (wheals) over the sun exposed areas on my body. Which are arms, neck and face. They feel like parchment sometimes. argh.

5th Year - Start

Hi again, guys. Been trying to update but the heat's getting to me. You know how when it gets really super hot here, all you just wanna do is lie in bed and not move at all. I'm not kidding. It's worse this year.

Anyway, I'm updating today because the weather is slightly kinder today and I feel better. I hope the weather keeps going down to a reasonable temperature. Or I won't feel like studying much, which is bad.

This gets me to the next thing I was going to talk about. Guess what rotation I am in now? Obstetrics and Gynaecology! O&G for short. We are currently in 3rd day of introduction (tomorrow is the last day) and just received our timetables on monday. And I must say, it's really crazily packed! omg.

There will be times where I'll hvta do night shifts or weekends as well. T____T Haha I expect I might be blogging less when things get hectic. Anyway, O&G seems pretty exciting and interesting so far. Lots of totally new things. Need to study soon aihs.

And maybe 5th year is really different. We are expected to be a more active part of the team. According to some of the teachers, we might be expected to make code blue calls (it's not such an easy task as well!), take histories, cannulate and take blood etc. Ie no more stepping backward to not be in the way but instead, to move forward and ask how we can help. yikes!

It's definitely gonna be a tough year, I foresee. But hey this time around, the unbelonging-ness actually feels familiar. oh yeah.

Back To Perth

I'm tired so shall keep this short. Arrived in Perth early this morning. First thing I noticed is: it's so damn hot! Over 40 degrees. o.O

Spent quite a bit of the day cleaning room and house. Not forgetting market-ing and grocery shopping. aihs. Still not yet finish cleaning. Shall continue tomorrow. =/

While walking around today, the surroundings felt familiar yet so unfamiliar this time around. The irony.

Met some of the juniors for dinner. See how nice seniors we are? ;)

Anyway, 5th year starts tomorrow. And I'm so not ready.

Versus

Compare this:-

home. family. good ol' malaysian food. best friends. familiar faces in the street. mum's delicious home cooked food. being with him. reminizing over old times. -lahs and -mahs. no worries. familiar accents and dialects. mamak with maggi goreng tambah telur mata kerbau. delightful shopping. manglish. no need to convert and save. meet-ups. feeling that i belong. here.

With this:-

away. from everybody. fickle temperatures. stressful studies. freedom. self-sufficient. the need to pinch pennies. unfamiliar diverse faces everywhere. need to be independent. alone. enjoy cooking most of the time. hoping to hear a familiar voice in strangers. reminding self to speak proper english. cultural differences. unable to shake off the feeling that i do not belong. here.

-------

"I'm leaving on a jetplane. Don't know when I'll be back again..."

Not Backwards I Hope

Many Malaysian bloggers are currently jumping on the bandwagon and churning out their own views on the recent issue of the burning of churches + convent school  in protest of Christians using the word 'Allah' in references to God.

I am neither a Muslim or Christian, so in this case, I'm unbiased.

However, I do not protest to be an expert in either matters. Therefore, I shall hesitate to give my two cents worth on this matter, but would like my readers to please have a look at my friend's post here. I found it rather interesting.

And really, since eons ago, there has always been bloodshed over religion/race/[insert whatever difference you can think of].

Only fools repeat mistakes in history. We really have to clear our minds and think: Is this the direction that we really want to head in?

PS: An extra link for interest's sake. Click here.

For That That's Worth It

Human relationships can be such beautiful yet fragile things.

It takes time, effort and love to make one work. It encompasses all sorts of relationships - those between family members, lovers, friends, work colleagues, even the homeless man outside your house who you often give small change to. What's frightening is the fact that how easy an apparently strong relationship can break with a misunderstanding, a spatter of misplaced words uttered out of rage.

I realised if there is anything worth investing your time into, it's your relationships.

This year - continuting last year's effort - I will try my best to maintain (or improve if possible!) my relationships with my family, friends and dear dear of course. :)

Of coz, not forgetting, I must put in more effort into my studies!! I feel like I've not been up to my best last year. Possibly distracted by emo feelings. Shall try not to be affected too much this time around. Afterall, I've been through it before, right. Right?

I really hope this year will be a year that I will come to total accepting terms that I'm already a young adult, studying medicine in a faraway place, far from everything that I hold close to heart.

Can I do it?

Blame It On The Pop

Heard this over the radio the other day. And then found it online.

This is probably the BEST song of 2009. A mishmash of the hottest songs of 09 by DJ Earworm.

Awesome! I *hearts* it!!

Below are the list of songs that he used.

• The Black Eyed Peas - BOOM BOOM POW
• Lady Gaga - POKER FACE
• Lady Gaga Featuring Colby O’Donis - JUST DANCE
• The Black Eyed Peas - I GOTTA FEELING
• Taylor Swift - LOVE STORY
• Flo Rida - RIGHT ROUND
• Jason Mraz - I’M YOURS
•  Beyonce - SINGLE LADIES (PUT A RING ON IT)
• Kanye West - HEARTLESS
• The All-American Rejects - GIVES YOU HELL
• Taylor Swift - YOU BELONG WITH ME
• T.I. Featuring Justin Timberlake - DEAD AND GONE
• The Fray - YOU FOUND ME
• Kings Of Leon - USE SOMEBODY
• Keri Hilson Featuring Kanye West & Ne-Yo - KNOCK YOU DOWN
• Jamie Foxx Featuring T-Pain - BLAME IT
• Pitbull - I KNOW YOU WANT ME (CALLE OCHO)
• T.I. Featuring Rihanna - LIVE YOUR LIFE
• Soulja Boy Tell ‘em Featuring Sammie - KISS ME THRU THE PHONE
• Jay Sean Featuring Lil Wayne - DOWN
• Miley Cyrus - THE CLIMB
• Drake - BEST I EVER HAD
• Kelly Clarkson - MY LIFE WOULD SUCK WITHOUT YOU
• Beyonce - HALO
• Katy Perry - HOT N COLD

PS: Here is the official site to download the song. I found that a lot of people have been googling for it. Enjoy!

Cheers Towards A Better Year

With 光良品冠/Guang Liang Pin Guan's songs blaring on the background and a malfunctioning mouse, I will now attempt to write this post.

This will be the first post of 2010 and so far things have being going good. Spent a day mooning around Sunway with the bf. I love that place! Miss it so much! <3

Anyway, as usual lets have a look at the previous year's resolutions. (wow it seems weird to refer 2009 as previous year!)

--------

Do well in clinical school. Pass exams. Procure more knowledge. Adapt to life in Perth. Make new friends. Keep in contact with the old ones. Be independent. Eat healthily. Exercise more. Spend less. Be more patient. My loved ones are safe and happy. Be less petty. More tolerant of others. Procastinate less. Maintain my relationship well with dear despite being in a LDR. And of coz, the most important of all, BE HAPPY!

--------------------------

I'm happy to report that I've managed to complete most of them to my satisfaction. :) But there is always room for improvement of course. However, I really dunno about the last one. Can I say I was generally happy the past year?

It was certainly a busy year, definitely a year of ups and downs. It was the first time I have to live a life away from everything I have ever known in a foreign country, filled with strange people emersed in a totally different culture.

Everything was really new to me then. It certainly took me time to adapt but I guess, after sometime, I finally got used to being on my own. I was really happy when dear dear came to visit me for a month. Everything just seemed to fall into its rightful place. It was nice being with him, and doing everything on our own! We especially enjoyed cooking! :)

I really can't confidently say I was very happy during 2009 but hey, it could always have been worse.

Maybe it was a more neutral sort of happiness in the small simple things in life. The happiness in being alive, in it being a new day, walking home humming a simple song, looking at the beauty of the sunset. That's being happy as well, isn't it?

And I think things are looking up. slowly.

Well, I won't write any real resolutions this year, maybe something along the lines of the above will do. What that is really important is that we gotta live life the best way we know. My motto in life.

Continue to fight for what we believe in. That dreams will come true if we work fervently towards achieving them. Hoping that everyone we love is happy.

Wishing everyone a blissful happy 2010! ^v^